she found that she'd been here before/ so away she went and away she swore
I will have you all know that my failure to update was an act of defiance. Truly, I bravely resisted updating under pain of death.
JIA LONG: PING. Do you want to die?
PING: Not at the moment, why?
JIA LONG: THEN UPDATE YOUR BLOG.
Far be it from me to disagree with a man almost twice my size. Thus, I find myself here. Updating. But you must forgive me if I sound strained for I have taken ill. My soul is weak, my throat is sore, I do not update anymore!
Despite my affliction of the body -- I consider afflictions of the soul part of my, ah, natural charm -- I have been out the past two nights indulging in an expensive hobby. By which I mean watching plays and not, contrary to popular belief, anything vaguely related to the deflowering of virgins.
AMIL: (darkly) I've heard stories about you. You go around deflowering people. Like some serial virgin deflower.
PING: I do not. Bingei, you are a gentleman. This is the part where you stand up for me and defend my honour!
BINGEI: Er, what's deflowering?
AMIL: It's like a bush. No, a bush fire. And it spreads and lays waste to the surroundings leaving complete destruction in its wake!
BINGEI: ... Huh? I don't get it.
BINGEI: I still don't get what deflowering means.
SERA: (deadpan) It means having sex with a virgin.
BINGEI: ... Oh. Oh.
PING: Wow, Sera. You've just accomplished in one minute what a table-full of Drama Ex Co members failed to do in fifteen.
PING: Flare or flair?
SIR: Fling?
PING: PING NO FLING.
SIR: Bwahahahaha.
PING: Ping no fling! ... Pling! Pling! From now on, pling shall be the sound made when people are making violent protests against VILE ACCUSATIONS.
If you've happened to hear any wild stories regarding myself and deflowered virgins, deviant sexual behaviour etcetera, all I have to say is "Pling! Pling! Pling! Pling!"
At any rate, I think such a hobby would pale in comparison to the activities of my other family members.
THE MOTHER: Your Father says I am dabbling in The Occult.
THE FATHER: She's doing past-life therapy and reading fairy cards. It is occult.
PING: Momma, all I have to say is, if you must be involved in The Occult, can you please try something a bit more... hardcore.
STRANGER AT BORDERS: (shifts away surreptitiously)
PING: Look! Here's REAL Tarot cards! For grown ups! None of that fairy card nonsense, thank you.
Then I met up with Bryan and we set off on a quest to find blue elephants.
PING: Why blue elephants, Bryan? Why not pink rhinoceros? They're so much more attractive!
BRYAN: Because I promised her I'd buy her a blue elephant.
PING: Okay, well, did you specify the dimension of the elephant? Because I gotta tell you, there's a big difference between finding a 2D blue elephant and a 3D one.
So we set off innocently to find blue elephants, venturing bravely into furniture stores for small children. I can't say I didn't try to be helpful.
PING: Oh, forget the ugly blue elephant stuff toy! Give her this colourful rat! It's pink and glittery -- and oh my god, that is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. YOU MUST BUY IT FOR HER. Look! Everybody wants a deformed chihuahua!
Then we stumbled into this other store and, lo and behold, I saw the only piece of furniture that I've ever wanted as much as my couch.
PING: It is a blue turret-like tent structure. With hideous curtains. For small children to sit inside! It is the most hideous and gaudy thing I have ever seen. I MUST HAVE IT.
All right. I am going to interrupt myself because I am easily distracted and I want to watch Hugo Weaving in drag again. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert!
JIA LONG: PING. Do you want to die?
PING: Not at the moment, why?
JIA LONG: THEN UPDATE YOUR BLOG.
Far be it from me to disagree with a man almost twice my size. Thus, I find myself here. Updating. But you must forgive me if I sound strained for I have taken ill. My soul is weak, my throat is sore, I do not update anymore!
Despite my affliction of the body -- I consider afflictions of the soul part of my, ah, natural charm -- I have been out the past two nights indulging in an expensive hobby. By which I mean watching plays and not, contrary to popular belief, anything vaguely related to the deflowering of virgins.
AMIL: (darkly) I've heard stories about you. You go around deflowering people. Like some serial virgin deflower.
PING: I do not. Bingei, you are a gentleman. This is the part where you stand up for me and defend my honour!
BINGEI: Er, what's deflowering?
AMIL: It's like a bush. No, a bush fire. And it spreads and lays waste to the surroundings leaving complete destruction in its wake!
BINGEI: ... Huh? I don't get it.
BINGEI: I still don't get what deflowering means.
SERA: (deadpan) It means having sex with a virgin.
BINGEI: ... Oh. Oh.
PING: Wow, Sera. You've just accomplished in one minute what a table-full of Drama Ex Co members failed to do in fifteen.
PING: Flare or flair?
SIR: Fling?
PING: PING NO FLING.
SIR: Bwahahahaha.
PING: Ping no fling! ... Pling! Pling! From now on, pling shall be the sound made when people are making violent protests against VILE ACCUSATIONS.
If you've happened to hear any wild stories regarding myself and deflowered virgins, deviant sexual behaviour etcetera, all I have to say is "Pling! Pling! Pling! Pling!"
At any rate, I think such a hobby would pale in comparison to the activities of my other family members.
THE MOTHER: Your Father says I am dabbling in The Occult.
THE FATHER: She's doing past-life therapy and reading fairy cards. It is occult.
PING: Momma, all I have to say is, if you must be involved in The Occult, can you please try something a bit more... hardcore.
STRANGER AT BORDERS: (shifts away surreptitiously)
PING: Look! Here's REAL Tarot cards! For grown ups! None of that fairy card nonsense, thank you.
Then I met up with Bryan and we set off on a quest to find blue elephants.
PING: Why blue elephants, Bryan? Why not pink rhinoceros? They're so much more attractive!
BRYAN: Because I promised her I'd buy her a blue elephant.
PING: Okay, well, did you specify the dimension of the elephant? Because I gotta tell you, there's a big difference between finding a 2D blue elephant and a 3D one.
So we set off innocently to find blue elephants, venturing bravely into furniture stores for small children. I can't say I didn't try to be helpful.
PING: Oh, forget the ugly blue elephant stuff toy! Give her this colourful rat! It's pink and glittery -- and oh my god, that is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. YOU MUST BUY IT FOR HER. Look! Everybody wants a deformed chihuahua!
Then we stumbled into this other store and, lo and behold, I saw the only piece of furniture that I've ever wanted as much as my couch.
PING: It is a blue turret-like tent structure. With hideous curtains. For small children to sit inside! It is the most hideous and gaudy thing I have ever seen. I MUST HAVE IT.
All right. I am going to interrupt myself because I am easily distracted and I want to watch Hugo Weaving in drag again. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert!