(no subject)

[earthly_being]

have you ever had one of those days when you think that nothing can go wrong? good niether have i. well i've never had a whole day where i thought nothing could go wrong,but yesterday came damn close. and then i called racheal. i pulled up my chair getting ready for one of our hour long conversations. she picked up the phone and asked if she could call me back later. sure i said and hung. i waited for a while and then she called back. we talked for a while about our usual stuff, anime and the like. she said that she would have to get off the phone soon, but there was something she needed to talk to me about. the minuete the words were out of her mouth i felt sick to my stomach. i get like that you know. for those of you who don't know we had went on a date on sunday and we were kinda going pretty steady. well she said yesterday that she needed space. oh boy with that one. how many times have i heard that one before? she sounded like she felt really bad about it and i'm sure she did. she asked me if i was okay, if i was okay with not "going steady," and of course i said yeah. what else was i supposed to say? no? please no? please i have a huge problem with seperation? of course not, so i said the only thing i could say. sure okay. she repeatedly assured me that while she didn't want a relationship right now that it did not mean she didn't like me anymore. whether i beleive that or not i don't know. so uh racheal if you're reading this i'm sorry i lied to you. no i wasn't okay i was miserable the whole day. not your fault in any way though. please don't think that. this is all me. when i'm with someone i get...attached. that's the only word i can use for it. and when that "attachment" "ends"...i don't know why but i just feel like everything has ended. i want so much to tell you that i'm okay with it, but i'm not. but to paraphrase the words of brian, i want you to be happy, whether that's with me or not dosen't matter only that you're happy.
i care about you so much and want only the greatest happiness for you.
live long,prosper, and may the force be with you y'all
josh.