oh my god
well today i got to spend 5 hours looking at anorexic models and people trying out for the kim dawson model search. why did i say i wanted to work at a fucking model search? these girls... oh my god. made me feel like such a fat ass. then im all sad becuase im too short and too fat to ever be a model. PLUS it would help if i was pretty.
ive been really good today. one cup of regular coffee w/ milk&sugar. one caramel frappuccino LIGHT. one chocolate chip cookie. thats DAMN good for me. but im really hung over, and becuase of all the coffee on an empty stomach i feel really weird. im all shaky/dizzy/ lightheaded. plus my knees are KILLING me from that week of dance and then standing for 5 hours straight. good lord.
i spaced out BIG TIME today. couldn't find my car in the parking garage. took 15 minutes and walking up and down the garage. embarassing.
starting my fast on monday. liquids only. i dont know how long i want to do it though. its going to be really hard. my mom has really started watching me, and keeps buying all of my favorite foods and keeping them stocked.
got really throwed with kelsi and rachel last night in my backyard. started talking about things that i normally dont. my eating disorder. basically both of them knew about it. and rachel said that tons of my friends at school know. i guess im the subject of a lot of conversations. they think im SUPER skinny. hah. what idiots. they fucking need to get their eyes checked. big time.
i have absolutely NO energy and i have to possibly drive out to see ryan, get laura a birthday present, and then go to laura's party. theres going to be TONS of food their. plus, tons of people who will talk when i dont eat. fuck. i dont know how im going to resist. i think im going to go get some caffine pills. god i love those.
does anybody know how many calories are in smirnoff twist? i said something about how it pissed me off that they dont have the nutrition facts on the bottle and rachel was like ' god. hannah'.
ugh.
ive been really good today. one cup of regular coffee w/ milk&sugar. one caramel frappuccino LIGHT. one chocolate chip cookie. thats DAMN good for me. but im really hung over, and becuase of all the coffee on an empty stomach i feel really weird. im all shaky/dizzy/ lightheaded. plus my knees are KILLING me from that week of dance and then standing for 5 hours straight. good lord.
i spaced out BIG TIME today. couldn't find my car in the parking garage. took 15 minutes and walking up and down the garage. embarassing.
starting my fast on monday. liquids only. i dont know how long i want to do it though. its going to be really hard. my mom has really started watching me, and keeps buying all of my favorite foods and keeping them stocked.
got really throwed with kelsi and rachel last night in my backyard. started talking about things that i normally dont. my eating disorder. basically both of them knew about it. and rachel said that tons of my friends at school know. i guess im the subject of a lot of conversations. they think im SUPER skinny. hah. what idiots. they fucking need to get their eyes checked. big time.
i have absolutely NO energy and i have to possibly drive out to see ryan, get laura a birthday present, and then go to laura's party. theres going to be TONS of food their. plus, tons of people who will talk when i dont eat. fuck. i dont know how im going to resist. i think im going to go get some caffine pills. god i love those.
does anybody know how many calories are in smirnoff twist? i said something about how it pissed me off that they dont have the nutrition facts on the bottle and rachel was like ' god. hannah'.
ugh.