(no subject)
Sleep: What's the point of it? I think that it causes more pain than anything else. It's like a glimpse of hell when I close my eyes at night. I don't understand it. It's the same reoccurring nightmare that haunts me the rest of the day. So here you will find me...barely awake sitting cross legged on my black chair that I seem to always have problems staying on (i think chair falling is contagious I never fell off of chairs until the night i was intoxicated with mentally drunkenness).
I've decided that I think too much…but right when I think that I think too much I begin to think that I don't think enough. I had a very good conversation with Ken, the new AHD, about worrying and taking on other peoples problems and how it's your choice to do it. A human being has the ability to weigh the consequences of every action that they take...if they think about it. See, it comes down to that whole thinking thing again. Maybe I don't think enough...b/c if I would think things through I would realize that me taking on other people's problems and worrying about them and letting them effect me as if they were my own, is so incredibly impossible and draining that one would be digging their own grave if to do so. But I almost disagree with Ken, maybe because I'm a stubborn person; I don't feel that I have a choice to take on other people’s problems. It just happens it's like this psychological unconscious thing that I must do. I don't know if I do it to cover up my own pain. Because I figure that human beings only have so much worrying energy that they can expend...and if it's used up on other people's problems than there's no energy left for worrying about their own life. And that, my friend, is why I'm addicted to taking on other peoples problems. Yes I'm addicted to it. But I realize that I can't do this forever. Slowly my soul will be sucked from my body leaving a nothing but a lifeless corpse behind.
I need to stop, but I don't know how. And this brings me back the beginning I’m constantly thinking of ways to stop this soul sucking cycle. And here I will insert my new favorite line..."I'm working on it". I really am. And there are a lot of other things in life that I really am working on improving. Somebody showed me the potential person that I could be by allowing me to just be me and I'm trying to discover me is and what needs worked on in my life. So I will end with this. Sleep: I’m working on it. Thinking: I’m working on it. Worrying: I'm working on it. And I’m not working on worrying about working on stuff in my life…if that makes any sense. Hummm. I think it's for surely time to go to bed now.
But before that. I want to thank all of my friends. Whether you are a new found friend or one that's been around since move in day my freshman year ( I love you). I thank my true friends...my new found family...yes even you, my long lost uncle. You all know who you are and you've all made such a huge difference in my life. You guys are the reason for "I'm working on it" If it wasn't for your encouragement and love and acceptance I would have never had enough umph to admit that I had a problem and needed to work on anything. So thank you. Thank you for accepting Sarah for Sarah...because now I can almost say that I am beginning to accept and love Sarah for Sarah. (I’m working on it anyways.)
I've decided that I think too much…but right when I think that I think too much I begin to think that I don't think enough. I had a very good conversation with Ken, the new AHD, about worrying and taking on other peoples problems and how it's your choice to do it. A human being has the ability to weigh the consequences of every action that they take...if they think about it. See, it comes down to that whole thinking thing again. Maybe I don't think enough...b/c if I would think things through I would realize that me taking on other people's problems and worrying about them and letting them effect me as if they were my own, is so incredibly impossible and draining that one would be digging their own grave if to do so. But I almost disagree with Ken, maybe because I'm a stubborn person; I don't feel that I have a choice to take on other people’s problems. It just happens it's like this psychological unconscious thing that I must do. I don't know if I do it to cover up my own pain. Because I figure that human beings only have so much worrying energy that they can expend...and if it's used up on other people's problems than there's no energy left for worrying about their own life. And that, my friend, is why I'm addicted to taking on other peoples problems. Yes I'm addicted to it. But I realize that I can't do this forever. Slowly my soul will be sucked from my body leaving a nothing but a lifeless corpse behind.
I need to stop, but I don't know how. And this brings me back the beginning I’m constantly thinking of ways to stop this soul sucking cycle. And here I will insert my new favorite line..."I'm working on it". I really am. And there are a lot of other things in life that I really am working on improving. Somebody showed me the potential person that I could be by allowing me to just be me and I'm trying to discover me is and what needs worked on in my life. So I will end with this. Sleep: I’m working on it. Thinking: I’m working on it. Worrying: I'm working on it. And I’m not working on worrying about working on stuff in my life…if that makes any sense. Hummm. I think it's for surely time to go to bed now.
But before that. I want to thank all of my friends. Whether you are a new found friend or one that's been around since move in day my freshman year ( I love you). I thank my true friends...my new found family...yes even you, my long lost uncle. You all know who you are and you've all made such a huge difference in my life. You guys are the reason for "I'm working on it" If it wasn't for your encouragement and love and acceptance I would have never had enough umph to admit that I had a problem and needed to work on anything. So thank you. Thank you for accepting Sarah for Sarah...because now I can almost say that I am beginning to accept and love Sarah for Sarah. (I’m working on it anyways.)