(no subject)
lets see....day2 without smoking pot....it was good actually. kept busy. went to chesters, saw matty...fuckin queer. went to jessis....heidi got another piercing...christ that girl gets light headed doing everything. if she'd take her goddamn pills like she fucking is supposta....i bet she wouldn't have that problem fucking EVER. then went to shanes for a bit...he smoked infront of us and i wasnt tempted...oh yeahhh willpower baby...eh not so much, but anyways....
hung out with travis. he sits in the front seat with us. feels like i have a li'l kid lol. we saw ethan at westside...so what does travis do!?!?! fucking goes up to him n hes like "dawg, these bitches are droolin over you" ahem...what? lol don't think so. ethan as cute...but shit he aint that cute lol. i only went in there to get some soda water.
we went to the park. he was pushing me in the retarded swing lol. heidi stayed at the swings n me n travis took a walk n tried looking for the bridge that usta be at myers park...soon tho we found out they took it down? i guess. then he was showing me mars cuz i guess you could see it tonight? i dunnno. hes a sweet guy when you have him alone. but i didn't think much of any of it really cuz ..... its travis... didn't think he thought much of it either. we went back to his/bobbys place. supposta learn how to play dominos? but didn't. watched 2 movies instead lol. he sat next to me on the floor and he kept lookin over at me and stared with that smirk. im shy as fuck, and i hate when ppl look at me so wtf am i supposta do? we left like 15 after 1. he walked us out and gave us both hugs. i come home and i get online...hes online n he starts talkin to me and said he enjoyed chillin with me lastnight and he thanked me for the li'l walk in the park. i said "yeah, those 3 minutes were majical huh? '' lol i might have hurt him by saying that...but i how do i tell him errr...why should i have to tell him? he knows the position im in right now. then he said"shit i think i want to kiss you" argh. why me? seriously.
i really wish tim would talk to me. right now i feel like hes ignoring me..which sorta hurts. i get online hoping he sent me something or i'd have an offline or something...but nothing. argh. maybe he just doesn't care anymore.
i hate how im always the one that has to feel alone. tim can have anyone he wants so why me? i have trouble just talkin to a cute boi. i either bite my lip n don't say anything or ignore em and they think ima bitch er something.
i give up. someone like me prolly doesn't get the chance to have all that..or anything close to that. im pretty sure i'll be alone fer the rest of my life. even when i do get the chance to have something...or maybe just when "I" think i can have something....heidis here to make me feel bad. when tim was here...she was all salty....which made me pissed off. i got to be with him for only 2 weeks n she has to be a bitch about it. its not like i had sex with him while she was fucking LAYING RIGHT NEXT TO ME. its okay for her to be all up ona guy infront of me...and fer her to get hers...but if theres ever a chance a guy might like me....all she does is sit there, and look pissed off. so my happiness doesn't mean shit to anyone. this whole travis thing....yeah. she wants to bone him....she knows he likes me, and if he says anything about me to her...she gets all pissy. what is she bitching about? all she talks about is wanting to get laid. i want a real relationship...not just to be someones fuck buddy until they find something better. shes fucked more guys than i can count on one hand so i don't understand what she is bitching about....i don't understand why she thinks she has any right to be salty. if she wants travis....she can have him. i don't fucking care. im just sick of her gettin all pissy if a guy gives me attention and not her....how often do you think this happens? not often...but when it does...it fuckin pisses me off...fukin thinkin she has the nerve to act like that. when she took me to sams....and i didnt know anyone but HER there...at this big party...did i give her an attitude when she left me out in the room while she went in sams room to fuck...and left me out there til morning??? NO. FUCK THAT.
im pissed off. i don't know what the fuck is going on with tim anymore...im getting way too confused about travis. i wish for once i knew what was going on in my life....with the ppl who are supposta be in my life.
i talked to jason today...again saying shit about how i should have gotten with him....why??? so he could fuck me over too???? does he think im stupid and haven't caught onto his li'l game? uses his girls until he doesn't want them anymore or they become "psycho" shhyeah. whatever. the least he could do is break up with someone before he decides to fuck someone else.
