Rants and Reviews: Modern Cinema and Iron Man
I'd like to take a moment to talk about movies and why I hate them so. I will also be reviewing Iron Man here, as I just saw it last night and it makes a great point to what I'm talking about. I will also be very friendly regarding spoilers, and go over nothing that doesn't appear in the trailer.
WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS:
I would like to point out that today's movies, or even today's modern entertainment venue, makes me sick. I mean it. When I think about most movies, I want to puke. The reason why is this:
I suppose I'm more personally attached to this since I PAed on the picture, but lets remove that from the equation for a second. Look at this poster. Well what does it tell you? It tells you the title, who is in the picture, and since they are laughing, we'll take a guess that its a romantic comedy. OK. Fine. Romantic comedies are fine, and I happen to be partial to the few done well (Hitch, Someone Like You, 10 Things I Hate About You). But lets look at this poster some more.
We really know NOTHING about this movie. NOTHING! This poster is, for all intents and purposes, a glamour shot. We aren't selling the movie: we are selling the ACTORS!!!
And this is why modern cinema sucks. It sucks a big hairy nutsickle. Because we don't sell the product, we sell the person in it. We sell that Will Ferrell is making an ass out of himself for the whole family. We're selling Hugh Grant being charmingly British. We don't sell the plot, or the story, or why this movie is worth $10.50. If I wanted to look at Lindsay Lohan for an hour and a half of 2D acting, I'd just stay on the internet. Where it's free. I'm paying for entertainment, and there is none.
To quote Maebe Funke of Arrested Development "Why are we targeting this idiot demographic?" Of course people keep making these movies. We keep watching them! We don't challenge people or give them something new. And then when something genuine comes along, we act like its special. Like Juno. Well you know what? I liked Juno a lot (I won't say it's the best, but it's undeniably well done and will be the comparison here on out, seeing as its also a sort of romantic comedy), but it shouldn't be special. It should be what we reach for every time. Who the hell is Ellen Page? The chick in X3? Never heard of her. But instead, she crafted a character. She didn't play herself!
What Happens in Vegas is being sold on Ashton and Cameron. Just to prove my point, there is a huge poster going into NYC. 1/3rd of the poster says CAMERON, next 1/3rd says VS., and the final 1/3rd says ASHTON. In tiny letters underneath it says 'Vegas' and 'May 9th'. IT DOESNT EVEN HAVE THE FULL TITLE!
What's worse, 70 MILLION DOLLARS WAS SPENT ON THIS! This money could have funded FIVE JUNOS! This money could feed the homeless. Make the world a better place. You know what it's spent on? Ashton Kutcher making jokes about spousal abuse.
MOVIES IN GENERAL:
The majority of movies falls into 4 categories: 1) Sequels, 2) Remakes, 3) Comic Book/Book/Video Game Adaptations, 4) Romantic comedies (where the poster just advertises who is in it, not what it's about). The fact that the most original thing on this list is number 4, frightens me. It truly does. Romantic comedies wouldn't be on my list if it weren't for the fact that EVERY SINGLE ONE IS SO FUCKING FORMULAIC. Guy meets girl, girl and guy heat each other, girl and guy have funny antics, guy and girl fall for each other, but wont admit it, they do admit it, then they have a big fight, then they have a montage, then they get together. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME!!!!
Go into any movie theater and look at all the posters. I am willing to bet you, any one of you, that there are more unoriginal properties being advertised than new creative ideas trying to pave the way.
The fact is that most originality stops at the planning phase. "I think Santa should have a brother named Fred." I would be surprised if they just turned on the camera and told Vince Vaughn to just dick around for an hour and a half. Scary movies are really where originality is at now, but seriously, even they are grasping at straws. "Lets have a movie about killer...bats." Great thought, idiot!
Th thing that gets me maddest is that I'm just as much part of the problem. What did I want to see this summer? Speed Racer and Dark Knight. In my own defense, Speed Racer is trying something new with computer technology. Dark Knight, well, I have to say that the ballsiest thing I've heard so far was when Nolan took the name 'Batman' out of the title. This film is at least trying to sell the characters and not the actors, which gives it a thumbs up in my book.
But the truth is that this summer, I look around and I see a carnival of freaks. I look around and it makes me sick. It makes me cringe. I can't take it. I can't take this industry. Its horrible!!!
MUSIC:
I can trace this idiocy all the way back to record players, but more specifically, Tape recorders. I say this because the main function of said device is to replay our favorite songs agin and again and again. We take it on the go and we brainwash ourselves to love something. And that's the problem. Many people are content with leavign the same tape in their player for years, not changing it out.
Now, it's your own business if you wanna just keep listening to the same Beatles cover again and again. It's your business. But this is affecting everyone on a global scale. We keep rereleasing the same thing because it's safe. Special edition. Platinum Edition. Ultimate Edition. It's insane. And they keep doing it because it works. We keep buying it!
