Feeling stressed...
I am stressed about school and life in general. The classes for my program end next month and then I have two huge research papers due at the end of January. It isn't that terrible except I have emailed my supervisor for the papers and he has yet to get back to me. I would like to get started on the papers and not procrastinate as I typically do. I need him to get back to me so I can know what his expectations are with the papers... I am trying to figure out if I will stay in Spain through the end of January or return to Copenhagen. There are so many decisions to make and everything is up in the air. I have applied for two jobs in Copenhagen and I am REALLY hoping to get one of them because they would be the perfect jobs to have while writing my huge dissertation. If I get one of the jobs I am hoping for then I will return to Denmark in early January....if not, then I will more than likely stay here through the end of January/Early February.
What I know as of now...I will stay in Spain through the end of December. I have a place to live in Copenhagen through the end of February. Things will work out somehow. What I don't know as of now...where I will be living after February, what I will focus my research papers on, if I need to come back to Spain to give oral presentations on these papers, and whether one of my best friends and her husband will come to visit me over the Christmas holiday.
Yesterday I found out from my partner (NT) we could stay in the apartment he is living in (in Copenhagen) through the end of the summer. His flatmate had just told him the good news and she wanted him to share it with me. I was so excited and a huge relief was taken off of me because finding housing in Copenhagen is atrocious. Plus the flat is close to my school and to the place I could potentially be working, BUT then when he talked with his flatmate/friend again to tell her I was definitely interested in that she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to continue living there anymore. I was so upset. She suddenly just changed her mind in a few days and I don't really understand why. We are respectful people and this would be a perfect living situation for all of us since we are all mature students. I was so frustrated to go from the one extreme of being elated to the total opposite extreme of being completely let down. NT and I talked about keeping the apartment ourselves but it is expensive...like over $1000 dollars for a not-so-big place. If I get one of the jobs I applied for then NT and I could just stay in the apartment ourselves and it would definitely be more affordable but not great.
To complicate matters I have to tell my teaching jobs I could be leaving in January. I would like to give them the heads up but then I don't want to stress them if I might stay here through Jan. UGH! I like knowing how things are going to go and right now I can't predict that. I need to have more stability in my life because it is driving me crazy. I am struggling with eating healthy and avoiding sweets even though I know that is what is best for me. I spend all of my time worrying and I need to stop. I need someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be fine in time. I can't find the energy to do this for myself. I think I need a good cry...There is always so much to do and I can't seem to get everything done. Things hang over my head and yet I still don't manage to take care of them....returning emails, researching, posting pictures, taking care of my student loans which were in deferment but now aren't and this isn't good because it is ruining my credit, etc., etc.
I will see NT in two weeks and I can't wait. I get a short weekend with him because I am going to Copenhagen to take care of some things (going to the doctor, finally getting my Spanish visa so I can stay here a few more weeks, getting lots books/articles for my paper, and hopefully doing a job interview). This was a unplanned trip which manifested yesterday because I found out I got my student visa finally and I have to go to Copenhagen to pick it up before Dec. 22nd. NT bought his ticket yesterday too and he will come to Spain for his Christmas break. I can't find the strength to be excited because I am just so anxious about the future. Of course deep down I am truly ecstatic because it will be so nice to be close with him again. I miss him, I miss my friends, I miss just having a semi-normal life where I am settled somewhere and I have somewhat of an idea of the future.
What I know as of now...I will stay in Spain through the end of December. I have a place to live in Copenhagen through the end of February. Things will work out somehow. What I don't know as of now...where I will be living after February, what I will focus my research papers on, if I need to come back to Spain to give oral presentations on these papers, and whether one of my best friends and her husband will come to visit me over the Christmas holiday.
Yesterday I found out from my partner (NT) we could stay in the apartment he is living in (in Copenhagen) through the end of the summer. His flatmate had just told him the good news and she wanted him to share it with me. I was so excited and a huge relief was taken off of me because finding housing in Copenhagen is atrocious. Plus the flat is close to my school and to the place I could potentially be working, BUT then when he talked with his flatmate/friend again to tell her I was definitely interested in that she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to continue living there anymore. I was so upset. She suddenly just changed her mind in a few days and I don't really understand why. We are respectful people and this would be a perfect living situation for all of us since we are all mature students. I was so frustrated to go from the one extreme of being elated to the total opposite extreme of being completely let down. NT and I talked about keeping the apartment ourselves but it is expensive...like over $1000 dollars for a not-so-big place. If I get one of the jobs I applied for then NT and I could just stay in the apartment ourselves and it would definitely be more affordable but not great.
To complicate matters I have to tell my teaching jobs I could be leaving in January. I would like to give them the heads up but then I don't want to stress them if I might stay here through Jan. UGH! I like knowing how things are going to go and right now I can't predict that. I need to have more stability in my life because it is driving me crazy. I am struggling with eating healthy and avoiding sweets even though I know that is what is best for me. I spend all of my time worrying and I need to stop. I need someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be fine in time. I can't find the energy to do this for myself. I think I need a good cry...There is always so much to do and I can't seem to get everything done. Things hang over my head and yet I still don't manage to take care of them....returning emails, researching, posting pictures, taking care of my student loans which were in deferment but now aren't and this isn't good because it is ruining my credit, etc., etc.
I will see NT in two weeks and I can't wait. I get a short weekend with him because I am going to Copenhagen to take care of some things (going to the doctor, finally getting my Spanish visa so I can stay here a few more weeks, getting lots books/articles for my paper, and hopefully doing a job interview). This was a unplanned trip which manifested yesterday because I found out I got my student visa finally and I have to go to Copenhagen to pick it up before Dec. 22nd. NT bought his ticket yesterday too and he will come to Spain for his Christmas break. I can't find the strength to be excited because I am just so anxious about the future. Of course deep down I am truly ecstatic because it will be so nice to be close with him again. I miss him, I miss my friends, I miss just having a semi-normal life where I am settled somewhere and I have somewhat of an idea of the future.