Ewww...sorry you had to deal with this! That's fucked up and I totes feel your pain. You definitely are not crazy, this shit is scary and real. And sounds eerily close to an experience I had on the train once where dude followed me the same way (except it was preceded by him taking his dick out and masturbating toward me on the train). I remember thinking at first too that maybe the guy was queer (which like you said, still possible cuz it doesn't make a difference). Either way, I thought this person "looked" harmless enough. Or maybe I wasn't being targeted, it's all in my head, etc...I hate that the onus is on us to read every single facial cue and basically become on-the-spot psychological profilers to figure out if a man is threatening, socially awkward, or just "flirty." For the past few years I've been using techniques I learned through an anti-street harassment squad we had in DC. Being able to just firmly (not politely, apologetically, etc...) let someone know to stop harassing me and stop disrespecting me, I'm not giving you
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"it was preceded by him taking his dick out and masturbating toward me on the train"
UGH! I shouldn't be, but I'm always surprised by how many men expose themselves to women on the train.
"I thought this person "looked" harmless enough."
"become on-the-spot psychological profilers to figure out if a man is threatening, socially awkward, or just "flirty."
Yes, yes. I had ALL of that run through my mind.
"I'm not giving you my name, I'm not smiling, etc"You know, these are such great points. And one thing I always tried to tell the girl (at GEMS) was to watch how they responded to men. When I was out with them, *I* could tell they were uninterested, but their responses and body language told a different story. I could see that they looked uncomfortable and bothered, but to men I'm sure they looked "shy." And they just spelled out vulnerability in other ways. And though I'm not mad at myself for how I reacted, I did smile and (obviously) gave my name. Which I get is part of that "just let them down nicely" bs. So I'm really really
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But that's the really fucked up part. We *should* be able to greet a stranger politely without worrying that it shows vulnerability or slaps a victim sign on our heads to a potential harasser. And it's also such a radical shift for women and girls to learn to say no. No wonder most of us have trouble navigating this shit. I feel like my built-in response often is to just walk around mean-muggin' the world like don't bother me, don't even look at me, I got my armor on, I dare you to say some shit. The other extreme of course is trying to blend into the background as much as possible to the point of actively avoiding people in public, hiding under clothes, etc...Neither is any way to live.
No, you're not crazy. It's better to be safe than sorry, never doubt your instincts about people.
It reminds me of this guy that started talking to me once on the train - before I realized we took the same train, same car every day. Then he'd go out of his way to talk to me, even if I tried to ignore him. Then he made the mistake of telling me I had nice legs, which thoroughly grossed me out. I started getting on the car behind him, then if he'd see me, he'd come through the doors. He was more idiotic than creepy b/c he knew I was happily married. Luckily once I got on with Derek and he saw us and I pointed (as obviously as I could) and my husband started going over - dude was off the train like a rocket.
Although I have been touched inappropriately by strangers, grabbed once - and it's really the worst feeling in the world. This was before hollaback, I'm hoping I never have to go there.
Stay safe. Sounds like you have a wonderful man too.
Jon said the same thing! lol I mean, he asked me if I had any. I always hear that any weapon (or weapon like item, I guess) you carry will more than likely be used against you in a struggle. But I do kinda want to get some pepper spray.... Maybe...
You're right, weapons could be used against you but they also give you an opportunity to fight back should you have to. Mace is especially good cause you can use it from a distance. lol
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This made me laugh. I just imagined some dude standing next to you cheesin' like the Enzyte man.
At this point I thought he was just one of those "friendly" people that talks to everybody.
This made me laugh a little too just because quote friendly. People seem so closed off in NY I can see why this would seem to stand out.
All that aside, this fool was just creepy
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UGH! I shouldn't be, but I'm always surprised by how many men expose themselves to women on the train.
"I thought this person "looked" harmless enough."
"become on-the-spot psychological profilers to figure out if a man is threatening, socially awkward, or just "flirty."
Yes, yes. I had ALL of that run through my mind.
"I'm not giving you my name, I'm not smiling, etc"You know, these are such great points. And one thing I always tried to tell the girl (at GEMS) was to watch how they responded to men. When I was out with them, *I* could tell they were uninterested, but their responses and body language told a different story. I could see that they looked uncomfortable and bothered, but to men I'm sure they looked "shy." And they just spelled out vulnerability in other ways. And though I'm not mad at myself for how I reacted, I did smile and (obviously) gave my name. Which I get is part of that "just let them down nicely" bs. So I'm really really ( ... )
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owe men?? the fuck?! i keep tellin' you to inVITE me when you roll these blunts..
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Damn crazies!
Is Eb shacking up and am I so far out of the loop? :p
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Thanks!
"Is Eb shacking up and am I so far out of the loop? :p"
Haha, nah. He stayed for 2 weeks. We both survived and didn't murder the other person. So that's always good. lol
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It reminds me of this guy that started talking to me once on the train - before I realized we took the same train, same car every day. Then he'd go out of his way to talk to me, even if I tried to ignore him. Then he made the mistake of telling me I had nice legs, which thoroughly grossed me out. I started getting on the car behind him, then if he'd see me, he'd come through the doors. He was more idiotic than creepy b/c he knew I was happily married. Luckily once I got on with Derek and he saw us and I pointed (as obviously as I could) and my husband started going over - dude was off the train like a rocket.
Although I have been touched inappropriately by strangers, grabbed once - and it's really the worst feeling in the world. This was before hollaback, I'm hoping I never have to go there.
Stay safe. Sounds like you have a wonderful man too.
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