I've decided to stop posting these on MySpace.
Twelve things you wish you could say to different people right now (don't list names):
1) Grow up you selfish cunt.
2.) While I think there are many people who can coast on charm (and clearly you've done it up till this point) there's a certain time in everyone's life where some responsibility has to be taken in order to get what you want. I think your time has come.
3.) Never again.
4.) I love you so much more than I can tell you.
5.) Happiness is what you make of it. I've always let you go your own way. You've never just let me go mine. You've always been there nagging and criticizing. Isn't it funny that now I'm the more responsible one and you've well, kinda fucked up big time? Isn't it?
6.) You're a talentless hack and exceedingly irritating.
7.) If I had a penis, I would totally fuck a baby into your pussy. If I had a strap-on I would try just as hard.
8.) I'm getting a fucking pizza!
9.) Smile a little more.
10.) I can't wait to see you again. Next time it'll be longer, I promise.
11.) I wish you weren't dead.
12.) Teach me. Teach me the ways of love.
Eleven things that you're proud of:
1.) My mom.
2.) My uncanny ability to detect a child in need of a sticker or a hand stamp.
3.) My getting off my ass and moving to Alaska (seriously, best thing I've ever done for myself)
4.) My little brother for doing all the things he's going to do to improve himself and make himself a happy, healthy man.
5.) Improving my eating habits.
6.) Going to the fucking gym again.
7.) Trying to get over my social anxiety.
8.) Getting that totally hot guy a library card the other day without melting into a puddle on the floor or otherwise acting like an idiot.
9.) That 15 months I busted my ass working full-time while also getting my master's degree.
10.) Recognizing the difference between quantity and quality in just about every aspect of my life.
11.) Overcoming my fear of dentists.
Ten things that scare you:
1. loud, unexpected noises.
2. conversations about religion.
3.
My mom dying.
4. my car finally shitting out on me.
5. Being in debt forever.
6. Not being able to have a baby.
7. What might happen after my mom dies.
8. Losing my job.
9. Flying ninja monkeys.
10. Religious fanatics.
Nine things about yourself:
1.) my hair is red
2.) I'm a square.
3.) I love me some food.
4.
) I am super cool despite being socially awkward.
5.) I like nothing more than a good book and a bottle of wine.
6.) I'm probably the coolest person you could ever know.
7.) I love to lay in the sun.
8.) I'm smokin' hot.
9.) I have an problem with a lot of little things.
Eight ways to win your heart:
1. Bring me food.
2. Listen to what I have to say.
3. Be kind to people.
4.
No, seriously. I'm starving...
5. Don't you dare say anything bad about my mother unless you have photographic evidence and at least three eyewitnesses.
6. Make me laugh even (and especially) when I'm feelin' blue.
7. Equally, laugh at my stupid jokes.
8. Ask me about something FUCKING interesting (this does not include Ultimate Fighting, NASCAR, MTV and a myriad of other lame-ass topics.
Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
1. I hope my mom knows I love her.
2.
I wish I got paid more.
3. I wonder if I should get a tattoo...
4. I can't wait for people to stop talking about this fucking election.
5. My ukulele.
6. Edward Gibbon.
7. Paying bills.
Six things you wish you never did:
1.
I
2.
Try
3.
Not
4) to
5) regret
6)Anything
Five turn offs:
1.) narrow-minded jerks.
2.) people who dwell on the past.
3.) that large percentage of the American public that can't find India on a map.
4.) the sound of someone smacking their lips when they eat.
5.) having to pee.
Four turn ons:
1.) Being able to share a comfortable silence.
2.) being able to show emotion appropriately.
3.) Being a fabulous lay.
4.) Being able to make and hold eye contact.
Three words/ideas that can describe your philosophy on life:
1: skeptical
2: humorous
3: loving
Two things you want to do before you die:
1.) I want to be instrumental in making people see libraries as extremely valuable. Soooo many people are in need of that kind of educatin'.
2.) I want to raise an incredible child.
One confession:
When all is said and done, I judge the relationships I have with other people not on the number of beers we have, not on the amount of time we spend together, but on the emotional bond we share, the support we give each other. Everything else is pretty useless.
