(no subject)
I'm working on a coming-out letter to my parents.
This is something of an exercise in absurdity, because, um... I'm out to my parents.
I just haven't come out to my parents, exactly.
This isn't because I'm being a freaked-out, avoidant coward (well, not mostly); it's just that once I started being out, I stopped coming out. If you're not hiding anything, what's to come out about, you know?
It's like this: my parents have seen me play multiple male acting roles. They've seen me wearing my "Nice Jewish Boy" t-shirt. They've read me referring to myself in both masculine and gender-neutral terms. I've told them I don't use feminine pronouns, or my original name. They know I identify as genderqueer/transgender. They've been to an art show where all (other) parties present interacted with me as a guy. They've seen art pieces that reference my identity--as a guy. They even laughed at the funny parts. My dad cuts my hair, for Christ's sake.
And everything is perfect with us, and I don't want to fuck it up. I've been seriously considering just... letting them make their own decisions about how much they see.
Except my dad has been making these idiot comments about the things that "girls" do and don't do. Which is completely out of character--he's never characterized me as a girl in my life, much less made creepy misogynist assumptions about car-knowledge and sports and shit. He's the femmest guy I know (it's a good thing). And my mom keeps asking me questions I've already answered. And I'm on testosterone, which will freak them out, though maybe less since I'm already on it, and still recognizably me. And my youngest brother already knows I'm on T, 'cause if they found out and threw a fit and I couldn't see him for a few weeks, I wanted him to know why, but I think it bugs him to know when they don't.
It's just a weird letter. It's either really needlessly repetitive, or reads very awkwardly--I can't see just leaving them a Post-It that says, "I'm on testosterone; let me know if you have any questions or want to talk to my doctors; otherwise, we can skip it" but it's looking like a better and better option.
This is something of an exercise in absurdity, because, um... I'm out to my parents.
I just haven't come out to my parents, exactly.
This isn't because I'm being a freaked-out, avoidant coward (well, not mostly); it's just that once I started being out, I stopped coming out. If you're not hiding anything, what's to come out about, you know?
It's like this: my parents have seen me play multiple male acting roles. They've seen me wearing my "Nice Jewish Boy" t-shirt. They've read me referring to myself in both masculine and gender-neutral terms. I've told them I don't use feminine pronouns, or my original name. They know I identify as genderqueer/transgender. They've been to an art show where all (other) parties present interacted with me as a guy. They've seen art pieces that reference my identity--as a guy. They even laughed at the funny parts. My dad cuts my hair, for Christ's sake.
And everything is perfect with us, and I don't want to fuck it up. I've been seriously considering just... letting them make their own decisions about how much they see.
Except my dad has been making these idiot comments about the things that "girls" do and don't do. Which is completely out of character--he's never characterized me as a girl in my life, much less made creepy misogynist assumptions about car-knowledge and sports and shit. He's the femmest guy I know (it's a good thing). And my mom keeps asking me questions I've already answered. And I'm on testosterone, which will freak them out, though maybe less since I'm already on it, and still recognizably me. And my youngest brother already knows I'm on T, 'cause if they found out and threw a fit and I couldn't see him for a few weeks, I wanted him to know why, but I think it bugs him to know when they don't.
It's just a weird letter. It's either really needlessly repetitive, or reads very awkwardly--I can't see just leaving them a Post-It that says, "I'm on testosterone; let me know if you have any questions or want to talk to my doctors; otherwise, we can skip it" but it's looking like a better and better option.