(no subject)
fuck my hips HURT. not just the normal hurting either. i'll be lucky if i can still move by the time i get home from work. im gonna end up having to get my father to drag me out of my car. havent felt pain like this since i had the fever for a week, woke up in such pain i had to drag myself across the floor with my arms so i could shoot up to make it bearable, then checked myself into detox cuz the dope just wasnt cuttin' it anymore. FUCK. at least i made it to work. didnt think id make it up the stairs out of my room.
whatever. will survive. always do. i think its a combination of having danaced at haven (its been getting much worse since then), starting to come down with a cold (as that always affects my pain level), coming down off the methadone (wednesday was the 4th week, down to 26mg now, it was two days after i dropped from 25 to 20 the last time that i relapsed from pain and sickness, but this time i go from 26 to 25, so no worry bout that....but i might not drop down next week if i still feel like this), the weather being crappy, and the time of month, i go through pain cycles over a 30 day cycle, its quite interesting. so that was pretty much where i was at so long ago, same circumstances except that it was doing less high quality dope instead of getting less methadone.
last night sucked ass too. i was so beat, but i wentto hang out with michael and erin anyway, and then erin ended up being in a bad mood yet again (seems she always is when michael wants the three of us to hang out, its always something, but usually she cheers up) but last night she didnt cheer up so i waited in their apartment, michael came back once after about 20 minutes and vented, and then went out to look for her again after i told him i would go home if he wanted, that i understood (which i did) if erin just wanted to be alone. so he found her again, then came back 20 minutes later and said he didnt think it would be looking good anytime soon so i told him no prob, and he was happy i was not at all annoyed with him. why would i want to stay there if shes in a bad mood?! we all go through times we just want to be alone, and i can respect that!
the buses keep coming and its really annoying. i hate bus people. they piss me off. but at least im not on registers today, im in fudge, and at this point id much rather ring out fudge and give people samples than sit on the registers, i dont think id last in there at all, at least in fudge i can kinda keep a slower pace and not move around so much and bend down and everything else.
im so bloated. i have such a bad migraine. i want to just chop my legs off with a dull axe because i know that would be less painful than what im experiencing now, not to mention at least tehn there would be a logical explanation for why im in pain. but having no legs would suck, but a fake leg could be useful. nothing like being able to pop one off and beat some annoying son-of-a-bitch over the head!
eh, my father always said "do you want me to cut your toe off?" when my sister and i complained about pain, the reason being that if he cut a toe off we wouldnt feel the pain wherever it was on our bodies cuz the toe would hurt so much more. and im sure i could find someone to do that for me. theres enough masochists out there
to work, bleh. usually im happy. today i hope they send me home for copping an attitude with someone, maybe theyll just be like "amy, guests are complaining about your attitude today, we think you should just go home and when you come in saturday make sure you have a better mood with you." thatd kick ass.
ugh.
whatever. will survive. always do. i think its a combination of having danaced at haven (its been getting much worse since then), starting to come down with a cold (as that always affects my pain level), coming down off the methadone (wednesday was the 4th week, down to 26mg now, it was two days after i dropped from 25 to 20 the last time that i relapsed from pain and sickness, but this time i go from 26 to 25, so no worry bout that....but i might not drop down next week if i still feel like this), the weather being crappy, and the time of month, i go through pain cycles over a 30 day cycle, its quite interesting. so that was pretty much where i was at so long ago, same circumstances except that it was doing less high quality dope instead of getting less methadone.
last night sucked ass too. i was so beat, but i wentto hang out with michael and erin anyway, and then erin ended up being in a bad mood yet again (seems she always is when michael wants the three of us to hang out, its always something, but usually she cheers up) but last night she didnt cheer up so i waited in their apartment, michael came back once after about 20 minutes and vented, and then went out to look for her again after i told him i would go home if he wanted, that i understood (which i did) if erin just wanted to be alone. so he found her again, then came back 20 minutes later and said he didnt think it would be looking good anytime soon so i told him no prob, and he was happy i was not at all annoyed with him. why would i want to stay there if shes in a bad mood?! we all go through times we just want to be alone, and i can respect that!
the buses keep coming and its really annoying. i hate bus people. they piss me off. but at least im not on registers today, im in fudge, and at this point id much rather ring out fudge and give people samples than sit on the registers, i dont think id last in there at all, at least in fudge i can kinda keep a slower pace and not move around so much and bend down and everything else.
im so bloated. i have such a bad migraine. i want to just chop my legs off with a dull axe because i know that would be less painful than what im experiencing now, not to mention at least tehn there would be a logical explanation for why im in pain. but having no legs would suck, but a fake leg could be useful. nothing like being able to pop one off and beat some annoying son-of-a-bitch over the head!
eh, my father always said "do you want me to cut your toe off?" when my sister and i complained about pain, the reason being that if he cut a toe off we wouldnt feel the pain wherever it was on our bodies cuz the toe would hurt so much more. and im sure i could find someone to do that for me. theres enough masochists out there
to work, bleh. usually im happy. today i hope they send me home for copping an attitude with someone, maybe theyll just be like "amy, guests are complaining about your attitude today, we think you should just go home and when you come in saturday make sure you have a better mood with you." thatd kick ass.
ugh.