im spent. im going to go cry until i feel better.
oh yeah...chris is finally back. im happy to know hes still around =-)
night
hung out with travis. he sits in the front seat with us. feels like i have a li'l kid lol. we saw ethan at westside...so what does travis do!?!?! fucking goes up to him n hes like "dawg, these bitches are droolin over you" ahem...what? lol don't think so. ethan as cute...but shit he aint that cute lol. i only went in there to get some soda water.
we went to the park. he was pushing me in the retarded swing lol. heidi stayed at the swings n me n travis took a walk n tried looking for the bridge that usta be at myers park...soon tho we found out they took it down? i guess. then he was showing me mars cuz i guess you could see it tonight? i dunnno. hes a sweet guy when you have him alone. but i didn't think much of any of it really cuz ..... its travis... didn't think he thought much of it either. we went back to his/bobbys place. supposta learn how to play dominos? but didn't. watched 2 movies instead lol. he sat next to me on the floor and he kept lookin over at me and stared with that smirk. im shy as fuck, and i hate when ppl look at me so wtf am i supposta do? we left like 15 after 1. he walked us out and gave us both hugs. i come home and i get online...hes online n he starts talkin to me and said he enjoyed chillin with me lastnight and he thanked me for the li'l walk in the park. i said "yeah, those 3 minutes were majical huh? '' lol i might have hurt him by saying that...but i how do i tell him errr...why should i have to tell him? he knows the position im in right now. then he said"shit i think i want to kiss you" argh. why me? seriously.
i really wish tim would talk to me. right now i feel like hes ignoring me..which sorta hurts. i get online hoping he sent me something or i'd have an offline or something...but nothing. argh. maybe he just doesn't care anymore.
i hate how im always the one that has to feel alone. tim can have anyone he wants so why me? i have trouble just talkin to a cute boi. i either bite my lip n don't say anything or ignore em and they think ima bitch er something.
i give up. someone like me prolly doesn't get the chance to have all that..or anything close to that. im pretty sure i'll be alone fer the rest of my life. even when i do get the chance to have something...or maybe just when "I" think i can have something....heidis here to make me feel bad. when tim was here...she was all salty....which made me pissed off. i got to be with him for only 2 weeks n she has to be a bitch about it. its not like i had sex with him while she was fucking LAYING RIGHT NEXT TO ME. its okay for her to be all up ona guy infront of me...and fer her to get hers...but if theres ever a chance a guy might like me....all she does is sit there, and look pissed off. so my happiness doesn't mean shit to anyone. this whole travis thing....yeah. she wants to bone him....she knows he likes me, and if he says anything about me to her...she gets all pissy. what is she bitching about? all she talks about is wanting to get laid. i want a real relationship...not just to be someones fuck buddy until they find something better. shes fucked more guys than i can count on one hand so i don't understand what she is bitching about....i don't understand why she thinks she has any right to be salty. if she wants travis....she can have him. i don't fucking care. im just sick of her gettin all pissy if a guy gives me attention and not her....how often do you think this happens? not often...but when it does...it fuckin pisses me off...fukin thinkin she has the nerve to act like that. when she took me to sams....and i didnt know anyone but HER there...at this big party...did i give her an attitude when she left me out in the room while she went in sams room to fuck...and left me out there til morning??? NO. FUCK THAT.
im pissed off. i don't know what the fuck is going on with tim anymore...im getting way too confused about travis. i wish for once i knew what was going on in my life....with the ppl who are supposta be in my life.
i talked to jason today...again saying shit about how i should have gotten with him....why??? so he could fuck me over too???? does he think im stupid and haven't caught onto his li'l game? uses his girls until he doesn't want them anymore or they become "psycho" shhyeah. whatever. the least he could do is break up with someone before he decides to fuck someone else.
im spent. im going to go cry until i feel better.
oh yeah...chris is finally back. im happy to know hes still around =-)
night