(no subject)
I'm really hoping to find some work this week. I got my vegan food I ordered, and I treated myself to a magic wand since a friend dropped the ball on the toy auction we were supposed to split. I don't know if it's the time of year or what, but my sex drive is back to being crazy. I like that, though. Really, part of the reason I went to Four Winds was that my sex drive sort of died, and that scared me. I guess that normally comes and goes with depression, and maybe viewing sex drive as life force isn't totally healthy. I'm really glad to be feeling more like myself again.
Now I need to work on healthy attraction. The only people who really interest me right now are jerks, and I should probably avoid them both. The attraction may be more sexual than emotional with the newer jerk, but I'm not sure. I have a lot of trouble figuring out the difference. Whatever the case, it would be nice if I could be more attracted to the sweet and caring people in my life.
Oh, summer.... I really want to make some real progress in my life now that it's warming up. I'm just trying to figure out the first steps. The only ideas I have involve people I don't want to depend on. I keep hoping things will fall into place, but I'm trying to make sure I understand when I need to stop waiting and do some work myself.
Sometimes I wonder if living is like eating. Our impulses draw us to things that provide what we need in life. Cravings lead us to what we really should have in some form or another. I know I need to learn to understand my feelings and stop trying to make everything logical, but I don't know if I'm healthy enough to trust my instincts. I haven't been able to think myself out of the situation I've been in, so maybe it's worth a shot.
Now I need to work on healthy attraction. The only people who really interest me right now are jerks, and I should probably avoid them both. The attraction may be more sexual than emotional with the newer jerk, but I'm not sure. I have a lot of trouble figuring out the difference. Whatever the case, it would be nice if I could be more attracted to the sweet and caring people in my life.
Oh, summer.... I really want to make some real progress in my life now that it's warming up. I'm just trying to figure out the first steps. The only ideas I have involve people I don't want to depend on. I keep hoping things will fall into place, but I'm trying to make sure I understand when I need to stop waiting and do some work myself.
Sometimes I wonder if living is like eating. Our impulses draw us to things that provide what we need in life. Cravings lead us to what we really should have in some form or another. I know I need to learn to understand my feelings and stop trying to make everything logical, but I don't know if I'm healthy enough to trust my instincts. I haven't been able to think myself out of the situation I've been in, so maybe it's worth a shot.