should i stand by him or move on?
Hi
My hubby is apparently depressed (again), he was last year, went to the docs and got medication but stopped taking them. In july last year he came home from work and told me he doesn't love me obviously i got upset and angry, massive row etc, he went to stay with his brother but coms to see me and the kids everday, took us out insisting i joined them.
Later in the year he said he did love me and we would take things slowly, he stayed over some nights pretty much got back to normal then boxing day started again saying he's tried but the feelings aren't there, yet to me his actions say different, i asked him to go back to the doctors but he says he doesn't want tablets and he's fine he just wants to be on his own at he moment,
anyway he is still down everday,kissing me hugging me but not staying over and is in the process of buying me a new car,
on saturday night he very unexpectedly tells me he loves me, i cried and got really angry with him for saying this, i feel he is playing with my emotions, i asked him why he said it and did he mean it, he said he doesn't know to both and tells me he just says the first things that come into his head,
should i have been calm when he said it? does he mean it, (as i mentioned his actions say he loves me) shall i just tell him to sod off,really confused folks,what do you think?
- furtled
to furtled
it sounds like he doesn't know what's going on either. have you ever had a fight or argument or went through a rough time - maybe more near the beginning - and you questioned your feelings towards him? then the next day, or even later that day, you got through the rough part and wondered why you would ever question your relationship?
maybe you haven't. some people do.
i would suggest, if not a doctor who gives medications, maybe some alternative healing places as well as one psychologist (no meds, just talking).
there are diets that help with moods as well as changing the way you see the world through therapy.
sit down and talk with your husband. explain how you feel - frustrated? overwhelmed? confused? explain without putting blame on him how his actions make you feel "when this happens, i feel that"
that you would like to try your best to make things work, at the same time it needs to be a joint effort. make some suggestions (therapy, alternative medicine, or whatever you can come up with) also ask him for some suggestions.
at the same time, make it clear that if he's not willing to try something, to work with you at all. if he's determined to leave things exactly as they are, then it's time to make a change on your end. make clear that you are not happy with the way things are and something needs to change.
whatever happens, play fair. also try to have discussions when the kids are not around, it's probably hard and consufing to them at the moment.
good luck