Bit of a mess
I disappeared because, frankly, things have been really good on the RADA front but shitty on the Man front till now.
RADA acting exercises gone really well, to the point where the teacher John wishes he could have recorded one that my friend Josh did. Been able to at least bear up under the shittiness thanks to Josh outside class too; he's been lovely and kind, which is great especially since there's been misery at his end for a while too. But the timetable's better designed this term and just generally, even when things haven't been perfect, they've been do-able. And it's starting to feel like all these people in my classes, it's really easy to get on with them.
The shittiness: Alex didn't make next round of either RADA or Bristol. ....And nobody understands why. Well, we do, but he doesn't believe us. It's clearly nothing to do with the guy's talent, but due to his age/overexperience/sense that he's just a....grown up, you know? And not ready to be a student again. But it has utterly crushed him. I don't think he will actually ever be the same again. Which is fucking out of order after all the stuff I got from him telling me that drama school was inessential. But I have spent the last three weeks or so telling the guy he's marvellous and that even if he kicked me in the head or hated me or left me, I'd still think he was an outstanding actor and that I know nothing I do in my life will ever amount to half of what he's going to achieve.
But he got a recall for LAMDA yesterday. And couldn't even be enthused about that. And I'm so flaming miserable trying to boost his ego perpetually and it doing bugger all. But then what do you say to comfort someone in that situation? But I just hate how little difference the person he's supposed to love really has. It makes me so sad. I love him so much but it's obvious just how tiny a role I really play in his life.
Better run now, RADA time. At least, thank God, he got the LAMDA recall. I was ecstatic when he told me, I just wish he could muster something up as well because I think I've just about used up all my would-be sunshinyness on him.