The Scorchies
Behind cuts for massive spam the second annual Scorchie Awards!
Me: Welcome, guests and friends, to this award extravaganza, where I give thanks to those who went above and beyond the call of duty to make my LiveJournal more interesting. We have a big show tonight with many celebrity appearances. But let's greet our hosts: Baron Sengir from Magic: The Gathering and Pit from Kid Icarus!
Baron Sengir: Ah! Greetings! This has been a great year for vampires in Magic! First we have Mirri as she should have been in the first place, then I get my creature type changed! Marvelous!
Kid Icarus: It's been a big year for me too! The fans demanded I be in Smash Bros., and now I finally am! Can a sequel be far behind?
Baron Sengir: *waves dismissively* Yes, yes. First, to present the award for Most Legendary Thread, Optimus Prime!
Optimus Prime: Greetings! This has been a big year for me as well. First I had a fantastic new movie last summer, and now I have an equally fantastic new cartoon! In fact I just got off the set from my new movie *audience cheers* and my big scene with Grimlock and the Constructicons. But I don't think I'm supposed to talk about that yet! The winner for Most Legendary Thread is: Transformers from July 10th, regarding said movie!
Me: I was pretty middle of the road about that movie, and a lot of people were very passionate one way or the other. So my review really got a lot of attention and discussion!
Optimus Prime: Good luck to all of tonight's contenders. After all... I'm not reading that. *looks off stage for a bit, then sighs* Okay, fine. After all, the chance to win a Scorchie is the right of all sentient beings. *leaves*
Baron Sengir: Ah, a true gentleman! Who was that charming young woman from the first movie? I must meet her!
Kid Icarus: Uhm, okay. Now, to present the award for award for Best Supporter of my Fragile Mind, it's Earthscorch, himself!
Me: Well, the winner is Sapphirebreeze! I had a lot of people who were supportive of me, but she really went beyond the normal call of duty! I was going to get Two-Face, but they wouldn't let him out of Arkham for an award show. I asked Batman, 'Who do you think you are?' And do you know what he told me?
Baron Sengir: I'm the goddamned Batman?
Me: ... Maybe.
Pit: Okay! Moving on!
Baron Sengir: Wait! Speaking of people he wanted to have host but couldn't, remember how you told me, 'I wish Tonks could host, but somebody who shall remain nameless killed her off in a lapse of judgement?' Well, you seem to have forgotten that you were talking to someone with necromancers in the family!
Me: Oh god...
Baron Sengir: So we tapped a few swamps and, long story short... Everyone give a big hand for Zombie Tonks! *a rotting corpse with pink hair shambles out* She may not be up for presenting any awards, though... *he pokes her and her eyeball pops out* Perhaps this was in bad taste...
Pit: As I was saying; moving on! *stage hands remove the zombie*
Me: This seems like a good time to introduce our musical number! Dethklok was impossible to get, but I can always rely on my old friend Dazzler! As a special treat for Sapphirebreeze, here she is, singing a disco cover of One Tin Soldier!
*A performance ensues. Afterward, Baron Sengir is surrounded by Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, and Zero Suit Samus, who all seem strangely pale*
Baron Sengir: Pit! Look, I met all your little friends backstage during the performance! You must introduce me to your patroness, Pateluna, some time!
Pit: Uhhh...
Baron Sengir: But anyway, the next award for Best Team Player will be presented by a team who has had an exciting past year, Sam and Max!
Sam: It's a real pleasure to be up here presenting an award and plugging our new products!
Max: Yeah! Shame on everyone who hasn't bought our new game and trade paperback! What the hell is wrong with you people?
Sam: Easy there, little pal! Without further ado, this year's Best Team Player is Flyinglandon!
Max: Never say ado again!
Me: He really came out of left field and replied like there was no tomorrow, blowing away the competition!
Sam: Congratulations!
Max: Now go buy our damn stuff!
Sam: You crack me up! Ha ha!
*The two are escorted away.*
Baron Sengir: Ah, we are approaching the end of our show!
Pit: But first we have a special award! It has come to Earthscorch's attention that someone deserving an award last year was overlooked! To present the award is Earthscorch's close personal friend, the Avatar from Ultima!
Avatar: Thank you! Thank you! Due to a terrible oversight, a valuable contribution was missed in last year's presentation! For creating a special avatar for Earthscorch, I present this special award to Invisiblemoose!
Me: Don't worry! I'll start using it any day now! Thanks to Bakaknight for offering help in creating avatars too!
Pit: Our last award has a problem. It was the Heart of Gold award, to be presented by the president of the universe himself, Zaphod Beeblebrox. But I just received word that he left with Dazzler. And he took the award. We sent Neil Young to find it, but...
Me: Don't say it!
Pit: ... He says he's still looking.
Me: Damn it! What did I just say?
Baron Sengir: A pity! I was looking forward to making Dazzler's acquaintance!
Me: Oh well! You guys all have hearts of gold! Consider yourselves all winners! Thanks for making this last year on LiveJournal especially great! Don't forget to start pandering for next year's awards right away!
