(no subject)
There is a wall in front of me right now. It feels like my breathing. In and out, stable, but permeable. I've been frustrated with my husband tonight and have not opened the space to understand why. I've been feeling a strong need to check-out lately, to not care well for myself. I don't really understand this. My husband doesn't like it. Who would? But I'm not looking for him to fix it. I don't feel helpless or needy. I wouldn't call it depression. I'm still productive in my day, but not half as productive as I can be and what activities I do few of them are for my physical, emotional or mental benefit.
I've grown quickly in this last week. Suddenly people think I'm huge, and in relation to last week I am. I'm pretty certain I've gained close to 4 pounds in the past week or two. I know they say that can happen and I likely won't gain much at all for the next few weeks, but still it's disconcerting. It doesn't help that I have an eccentric scale - I'll "gain" two pounds in one day and by the following morning I'll have "lost" six. Yet it must be somewhere in the ballpark and it's putting me at a hefty 20-some? pounds over my starting weight.
The books talk about getting bored with being pregnant somewhere around this time. I don't feel like I'm bored with it, or at least I didn't think I would get bored. I still love the feeling of my baby moving inside me, but I keep gaining weight and getting bigger. Baby's moving differently now and this is taking some getting use to. It doesn't kick as much or as strong, instead it seams to just move or roll in smaller movements and I feel it in new parts of my body.
I've grown quickly in this last week. Suddenly people think I'm huge, and in relation to last week I am. I'm pretty certain I've gained close to 4 pounds in the past week or two. I know they say that can happen and I likely won't gain much at all for the next few weeks, but still it's disconcerting. It doesn't help that I have an eccentric scale - I'll "gain" two pounds in one day and by the following morning I'll have "lost" six. Yet it must be somewhere in the ballpark and it's putting me at a hefty 20-some? pounds over my starting weight.
The books talk about getting bored with being pregnant somewhere around this time. I don't feel like I'm bored with it, or at least I didn't think I would get bored. I still love the feeling of my baby moving inside me, but I keep gaining weight and getting bigger. Baby's moving differently now and this is taking some getting use to. It doesn't kick as much or as strong, instead it seams to just move or roll in smaller movements and I feel it in new parts of my body.