1) Grow up you selfish cunt.
2.) While I think there are many people who can coast on charm (and clearly you've done it up till this point) there's a certain time in everyone's life where some responsibility has to be taken in order to get what you want. I think your time has come.
3.) Never again.
4.) I love you so much more than I can tell you.
5.) Happiness is what you make of it. I've always let you go your own way. You've never just let me go mine. You've always been there nagging and criticizing. Isn't it funny that now I'm the more responsible one and you've well, kinda fucked up big time? Isn't it?
6.) You're a talentless hack and exceedingly irritating.
7.) If I had a penis, I would totally fuck a baby into your pussy. If I had a strap-on I would try just as hard.
8.) I'm getting a fucking pizza!
9.) Smile a little more.
10.) I can't wait to see you again. Next time it'll be longer, I promise.
11.) I wish you weren't dead.
12.) Teach me. Teach me the ways of love.
Eleven things that you're proud of:
1.) My mom.
2.) My uncanny ability to detect a child in need of a sticker or a hand stamp.
3.) My getting off my ass and moving to Alaska (seriously, best thing I've ever done for myself)
4.) My little brother for doing all the things he's going to do to improve himself and make himself a happy, healthy man.
5.) Improving my eating habits.
6.) Going to the fucking gym again.
7.) Trying to get over my social anxiety.
8.) Getting that totally hot guy a library card the other day without melting into a puddle on the floor or otherwise acting like an idiot.
9.) That 15 months I busted my ass working full-time while also getting my master's degree.
10.) Recognizing the difference between quantity and quality in just about every aspect of my life.
11.) Overcoming my fear of dentists.
Ten things that scare you:
1. loud, unexpected noises.
2. conversations about religion.
3.
My mom dying.
4. my car finally shitting out on me.
5. Being in debt forever.
6. Not being able to have a baby.
7. What might happen after my mom dies.
8. Losing my job.
9. Flying ninja monkeys.
10. Religious fanatics.
Nine things about yourself:
1.) my hair is red
2.) I'm a square.
3.) I love me some food.
4.
) I am super cool despite being socially awkward.
5.) I like nothing more than a good book and a bottle of wine.
6.) I'm probably the coolest person you could ever know.
7.) I love to lay in the sun.
8.) I'm smokin' hot.
9.) I have an problem with a lot of little things.
Eight ways to win your heart:
1. Bring me food.
2. Listen to what I have to say.
3. Be kind to people.
4.
No, seriously. I'm starving...
5. Don't you dare say anything bad about my mother unless you have photographic evidence and at least three eyewitnesses.
6. Make me laugh even (and especially) when I'm feelin' blue.
7. Equally, laugh at my stupid jokes.
8. Ask me about something FUCKING interesting (this does not include Ultimate Fighting, NASCAR, MTV and a myriad of other lame-ass topics.
Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
1. I hope my mom knows I love her.
2.
I wish I got paid more.
3. I wonder if I should get a tattoo...
4. I can't wait for people to stop talking about this fucking election.
5. My ukulele.
6. Edward Gibbon.
7. Paying bills.
Six things you wish you never did:
1.
I
2.
Try
3.
Not
4) to
5) regret
6)Anything
Five turn offs:
1.) narrow-minded jerks.
2.) people who dwell on the past.
3.) that large percentage of the American public that can't find India on a map.
4.) the sound of someone smacking their lips when they eat.
5.) having to pee.
Four turn ons:
1.) Being able to share a comfortable silence.
2.) being able to show emotion appropriately.
3.) Being a fabulous lay.
4.) Being able to make and hold eye contact.
Three words/ideas that can describe your philosophy on life:
1: skeptical
2: humorous
3: loving
Two things you want to do before you die:
1.) I want to be instrumental in making people see libraries as extremely valuable. Soooo many people are in need of that kind of educatin'.
2.) I want to raise an incredible child.
One confession:
When all is said and done, I judge the relationships I have with other people not on the number of beers we have, not on the amount of time we spend together, but on the emotional bond we share, the support we give each other. Everything else is pretty useless.