IRON MAN:
So I was very very very hesitant about seeing Iron Man. I originally wasn't going to. I felt that this would only perpetuate the problem. But then I saw the reviews. 94% on Rotten Tomatoes is a hard thing to ignore. So, me and a friend sat down and watched the movie beginning to end. And at the end of the movie, I realized something:
I had fun!
Remember when movies were fun and you didn't regret paying 10 dollars for entry? That's what this movie was. It was enjoyable for comic fans and non comic fans alike. It had great character development, good action, and was funny. FUNNY! Not trying to be funny, but GENUINELY FUNNY!
I can go on and on about Robert Downey in this, but suffice to say, he owns this part. He becomes Tony Stark. I can say the same for Jeff Bridges, who I totally forgot was even in this movie (as Obidiah Stane). You know what this movie didn't do: it didn't show the cast's name during the opening of the movie. Instead, we were flung into a world where these people became their characters. The credits were where they belonged: at the end. Like an actor taking a bow to revel in his performance. An actor doesn't come on stage and announce who they are before they give their performance! Unless they are Jimmy Fallon or something.
Here's something I've been doing for the last 5 years of movie watching: looking at my watch. Wondering how much was left. Whether or not I liked the movie, I'd look at my watch. Perhaps because I was still so removed fromt he experience. During Iron Man I NEVER looked at my watch. Ever. First time in YEARS! This is what I'm supposed to be paying for. Most movies, I feel ripped off. This is the first movie, where I felt that I got the better deal.
Is this the best comic book movie ever? Hard to say but, no. Honestly, I think Batman Begins is about as top tier as it gets. However, of all the Marvel movies. Iron Man decimates the competition. Yes, it's better than X2 or Spiderman (or Spiderman 2, since the fan base is split on which is better). This is really how summer movies, in fact, most movies should be. They should be enjoyable. I had a good time! Why can't we keep this trend up!?
Next week, I'll be seeing Speed Racer, which will have its work cut out for it, having to follow Iron Man. Hopefully, it will continue the trend of enjoyable movie experience.
IN CONCLUSION:
This blog won't reach many people. Just the handful that read it. And the ones who do read it aren't the ones who would see 'What Happens in Vegas.' So I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. I'm pretty sure most of you agree with a majority of what I preach. But sometimes you have to just throw it out there.
Honestly, I'm being a lot more strict with how I spend my money in the theater, and I believe you should too. Things need to have amazing reviews now to even warrant my attention. Like an election, every vote counts, and the sooner people stop seeing these movies, the less they will be made.
WOOO! I'm done.
I'm OUT!
WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS:
I would like to point out that today's movies, or even today's modern entertainment venue, makes me sick. I mean it. When I think about most movies, I want to puke. The reason why is this:
I suppose I'm more personally attached to this since I PAed on the picture, but lets remove that from the equation for a second. Look at this poster. Well what does it tell you? It tells you the title, who is in the picture, and since they are laughing, we'll take a guess that its a romantic comedy. OK. Fine. Romantic comedies are fine, and I happen to be partial to the few done well (Hitch, Someone Like You, 10 Things I Hate About You). But lets look at this poster some more.
We really know NOTHING about this movie. NOTHING! This poster is, for all intents and purposes, a glamour shot. We aren't selling the movie: we are selling the ACTORS!!!
And this is why modern cinema sucks. It sucks a big hairy nutsickle. Because we don't sell the product, we sell the person in it. We sell that Will Ferrell is making an ass out of himself for the whole family. We're selling Hugh Grant being charmingly British. We don't sell the plot, or the story, or why this movie is worth $10.50. If I wanted to look at Lindsay Lohan for an hour and a half of 2D acting, I'd just stay on the internet. Where it's free. I'm paying for entertainment, and there is none.
To quote Maebe Funke of Arrested Development "Why are we targeting this idiot demographic?" Of course people keep making these movies. We keep watching them! We don't challenge people or give them something new. And then when something genuine comes along, we act like its special. Like Juno. Well you know what? I liked Juno a lot (I won't say it's the best, but it's undeniably well done and will be the comparison here on out, seeing as its also a sort of romantic comedy), but it shouldn't be special. It should be what we reach for every time. Who the hell is Ellen Page? The chick in X3? Never heard of her. But instead, she crafted a character. She didn't play herself!
What Happens in Vegas is being sold on Ashton and Cameron. Just to prove my point, there is a huge poster going into NYC. 1/3rd of the poster says CAMERON, next 1/3rd says VS., and the final 1/3rd says ASHTON. In tiny letters underneath it says 'Vegas' and 'May 9th'. IT DOESNT EVEN HAVE THE FULL TITLE!
What's worse, 70 MILLION DOLLARS WAS SPENT ON THIS! This money could have funded FIVE JUNOS! This money could feed the homeless. Make the world a better place. You know what it's spent on? Ashton Kutcher making jokes about spousal abuse.
