Is a lost cause worth fighting for????
Tonight had the potential to be an awesome night, yet something went wrong and I came to a harsh reality. Hanging out with my usual group of amazing friends is always a great time and it was awesome tonight. We pre-gamed at my buddy Marty's apartment and went Saki bombing before going to the annual Spring Fling carnival. Let me tell ya, my roommate is an absolutely amazing kid and has turned out to be the true best friend that I haven't had in a really long time. The type of friend to talk to about issues going on in your life without having the need to gossip about it to everybody else. With that being said, tonight was probably the best opportunity I've had in a while to take the girl I've really liked out and put whatever we have going to the test. Long story short, it's a lost cause. I thought she was different, I honestly thought she was but I guess I was wrong and every girl is pretty much the same...there are very few exceptions. It seems to be a trend that girls love the attention of having two guys after them at the same time. It takes a lot of nerve to ask a girl out and even more if she says yes to do something about it. I'm not about to let some cocky guy come in and finish up the ground work that I have laid this time. Not this time! Each time this happens I get a little smarter and learn more. I got to thinking that maybe it was me...maybe I have a glaring defect that just seems to turn away anyone special in my life. But no, here's what I realized. You know the statement everybody says that "nice guys finish last", it's totally true but I think there's a new meaning to it now. I am not going to fight for something that isn't there and this time I'm going to be mature and realize that it's not before it's too late. I don't need to compete with anyone because I don't have the need to one-up the other guys because somebody who truly felt the same way for me wouldn't have to make me compete. Who am I kidding, I will always be the nice guy and will never have the guts to take advantage of a girl one night and treat her like shit and go to bed feeling that I have SCORED only to wake up in the morning to brag to all of my friends about it! Realizing this, I have a choice to make. How far do I go to fight for the one thing that everyone wants most? Why should I even give in to these stupid games because the one girl out there...I hope you're reading this because I am not going to change my ways to be something that I am not. I may not have the answer to everything and I'm far from perfect, but I hope that you will never forget me. I just pray that there is somebody out there that will look at me for who I am and not give up too soon without giving me the chance to realize my full potential. As far as the lost causes go, I seem to have a trend of finding myself in these situations. Honestly, is it worth it? It's like going for a hard run and that last mile your body is telling you to quit because you're tired, but you somehow push through. I don't want to walk across the finish line anymore, I will run across with lungs to spare! To be honest with you...the fun factor is not there anymore and from this standpoint alone I want to throw in the towel. I am going to sleep on it and find out what I think in the morning. I honestly hope that she is doing the same thing right now and is making a decision because I'm not going to be sloppy seconds anymore and I'm not about to be treated like shit...been there done that! To sum it all up, tonight was one of those situations where I honestly did everything in my power to make it happen, but nothing happened back. Disappointing. Sure. Losing faith that there is somebody out there that will see me for who I am...NEVER. At this point, if she wants to pursue things with me...the ball is in her court...and if not, then it was another lost cause not worth fighting for. I just pray that someday I'll meet a girl that has the decency to tell it straight to my face without having to go through all of these hoops. Lord, please guide me through this time of uncertainty and tell me if this is a lost cause worth fighting for. There's still hope that things will go my way one of these days. Someday. Someone. Somehow, life will find a way.