House Parody

[ebontane]

Hello, all. This time I have the formula for an episode of House for you.



House

Part One- Things are bad

PATIENT: Oh, I’m sick!

Cue- House theme.

CUDDY: Were you planning to work today at all?

HOUSE: No.

CUDDY: It’s a tough life. Here’s a case you might find interesting.

House is an ass to several people.

CHASE: It might be…

He reels off fifty obvious diseases.

FOREMAN: Nah, they’re too obvious.

He reels off thirty less obvious diseases.

HOUSE: You’re both morons.

He names a single disease.

HOUSE: Don’t bother testing for it, just treat it.

CAMERON: ZOMG MORAL DILEMMA!

HOUSE: Treat the damn disease or you’re all fired.

Part Two- Things are worse

PATIENT: Aaaaah, rectal bleeding!

CHASE: It might be…

He reels off twelve obvious diseases.

FOREMAN: Nah, they’re too obvious.

He reels off five less obvious diseases.

HOUSE: You’re both morons.

He names another single disease.

HOUSE: Don’t bother testing for it, just treat it.

CAMERON: ZOMG MORAL DILEMMA! I’M TELLING SOMEONE!

CLINIC PATIENT: I have a comical ailment!

(And, more recently- TRITTER: There is nothing comical about this at all.)

HOUSE: This is why your comical ailment is stupid.

CUDDY: You’re being an ass, House.

HOUSE: Bite me.

Part Three- Things look even worse, but get better at the last minute

PATIENT: AAAAAAAH PAINFUL DEATH IMMINENT!

HOUSE: Oh, so it was…

He names a third disease.

HOUSE: Now treat it.

FOREMAN: Hey, it worked.

CHASE: No kidding.

WILSON: House, have you ever considered not being an ass?

HOUSE: Erm…I don’t think so.

I am currently working on the LOTR parody. Might take a while.