(no subject)
Hello there. once Again I was perusing my old entries and found inspiration to write. I was originally looking at my birthday posts. I post every year on my birthday and am not about to break the tradition. It is saturday. I will write an entry whether it be short or long.
I was a completely differnt person then. Its weird reading back over what I was worried about then, knowing now what the outcome of it all was. And of course a few years from now it will be the same. Such as, yet again I am contemplating removing myself from school. I have a chemistry test tomorrow. I was cramming a while ago and plan on cramming some more but there is only so much I can do. If i fail this one, I will have no choice but to drop chemistry again. It was stupid of me for taking it again in the first place when to transfer any old (easier) class would have sufficed. So I am falling farther and farther behind. Its not like Im on track to never transfer though. even if I only take 6 units this semester, it shouldnt take me more than one extra semester. The bad thing is if I drop chem I will have like my 5th W and that might really hurt me if it hasnt already.
It is weird thining about my short term goals, long term goals, and how they are constantly changing.Where I want to work where I want to go to school where I want to travel what I want to do now.....its crazy. I am almost 19. I think that is the time for me to take a step in the right direction. Or whatever direction. Its time for me to take a step anywhere so I dont stay in my moms house taking classes at DVC all the time. I figure, even if I dont get a real job until I am 25 or 30, I still have 30 or so years of working ahead of me. 30 or so years of doing "what I want to do with the rest of my life". So why rush it? I'll do some things now, whether they happen things I want to do or I find myself on a differnt path, accidentally doing things i never really intended to do. At least its a change. And who knows, maybe I'll enjoy it? At least it will get me out of the slump that has literally been the last 4 years of my life. 4 years of depression and indecision. I know my mind on this matter will change by tomorrow but I hope to be able to look at this and be once again inspired to take a risk. THat is something I talk about every once in a while, but maybe if I talk about it enough It will become so ingrained in my mind that I will actually do it. Take a risk. Break the monotone. For once I look forward to the future, to those two years from now when I can read this and know what I decided to do.
But for now I must study chemistry.
I was a completely differnt person then. Its weird reading back over what I was worried about then, knowing now what the outcome of it all was. And of course a few years from now it will be the same. Such as, yet again I am contemplating removing myself from school. I have a chemistry test tomorrow. I was cramming a while ago and plan on cramming some more but there is only so much I can do. If i fail this one, I will have no choice but to drop chemistry again. It was stupid of me for taking it again in the first place when to transfer any old (easier) class would have sufficed. So I am falling farther and farther behind. Its not like Im on track to never transfer though. even if I only take 6 units this semester, it shouldnt take me more than one extra semester. The bad thing is if I drop chem I will have like my 5th W and that might really hurt me if it hasnt already.
It is weird thining about my short term goals, long term goals, and how they are constantly changing.Where I want to work where I want to go to school where I want to travel what I want to do now.....its crazy. I am almost 19. I think that is the time for me to take a step in the right direction. Or whatever direction. Its time for me to take a step anywhere so I dont stay in my moms house taking classes at DVC all the time. I figure, even if I dont get a real job until I am 25 or 30, I still have 30 or so years of working ahead of me. 30 or so years of doing "what I want to do with the rest of my life". So why rush it? I'll do some things now, whether they happen things I want to do or I find myself on a differnt path, accidentally doing things i never really intended to do. At least its a change. And who knows, maybe I'll enjoy it? At least it will get me out of the slump that has literally been the last 4 years of my life. 4 years of depression and indecision. I know my mind on this matter will change by tomorrow but I hope to be able to look at this and be once again inspired to take a risk. THat is something I talk about every once in a while, but maybe if I talk about it enough It will become so ingrained in my mind that I will actually do it. Take a risk. Break the monotone. For once I look forward to the future, to those two years from now when I can read this and know what I decided to do.
But for now I must study chemistry.