(no subject)
I'm getting so bored with New York. I'm really just sick of everything. I'm sick of late nights and early morning hangovers for nights where I did nothing but spend too much money. I'm sick of scouring Craigslist for hours a day to get responses to about ten percent of my emails for work. I'm sick of...everything.
This summer I really want to focus on my career. I mean, I'm not sure I can do a whole lot better than I have been. Things haven't been great, I just feel sort of stuck. I just feel like I'm tired of going out and putting so much effort into things that aren't the least bit productive. I think this summer I want to skip the parties and build my portfolio instead. I want to take a few trips to VA to shoot with Amber and Jay. I want to make some real progress.
It seems like I might be making some real headway with this web site. I'm more than a little nervous about things working out and Jay being someone I can do things with long term, but I have to put my all into things, otherwise I'll always wonder what could have been. It seems like he's the kind of partner I need, though. I throw out an idea, he sends things I need to move forward with them. I guess we'll see.
Since Amber will be in town soon, I'm considering riding back to VA with her next Wednesday. If I went to see Jay after visiting her, I would end up missing 16 Volt, but I'm considering it. I hate to flake out on things, but I just need a break. I'd like to hang out with Amber, barbecue, shoot, splash around in the kiddy pool. From there I can visit Jay and maybe shoot and/or order some toys for the site and definitely have a lot of sex.
It's strange, when I think about what would feel like a vacation, it's just a real life. I want to go somewhere and get more work, make business plans, do some things during the day.... I need a break from staying in bed all day and sometimes getting drunk and going to shows at night. I guess I want the vacation feeling of the world slowing down, only I need to take action to make that happen, to catch up....
I don't know what's going on right now. I've gotta talk to some people and make some plans. I'm just feeling like it's now or never. The party's over, but real life hasn't started and I can only live in the in-between for so long.
This summer I really want to focus on my career. I mean, I'm not sure I can do a whole lot better than I have been. Things haven't been great, I just feel sort of stuck. I just feel like I'm tired of going out and putting so much effort into things that aren't the least bit productive. I think this summer I want to skip the parties and build my portfolio instead. I want to take a few trips to VA to shoot with Amber and Jay. I want to make some real progress.
It seems like I might be making some real headway with this web site. I'm more than a little nervous about things working out and Jay being someone I can do things with long term, but I have to put my all into things, otherwise I'll always wonder what could have been. It seems like he's the kind of partner I need, though. I throw out an idea, he sends things I need to move forward with them. I guess we'll see.
Since Amber will be in town soon, I'm considering riding back to VA with her next Wednesday. If I went to see Jay after visiting her, I would end up missing 16 Volt, but I'm considering it. I hate to flake out on things, but I just need a break. I'd like to hang out with Amber, barbecue, shoot, splash around in the kiddy pool. From there I can visit Jay and maybe shoot and/or order some toys for the site and definitely have a lot of sex.
It's strange, when I think about what would feel like a vacation, it's just a real life. I want to go somewhere and get more work, make business plans, do some things during the day.... I need a break from staying in bed all day and sometimes getting drunk and going to shows at night. I guess I want the vacation feeling of the world slowing down, only I need to take action to make that happen, to catch up....
I don't know what's going on right now. I've gotta talk to some people and make some plans. I'm just feeling like it's now or never. The party's over, but real life hasn't started and I can only live in the in-between for so long.