I have grown! THANK ALLAH!
I have so many goals for this year. This livejournal could, in many ways, be considered obsolete. All my thoughts go into my own personal journal and no one reads this anymore, I don't think.
I feel too selfish...
Do you ever feel selfish writing endlessly about yourself thinking, hoping secretly in your head that you'll get a response and when you never do you are sad? I used to get sad when no one responded. Now I think it's preferred. It's just interesting to see how much I've changed over the years... I've never looked back at my old entries, but I'm sure there's some really funny things there.
GOALS:
*eat healthier
*exercise regularly
*keep up with reading
*attend classes
*avoid females like the plague because you should know better by now, Maika, that they only fuck with your head and you get too distracted when you start talking to a girl/girls romantically.
And look what I've done? I have decided to just openly admit to being a player. I think admittance and acceptance is the first step to healing. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be Shane, numb to every girl who thinks she loves me. Unable to open up.
I know I have the capacity to commit--it's such a staple ideal in my mind, surely I'm able to do it. Right?
I have been thinking a lot about an old friend of mine, Nicola. I am pretty sure she's lost all hope. She dropped out of college and gets high all the time with her boyfriend. Shrooms, acid, weed, who the fuck knows what else... That in turn reminds me of who Hannah used to be--she used to be completely engrossed by her drugs. I'm so glad she's more focused now and has hope for life again. Do I sound like a prude to you?
Here is something I wrote inspired by Hannah:
***DISCLAIMER*** this is old and after reading over it I think it's a little simple and... yeah. It was also mostly a fictitious creation...
Your color deep acid blue makes my mouth water, smack my lips, lick them with my tongue to hold back a spill of emotion, hunger quenched by your acid green color. Passionate, internal chemical connection keeps us together blissfully. Rolling, twisting, contorting into shapes that exude pleasure. Your acid purple swirls fill my mind, you are a blur, life for you is a blur and I want to be a swirl of color in your life,
I want to experience letting go
I want to indulge in you.
*
*
*
I feel too selfish...
Do you ever feel selfish writing endlessly about yourself thinking, hoping secretly in your head that you'll get a response and when you never do you are sad? I used to get sad when no one responded. Now I think it's preferred. It's just interesting to see how much I've changed over the years... I've never looked back at my old entries, but I'm sure there's some really funny things there.
GOALS:
*eat healthier
*exercise regularly
*keep up with reading
*attend classes
*avoid females like the plague because you should know better by now, Maika, that they only fuck with your head and you get too distracted when you start talking to a girl/girls romantically.
And look what I've done? I have decided to just openly admit to being a player. I think admittance and acceptance is the first step to healing. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be Shane, numb to every girl who thinks she loves me. Unable to open up.
I know I have the capacity to commit--it's such a staple ideal in my mind, surely I'm able to do it. Right?
I have been thinking a lot about an old friend of mine, Nicola. I am pretty sure she's lost all hope. She dropped out of college and gets high all the time with her boyfriend. Shrooms, acid, weed, who the fuck knows what else... That in turn reminds me of who Hannah used to be--she used to be completely engrossed by her drugs. I'm so glad she's more focused now and has hope for life again. Do I sound like a prude to you?
Here is something I wrote inspired by Hannah:
***DISCLAIMER*** this is old and after reading over it I think it's a little simple and... yeah. It was also mostly a fictitious creation...
Your color deep acid blue makes my mouth water, smack my lips, lick them with my tongue to hold back a spill of emotion, hunger quenched by your acid green color. Passionate, internal chemical connection keeps us together blissfully. Rolling, twisting, contorting into shapes that exude pleasure. Your acid purple swirls fill my mind, you are a blur, life for you is a blur and I want to be a swirl of color in your life,
I want to experience letting go
I want to indulge in you.
*
*
*