(no subject)
entry # 11
feb. 24
I really wish tim was here. Im sick of always feeling lonely, and b/c of it, I take that out on him cuz I get scared...hes the only thing that makes me happy, so if I end up losing him, wheres that gonna leave me? I do believe him...cuz if I have doubts, when I talk to him, n he mentions things....just li'l things that he remembers...makes my heart smile....cuz if he didn't care, he wouldn't have bothered to remember stuff like that. I just get worried...I cant really explain it. maybe I just don't believe boys period?....that or I don't trust/believe in myself...cuz if theres anything ever big goin on...it isnt the good outcomes im thinkin about it....its always the what if this happens n i get fucked thoughts.
Maybe he doesn't find it hard, but I do....if you love someone n they're hundreds of miles away from you....wouldnt it be killing you inside ta havta be that far away? It makes me frustrated.
When he was here, it was different cuz I was in my own li'l world with him. He made me so happy and felt like nothing could break that. I dunno....I guess I am the one with the problem. Im not a positive thinker. eh...how can anyone really be that positive tho? I don't know if im a jealous bitch and feel like someone was invading my territory....or if im just being stubborn in just letting things go and just let things happen. grrrr. i make myself mad all the time.
I don't like not being able to see him or talk to him. it sucks...such suckage it makes me sad lots. i wish i could go buy a tim...but i cant....so how does an impatient person, become patient?
~Cindy
feb. 24
I really wish tim was here. Im sick of always feeling lonely, and b/c of it, I take that out on him cuz I get scared...hes the only thing that makes me happy, so if I end up losing him, wheres that gonna leave me? I do believe him...cuz if I have doubts, when I talk to him, n he mentions things....just li'l things that he remembers...makes my heart smile....cuz if he didn't care, he wouldn't have bothered to remember stuff like that. I just get worried...I cant really explain it. maybe I just don't believe boys period?....that or I don't trust/believe in myself...cuz if theres anything ever big goin on...it isnt the good outcomes im thinkin about it....its always the what if this happens n i get fucked thoughts.
Maybe he doesn't find it hard, but I do....if you love someone n they're hundreds of miles away from you....wouldnt it be killing you inside ta havta be that far away? It makes me frustrated.
When he was here, it was different cuz I was in my own li'l world with him. He made me so happy and felt like nothing could break that. I dunno....I guess I am the one with the problem. Im not a positive thinker. eh...how can anyone really be that positive tho? I don't know if im a jealous bitch and feel like someone was invading my territory....or if im just being stubborn in just letting things go and just let things happen. grrrr. i make myself mad all the time.
I don't like not being able to see him or talk to him. it sucks...such suckage it makes me sad lots. i wish i could go buy a tim...but i cant....so how does an impatient person, become patient?
~Cindy