(no subject)
Tonight was interesting, to say the least.(I wonder how many times I've typed that out over the years of this journal) Anyway, we ended up watching the Convention coverage for most of the night. My friend, Jay, stopped by and watched with us. We also had some drinks. It wasn't clear where everyone was going to sleep. Philip has made it clear that him and I are to no longer share a bed. Which normally is fine, we have a couch and a bed, and my bed will be coming here Wed. With Jay here it was a bit of "what does this mean?" to me since he would take the couch and we could share the bed. Not the case. Philip went to bed before me and Jay and then asked me to leave when I asked for some pillows. He handed them to me and then it was my call I suppose. I choose to sleep in what will be my room, on the floor, and give Jay the couch. Jay, I think sensing the oddness of the situation, was able to drive and choose to head home and sleep in his own bed. Which is great, in a way, since now I can sleep on the couch.
I understand that in this split it's not right for us to be sleeping with each other and that he wants his space and to be alone at night, but in the same sense, I don't get why for a night we couldn't share a bed, in a strict non-sexual way. I suppose it is just me still adjusting to this idea that the idea of love and care are over in the bulk of this relationship, which has shifted rapidly to roommate status. While Philip and I are good friends, and friendship not sexual passion were the core elements of this relationship, I'm jealous that he's being hit on already. I'm jealous of a lot of things. I'm getting used to them though.
Wednesday will solve alot of the uneasy feelings that I have due to me not having my own space at the moment in this place. My room is a desk a smattering of my random stuff and a few items of his. My clothes are all in what was our room. My tv and dresser are all in what was our room. I feel like a guest in my own home for the night. But I know these feelings will pass. I know that I can make this adjustment. I just feel without someone to talk to. And I know that I have people, but I haven't even collected my thoughts well enough to be able to express them to anyone without typing them out. And even these posts are full of hidden messages and parts that I can't yet type.
Anyway... sleep is taking over... well it's not yet, but my abilities to type are fadding... so with that goodnight... and goodluck
I understand that in this split it's not right for us to be sleeping with each other and that he wants his space and to be alone at night, but in the same sense, I don't get why for a night we couldn't share a bed, in a strict non-sexual way. I suppose it is just me still adjusting to this idea that the idea of love and care are over in the bulk of this relationship, which has shifted rapidly to roommate status. While Philip and I are good friends, and friendship not sexual passion were the core elements of this relationship, I'm jealous that he's being hit on already. I'm jealous of a lot of things. I'm getting used to them though.
Wednesday will solve alot of the uneasy feelings that I have due to me not having my own space at the moment in this place. My room is a desk a smattering of my random stuff and a few items of his. My clothes are all in what was our room. My tv and dresser are all in what was our room. I feel like a guest in my own home for the night. But I know these feelings will pass. I know that I can make this adjustment. I just feel without someone to talk to. And I know that I have people, but I haven't even collected my thoughts well enough to be able to express them to anyone without typing them out. And even these posts are full of hidden messages and parts that I can't yet type.
Anyway... sleep is taking over... well it's not yet, but my abilities to type are fadding... so with that goodnight... and goodluck