First Cool Hive

[ebetha]

I've had a very stressful and long week. Hopefully things will start to pick up for me once again, but for the moment things aren't looking all that great. Last week, Anthony and I broke up. It's finally sinking in with me. While I have given it a lot of thought and know that it is what is best for us both at the time, it's still hard to deal with the loss. I've been holding back the tears and anger. I've been trying to mask the pain I have from this, too. I worry about him more and more. I'm scared of what he will do to himself in his current emotional state, especially from the brief conversations I've had with him about the amounts he's been drinking over the past few nights. While I do worry, I need, and have been, trying to focus on myself. Trying to get my affairs in order and trying to find a way to make sure that I will be able to pay all the bills and keep my head above water. With my new job starting this week, things should slowly start getting back to the way they were. Where I will actually be able to go out and see a movie with friends because I'll finally have the money to pay for a ticket.

I've spent the day with Chandler. Its been nice to have him by my side once more when I need someone to lean on. And I'm trying to be someone that he can lean on too.

I'm going to run off and clean the apartment more. Not that it's that messy though, but cleaning and making things all organized and tidy seems to put my mind at ease these days. So off to that I shall go.