MOVIES IN GENERAL:
The majority of movies falls into 4 categories: 1) Sequels, 2) Remakes, 3) Comic Book/Book/Video Game Adaptations, 4) Romantic comedies (where the poster just advertises who is in it, not what it's about). The fact that the most original thing on this list is number 4, frightens me. It truly does. Romantic comedies wouldn't be on my list if it weren't for the fact that EVERY SINGLE ONE IS SO FUCKING FORMULAIC. Guy meets girl, girl and guy heat each other, girl and guy have funny antics, guy and girl fall for each other, but wont admit it, they do admit it, then they have a big fight, then they have a montage, then they get together. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME!!!!
Go into any movie theater and look at all the posters. I am willing to bet you, any one of you, that there are more unoriginal properties being advertised than new creative ideas trying to pave the way.
The fact is that most originality stops at the planning phase. "I think Santa should have a brother named Fred." I would be surprised if they just turned on the camera and told Vince Vaughn to just dick around for an hour and a half. Scary movies are really where originality is at now, but seriously, even they are grasping at straws. "Lets have a movie about killer...bats." Great thought, idiot!
Th thing that gets me maddest is that I'm just as much part of the problem. What did I want to see this summer? Speed Racer and Dark Knight. In my own defense, Speed Racer is trying something new with computer technology. Dark Knight, well, I have to say that the ballsiest thing I've heard so far was when Nolan took the name 'Batman' out of the title. This film is at least trying to sell the characters and not the actors, which gives it a thumbs up in my book.
But the truth is that this summer, I look around and I see a carnival of freaks. I look around and it makes me sick. It makes me cringe. I can't take it. I can't take this industry. Its horrible!!!
MUSIC:
I can trace this idiocy all the way back to record players, but more specifically, Tape recorders. I say this because the main function of said device is to replay our favorite songs agin and again and again. We take it on the go and we brainwash ourselves to love something. And that's the problem. Many people are content with leavign the same tape in their player for years, not changing it out.
Now, it's your own business if you wanna just keep listening to the same Beatles cover again and again. It's your business. But this is affecting everyone on a global scale. We keep rereleasing the same thing because it's safe. Special edition. Platinum Edition. Ultimate Edition. It's insane. And they keep doing it because it works. We keep buying it!
IRON MAN:
So I was very very very hesitant about seeing Iron Man. I originally wasn't going to. I felt that this would only perpetuate the problem. But then I saw the reviews. 94% on Rotten Tomatoes is a hard thing to ignore. So, me and a friend sat down and watched the movie beginning to end. And at the end of the movie, I realized something:
I had fun!
Remember when movies were fun and you didn't regret paying 10 dollars for entry? That's what this movie was. It was enjoyable for comic fans and non comic fans alike. It had great character development, good action, and was funny. FUNNY! Not trying to be funny, but GENUINELY FUNNY!
I can go on and on about Robert Downey in this, but suffice to say, he owns this part. He becomes Tony Stark. I can say the same for Jeff Bridges, who I totally forgot was even in this movie (as Obidiah Stane). You know what this movie didn't do: it didn't show the cast's name during the opening of the movie. Instead, we were flung into a world where these people became their characters. The credits were where they belonged: at the end. Like an actor taking a bow to revel in his performance. An actor doesn't come on stage and announce who they are before they give their performance! Unless they are Jimmy Fallon or something.
Here's something I've been doing for the last 5 years of movie watching: looking at my watch. Wondering how much was left. Whether or not I liked the movie, I'd look at my watch. Perhaps because I was still so removed fromt he experience. During Iron Man I NEVER looked at my watch. Ever. First time in YEARS! This is what I'm supposed to be paying for. Most movies, I feel ripped off. This is the first movie, where I felt that I got the better deal.
Is this the best comic book movie ever? Hard to say but, no. Honestly, I think Batman Begins is about as top tier as it gets. However, of all the Marvel movies. Iron Man decimates the competition. Yes, it's better than X2 or Spiderman (or Spiderman 2, since the fan base is split on which is better). This is really how summer movies, in fact, most movies should be. They should be enjoyable. I had a good time! Why can't we keep this trend up!?
Next week, I'll be seeing Speed Racer, which will have its work cut out for it, having to follow Iron Man. Hopefully, it will continue the trend of enjoyable movie experience.
IN CONCLUSION:
This blog won't reach many people. Just the handful that read it. And the ones who do read it aren't the ones who would see 'What Happens in Vegas.' So I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. I'm pretty sure most of you agree with a majority of what I preach. But sometimes you have to just throw it out there.
Honestly, I'm being a lot more strict with how I spend my money in the theater, and I believe you should too. Things need to have amazing reviews now to even warrant my attention. Like an election, every vote counts, and the sooner people stop seeing these movies, the less they will be made.
WOOO! I'm done.
I'm OUT!