ten years and cultivating
somethin weird is ... cultivating.
erynn came back months ago and tessa went back over the water (not that that is far)
matt's here to stay.
mark's back.
gavino lives over here.
i ran into/saw matt a few weeks back.
i keep imagining times that are long past.
saturn is due to hit me in the back of the head.
who's next? hannah, paul, chris, fred? (i guess paul is visiting this weekend, weird!)
i feel like a series finale is in the works.
i just hope that any spin offs succeed, cuz i hate when they turn out lame.
in high school i wanted to be an independent publisher...
maybe everything will end like that last episode of roseanne, and everything that has happened in the last ten years was just my fictional take on what's happened.
to try to adjust to the changes of growing up i would have created new characters to take the roles of ones that left, or maybe i just created new names to put on old faces to allow for anonymity. matt, tev, tiffany, and billy were all names and faces of a time i am no longer in touch with, so i created shad, jenny, amy, and aaron to fill in character's shoes.
though different people take dynamics of others, there are people i never replaced.
perhaps most notably krissy.
maybe to create a percieved darker mood i simply couldn't recreate that character, and i stayed away from that, though to be honest, my boss does have some similiarities as far as humour goes.
but what would have really happened to everyone i knew ten years ago?
understanding more of the adult world, contemplating how things could have progressed is interesting.
so how would reality have been to cause me to write what we've come to know?
peck woulda married much sooner, and have had at least a couple kids by now. having lost touch with her i didn't write her story as time went on.
pam woulda been married, but maybe that wouldn't have stuck, leading to her having a happier perception of single life. as the situation unveiled itself, however, things were unattractive, so i left out the storyline altogether to try to avoid telling something so personal.
'zach, well... he's lost now. maybe he wouldn't have been, but i can only imagine that leading to something tragic. maybe instead i wrote him to go to oregon as a means of making his situation sound more like a happy ending.
i don't see matt's story changing too much. he lost touch, became a compulsive partier, and went through ups and downs to find his way where he is today.
sevi stayed single, but with a child, and had the company of her gays. i wrote her in to have been married for a short while, wanting to grant her that happiness, but that deviated to far from reality, so instead she went through a seperation and still has a good friend.
krissy followed in her mother's footsteps moreso than she would have imagined, and though she woulda had a generically happy outlook on life, the dissolution of everything preceding between the group we had was something she would mentally revisit. instead i picked her up and moved her away from her home, mostly to give her a new place to look at, and a new future to build.
rachel's future was mostly untouched. she went to college and new what she was doing-being so different than the rest of us, she was difficult for me to write, so i had to let her character go. instead i introduced jessie, her younger sister, to take over the dynamic rachel had left. instead, i created in her a character to fill my own shoes several years ago as i felt myself lose touch with t_ev. much like rachel jessie was brilliant, and she was part of our lives, but not the same. she made strong decisions and ended up where she is now, just under mildly different circumstances.
though t_ev woulda fallen into old habits, she would, as she does, rebuild something much stronger. she never became a doctor, but still went into the medical field, instinctually picking up most of her expertise over learning it formally.
unable to bridge the divide after our break up, knowing the mistakes i had made and the subsequent actions, it was only most suitable i move both of us away from each other and our hometown.
the most unfair move i made was for billy. envious of his talents and where it got him, contrary to my own literary failures, i dismissed him altogether and in the most horrible way.
as for me, i wrote myself into a modest financial success to contrast my true nature and where i had gotten myself.
ten years out of school, incredibly modest income, and nothing to show for possesions, relationships, or even friendships, i wrote the world in an almost idealized fashion to completely counter all these areas i saw as failures.
maybe i wrote the world a better place for myself, and while i may have thought i was doing the best for others, my completely selfish form of writing instead molded a much different world.
just something to think about.
if the series is concluding soon, that is.
erynn came back months ago and tessa went back over the water (not that that is far)
matt's here to stay.
mark's back.
gavino lives over here.
i ran into/saw matt a few weeks back.
i keep imagining times that are long past.
saturn is due to hit me in the back of the head.
who's next? hannah, paul, chris, fred? (i guess paul is visiting this weekend, weird!)
i feel like a series finale is in the works.
i just hope that any spin offs succeed, cuz i hate when they turn out lame.
in high school i wanted to be an independent publisher...
maybe everything will end like that last episode of roseanne, and everything that has happened in the last ten years was just my fictional take on what's happened.
to try to adjust to the changes of growing up i would have created new characters to take the roles of ones that left, or maybe i just created new names to put on old faces to allow for anonymity. matt, tev, tiffany, and billy were all names and faces of a time i am no longer in touch with, so i created shad, jenny, amy, and aaron to fill in character's shoes.
though different people take dynamics of others, there are people i never replaced.
perhaps most notably krissy.
maybe to create a percieved darker mood i simply couldn't recreate that character, and i stayed away from that, though to be honest, my boss does have some similiarities as far as humour goes.
but what would have really happened to everyone i knew ten years ago?
understanding more of the adult world, contemplating how things could have progressed is interesting.
so how would reality have been to cause me to write what we've come to know?
peck woulda married much sooner, and have had at least a couple kids by now. having lost touch with her i didn't write her story as time went on.
pam woulda been married, but maybe that wouldn't have stuck, leading to her having a happier perception of single life. as the situation unveiled itself, however, things were unattractive, so i left out the storyline altogether to try to avoid telling something so personal.
'zach, well... he's lost now. maybe he wouldn't have been, but i can only imagine that leading to something tragic. maybe instead i wrote him to go to oregon as a means of making his situation sound more like a happy ending.
i don't see matt's story changing too much. he lost touch, became a compulsive partier, and went through ups and downs to find his way where he is today.
sevi stayed single, but with a child, and had the company of her gays. i wrote her in to have been married for a short while, wanting to grant her that happiness, but that deviated to far from reality, so instead she went through a seperation and still has a good friend.
krissy followed in her mother's footsteps moreso than she would have imagined, and though she woulda had a generically happy outlook on life, the dissolution of everything preceding between the group we had was something she would mentally revisit. instead i picked her up and moved her away from her home, mostly to give her a new place to look at, and a new future to build.
rachel's future was mostly untouched. she went to college and new what she was doing-being so different than the rest of us, she was difficult for me to write, so i had to let her character go. instead i introduced jessie, her younger sister, to take over the dynamic rachel had left. instead, i created in her a character to fill my own shoes several years ago as i felt myself lose touch with t_ev. much like rachel jessie was brilliant, and she was part of our lives, but not the same. she made strong decisions and ended up where she is now, just under mildly different circumstances.
though t_ev woulda fallen into old habits, she would, as she does, rebuild something much stronger. she never became a doctor, but still went into the medical field, instinctually picking up most of her expertise over learning it formally.
unable to bridge the divide after our break up, knowing the mistakes i had made and the subsequent actions, it was only most suitable i move both of us away from each other and our hometown.
the most unfair move i made was for billy. envious of his talents and where it got him, contrary to my own literary failures, i dismissed him altogether and in the most horrible way.
as for me, i wrote myself into a modest financial success to contrast my true nature and where i had gotten myself.
ten years out of school, incredibly modest income, and nothing to show for possesions, relationships, or even friendships, i wrote the world in an almost idealized fashion to completely counter all these areas i saw as failures.
maybe i wrote the world a better place for myself, and while i may have thought i was doing the best for others, my completely selfish form of writing instead molded a much different world.
just something to think about.
if the series is concluding soon, that is.