Me: Welcome, guests and friends, to this award extravaganza, where I give thanks to those who went above and beyond the call of duty to make my LiveJournal more interesting. We have a big show tonight with many celebrity appearances. But let's greet our hosts: Baron Sengir from Magic: The Gathering and Pit from Kid Icarus!
Baron Sengir: Ah! Greetings! This has been a great year for vampires in Magic! First we have Mirri as she should have been in the first place, then I get my creature type changed! Marvelous!
Kid Icarus: It's been a big year for me too! The fans demanded I be in Smash Bros., and now I finally am! Can a sequel be far behind?
Baron Sengir: *waves dismissively* Yes, yes. First, to present the award for Most Legendary Thread, Optimus Prime!
Optimus Prime: Greetings! This has been a big year for me as well. First I had a fantastic new movie last summer, and now I have an equally fantastic new cartoon! In fact I just got off the set from my new movie *audience cheers* and my big scene with Grimlock and the Constructicons. But I don't think I'm supposed to talk about that yet! The winner for Most Legendary Thread is: Transformers from July 10th, regarding said movie!
Me: I was pretty middle of the road about that movie, and a lot of people were very passionate one way or the other. So my review really got a lot of attention and discussion!
Optimus Prime: Good luck to all of tonight's contenders. After all... I'm not reading that. *looks off stage for a bit, then sighs* Okay, fine. After all, the chance to win a Scorchie is the right of all sentient beings. *leaves*
Baron Sengir: Ah, a true gentleman! Who was that charming young woman from the first movie? I must meet her!
Kid Icarus: Uhm, okay. Now, to present the award for award for Best Supporter of my Fragile Mind, it's Earthscorch, himself!
Me: Well, the winner is Sapphirebreeze! I had a lot of people who were supportive of me, but she really went beyond the normal call of duty! I was going to get Two-Face, but they wouldn't let him out of Arkham for an award show. I asked Batman, 'Who do you think you are?' And do you know what he told me?
Baron Sengir: I'm the goddamned Batman?
Me: ... Maybe.
Pit: Okay! Moving on!
Baron Sengir: Wait! Speaking of people he wanted to have host but couldn't, remember how you told me, 'I wish Tonks could host, but somebody who shall remain nameless killed her off in a lapse of judgement?' Well, you seem to have forgotten that you were talking to someone with necromancers in the family!
Me: Oh god...
Baron Sengir: So we tapped a few swamps and, long story short... Everyone give a big hand for Zombie Tonks! *a rotting corpse with pink hair shambles out* She may not be up for presenting any awards, though... *he pokes her and her eyeball pops out* Perhaps this was in bad taste...
Pit: As I was saying; moving on! *stage hands remove the zombie*
Me: This seems like a good time to introduce our musical number! Dethklok was impossible to get, but I can always rely on my old friend Dazzler! As a special treat for Sapphirebreeze, here she is, singing a disco cover of One Tin Soldier!
*A performance ensues. Afterward, Baron Sengir is surrounded by Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, and Zero Suit Samus, who all seem strangely pale*
Baron Sengir: Pit! Look, I met all your little friends backstage during the performance! You must introduce me to your patroness, Pateluna, some time!
Pit: Uhhh...
Baron Sengir: But anyway, the next award for Best Team Player will be presented by a team who has had an exciting past year, Sam and Max!
Sam: It's a real pleasure to be up here presenting an award and plugging our new products!
Max: Yeah! Shame on everyone who hasn't bought our new game and trade paperback! What the hell is wrong with you people?
Sam: Easy there, little pal! Without further ado, this year's Best Team Player is Flyinglandon!
Max: Never say ado again!
Me: He really came out of left field and replied like there was no tomorrow, blowing away the competition!
Sam: Congratulations!
Max: Now go buy our damn stuff!
Sam: You crack me up! Ha ha!
*The two are escorted away.*
Baron Sengir: Ah, we are approaching the end of our show!
Pit: But first we have a special award! It has come to Earthscorch's attention that someone deserving an award last year was overlooked! To present the award is Earthscorch's close personal friend, the Avatar from Ultima!
Avatar: Thank you! Thank you! Due to a terrible oversight, a valuable contribution was missed in last year's presentation! For creating a special avatar for Earthscorch, I present this special award to Invisiblemoose!
Me: Don't worry! I'll start using it any day now! Thanks to Bakaknight for offering help in creating avatars too!
Pit: Our last award has a problem. It was the Heart of Gold award, to be presented by the president of the universe himself, Zaphod Beeblebrox. But I just received word that he left with Dazzler. And he took the award. We sent Neil Young to find it, but...
Me: Don't say it!
Pit: ... He says he's still looking.
Me: Damn it! What did I just say?
Baron Sengir: A pity! I was looking forward to making Dazzler's acquaintance!
Me: Oh well! You guys all have hearts of gold! Consider yourselves all winners! Thanks for making this last year on LiveJournal especially great! Don't forget to start pandering for next year's awards right away!