(no subject)
I am scared beyond belief. I have a head ache from hell. I haven't slept since sunday. I feel wonderful. I have this sudden fear. I don't like it. I feel like Cory is going to leave me. I feel like his feelings for me are either weakening or were never as strong as I thought they were. It scares the absolute hell out of me too. I can't remember the last time I was this scared and worried. This frantic and torn apart. It's driving me insane. I just want to wake him up and ask him. Tell him cry and let everything out. He was so tired when he went to sleep though and he's been so restless I just can't. I want him awake so I can tell him I'm afraid he's going to leave me and to cry on him. That's sounds so silly, but it's the truth. I feel like he's all I have most of the time. I've also been able to let go and actually let him help me. I have a real problem with that. I cried and told him about my uncle Keith's death this summer. I didn't even cry when he actual passed away. Everyone else was weak then so I was strong. I feel the need to always be strong. To always do everything for my self. To never let anyone in. To rely on me and only me. Well, he's taught me you can't do that. You have to have help sometimes. You can't always be strong. Real strength is in knowing when to let someone else be your strength. I'm finally going to get my tattoo. That's what it's going to say. I need to remember that. I need to realize I can't always do everything. I have to just let go sometimes and trust someone else to help me and do it for me. It's going to look something like this. running down my right side.
There might be more to it there might not be. it might wrap around my side or it might just go straight down it. I'm going to leave that up to the artist. I feel I need this. This is for me. I know Keith would want me to realize the same thing. He would want me to know I don't have to do it all. Let someone else carry the burden for awhile. I miss him so much. Now that I've gotten myself all worked up and am I crying I need my butt head.
There might be more to it there might not be. it might wrap around my side or it might just go straight down it. I'm going to leave that up to the artist. I feel I need this. This is for me. I know Keith would want me to realize the same thing. He would want me to know I don't have to do it all. Let someone else carry the burden for awhile. I miss him so much. Now that I've gotten myself all worked up and am I crying I need my butt head.