you take the high route and i'll take the low route
I think that there is something to be said about early education on the birds and the bees. In fact, I would consider this something of a public service announcement. Based, of course, on personal experience.
My family -- by which I really mean my mother -- has always felt that this was an important aspect of our upbringing.
PING: It's embarrassing. My little brother is racist. I cannot face the world.
TINY RACIST BROTHER: What has my being racist got to do with you?
PING: Our family values are few and far in between so I suggest that we at least try to uphold what little we have!
THE MOTHER: We have family values? (amused) And what would those be...?
PING: RACISM IS BAD.
THE MOTHER: And...?
PING: ORGANISED RELIGION IS A CHOICE.
THE MOTHER: That's only two.
PING: ... BUY LOW, SELL HIGH!
THE MOTHER: That's three.
PING: Um um. Oh, I know! IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY.
TINY RACIST & HOMOPHOBIC BROTHER: I object, I object!
THE MOTHER: Four is not a lot.
PING: One more, one more... CONTRACEPTION FTW!
This exclamation, of course, precipitated a conversation on what happens when you don’t use contraception. At which point, my Mother feels it apt to launch into yet another graphic description of how we were born.
THE BROTHER: Isn’t it kinda gross to have a human being coming out of your butt?
THE MOTHER: How many times must I tell you, it’s not the butt, it’s the vagina. RESPECT MY VAGINA. IT GAVE YOU LIFE.
THE BROTHER: No! I still believe that Daddy gave birth to me!
THE MOTHER: I don’t know why your brother keeps thinking that your father gave birth to him. He’s been thinking this since he was… six?
PING: Because that’s about the time you started telling him the traumatic birthing stories. With graphic details about your epidermal spinal tap.
My family -- by which I really mean my mother -- has always felt that this was an important aspect of our upbringing.
PING: It's embarrassing. My little brother is racist. I cannot face the world.
TINY RACIST BROTHER: What has my being racist got to do with you?
PING: Our family values are few and far in between so I suggest that we at least try to uphold what little we have!
THE MOTHER: We have family values? (amused) And what would those be...?
PING: RACISM IS BAD.
THE MOTHER: And...?
PING: ORGANISED RELIGION IS A CHOICE.
THE MOTHER: That's only two.
PING: ... BUY LOW, SELL HIGH!
THE MOTHER: That's three.
PING: Um um. Oh, I know! IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY.
TINY RACIST & HOMOPHOBIC BROTHER: I object, I object!
THE MOTHER: Four is not a lot.
PING: One more, one more... CONTRACEPTION FTW!
This exclamation, of course, precipitated a conversation on what happens when you don’t use contraception. At which point, my Mother feels it apt to launch into yet another graphic description of how we were born.
THE BROTHER: Isn’t it kinda gross to have a human being coming out of your butt?
THE MOTHER: How many times must I tell you, it’s not the butt, it’s the vagina. RESPECT MY VAGINA. IT GAVE YOU LIFE.
THE BROTHER: No! I still believe that Daddy gave birth to me!
THE MOTHER: I don’t know why your brother keeps thinking that your father gave birth to him. He’s been thinking this since he was… six?
PING: Because that’s about the time you started telling him the traumatic birthing stories. With graphic details about your epidermal spinal tap.