On Stranger Tides
After viewing “Pirates of the Caribbean - On Stranger Tides”, I have to say something I never thought I’d say about a Pirates movie: Meh.
I liked it just fine, don’t get me wrong. If you liked the other movies, I’d still suggest seeing it. I just felt it was lacking some of the fun and spectacle that made the other movies great. And, again, I felt like the 3D was wasted. (We only went to see it in 3D because we mis-timed our happy hour and didn’t want to wait for the next 2D showing.)
I like lists. Let’s make a list. It’ll be a pro/con sort of thing.
Pro - Captain Jack Sparrow remains Captain Jack Sparrow, and he remains Made of Awesome.
Con - I lost track of his motivation about halfway into the movie and it never became clear later. He seemed just to be along for the ride, and I like my Captain Jack a bit more scheme-y.
Pro - Blackbeard did not disappoint, right down to the smoldering brands in his beard. Also, I thought his rigging powers/magical sword powers were really well done.
Con - Why did he need to have zombie officers? What was the point of them, aside from the concern that this movie just needed some zombies?
Pro - Queen Anne’s Revenge was a very, very cool ship.
Con - A pirate movie that takes place 85% on land is hardly a pirate movie at all.
Pro - Oscar Jaenada as “The Spaniard”!
Con - That’s it!?! All that build-up of the Spanish Armada, and he shows up at the end to say he’s tearing it all down, then he vanishes? WASTE OF HOT SPANISHNESS.
Pro - Keith Richards as Captain Jack’s dad continues not to disappoint.
Con - No other cameos? No Will? No Elizabeth? Not even a glimpse of the funny pirate buddies or funny British Navy buddies?
Pro - I didn’t hate Penelope Cruz as Angelica.
Con - I kinda hated Angelica. Not just because she serves as a romantic interest for Captain Jack, but because she struck me as weak. Yes, she is capable of badassery, but in the end, she’s doing all of this because she wants a daddy, even if he’s a black-hearted bastard with no redeeming features.
Pro - Just thinking about the pissed-off Undead Monkey!Jack trapped in the bottle makes me laugh.
Con - It seems unlikely to me that Gibbs would really have been able to sneak about the Queen Anne’s Revenge and steal all those ships, and they don’t explain how he pulled it off to my satisfaction.
Pro - Barbossa’s return to piracy at the end was a Crowning Moment of Awesome. Remember when he was a bad guy?
Con - What the hell happened to Phillip the missionary? He was dying, and Sylena said she could save him. But…how? We never hear anything about mermaids having healing powers. For all we know, she was feeding him a line of bull and she was snacking on his nummy corpse minutes after the movie ended.
So…some good, some bad. I’ll probably have to go see it again with different friends, and we’ll see if my opinion changes.