personal log, stardate 2256.80
Security clearance: Security, schmecurity.
See! I can learn from my mistakes. Turns out alcohol in reasonable amounts can be relaxing and beneficial!
Last night was certainly beneficial for me, anyway. Having the chance to unwind with friends was just what I needed. The evening managed to both alleviate my boredom and even took my mind off of work-stress and a few other things that had been bothering me.
Since being assigned permanently to the Enterprise, I've been feeling kind of... lost? I guess. After the... incident with Nero, the few cadets left all kind of came together mourning the friends, family, and mentors we'd lost. It was painful and heart-wrenching, but I didn't feel alone.
But when you're on assignment, there's really no room for that. Everyone sticks their chins up and carries on, and that's really and truly a good thing. It's just... the only person I was really close to who made it through the tragedy is so distant right now that I sometimes feel like I'm assigned to a ship full of strangers (not that the Doctor and the Captain haven't helped to alleviate that, because they really, really have).
And sometimes, I feel this crushing loneliness, but it gets knotted up in my stomach with guilt. Because, hell, there are people who lost so much more than I did that a vague sense of alienation is something they'd kill for if it undid what happened. People who've lost loved ones as well as collegues; people who've lost everyone they had. I can't even fathom how the Commander--
Um, yeah. A lot of people lost so much more, and I should probably soldier-up and deal, but when I come off a long shift and there's no one in my quarters quietly reciting future-tense conjugations of some language from a quadrant I've never heard of -- It feels wrong.
I mean, we're not roommates anymore (because full-fledged Starfleet Officers get their own quarters, and, despite all my whining, that in and of itself is kind of amazing after dorm-life), and I know she's dealing with something right now (and really, who isn't?), but I just want to talk to a friend. Because we lost a lot, but we also lived, and that's got to be worth even more.
I want someone to share that with.
So, um, Nyota? You wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime? You can talk about what's bothering you, or not. Hell, I'll even let you try to teach me conversational Klingon for the 50th time. I just... I miss you.
And the power of my run-on sentences will completely overwhelm you. ;)
See! I can learn from my mistakes. Turns out alcohol in reasonable amounts can be relaxing and beneficial!
Last night was certainly beneficial for me, anyway. Having the chance to unwind with friends was just what I needed. The evening managed to both alleviate my boredom and even took my mind off of work-stress and a few other things that had been bothering me.
Since being assigned permanently to the Enterprise, I've been feeling kind of... lost? I guess. After the... incident with Nero, the few cadets left all kind of came together mourning the friends, family, and mentors we'd lost. It was painful and heart-wrenching, but I didn't feel alone.
But when you're on assignment, there's really no room for that. Everyone sticks their chins up and carries on, and that's really and truly a good thing. It's just... the only person I was really close to who made it through the tragedy is so distant right now that I sometimes feel like I'm assigned to a ship full of strangers (not that the Doctor and the Captain haven't helped to alleviate that, because they really, really have).
And sometimes, I feel this crushing loneliness, but it gets knotted up in my stomach with guilt. Because, hell, there are people who lost so much more than I did that a vague sense of alienation is something they'd kill for if it undid what happened. People who've lost loved ones as well as collegues; people who've lost everyone they had. I can't even fathom how the Commander--
Um, yeah. A lot of people lost so much more, and I should probably soldier-up and deal, but when I come off a long shift and there's no one in my quarters quietly reciting future-tense conjugations of some language from a quadrant I've never heard of -- It feels wrong.
I mean, we're not roommates anymore (because full-fledged Starfleet Officers get their own quarters, and, despite all my whining, that in and of itself is kind of amazing after dorm-life), and I know she's dealing with something right now (and really, who isn't?), but I just want to talk to a friend. Because we lost a lot, but we also lived, and that's got to be worth even more.
I want someone to share that with.
So, um, Nyota? You wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime? You can talk about what's bothering you, or not. Hell, I'll even let you try to teach me conversational Klingon for the 50th time. I just... I miss you.
And the power of my run-on sentences will completely overwhelm you. ;)