Self-Love
So I figured I'd try to have a frank, open, MATURE *ahem!* discussion about masturbation. Specifically (more on) why I wanted to do this "experiment" and some religious aspects that I happened upon on the internets.
Masturbation, like all over things related to sex, was just not spoken about in my home. I began exploring it when I found my sister's boyfriend's (who lived with us for a while) videos and magazines. Whenever I was left alone (which was pretty rare, my parents were over protective for most of my youth) I'd sneak away and find the tapes and explore myself.
I remember one time I messed with the magazines when everyone was home. No idea why I did something that foolish. I was asking to get caught. And maybe I did want to get caught. Because I recall both lamenting and longing for "the talk" that never came. My parents never discussed sex with me. The closest I came to a sex talk was my mother saying "if you get pregnant, let me know" at about age 13.She circumvented talking about actual sex and after hearing that the 100th time (considering I wasn't having sex, and she never asked me if I was active) I was just annoyed and no longer wanted to discuss it with her.
So I got caught. I don't remember what I did. I think I moved them in such a way that it was clear someone had tampered with them. And it was clear that someone was me. Someone, either my sister or her boyfriend or both of them called my name. As I slowly walked to the bedroom I had all kinds of thoughts swimming around
"Is it about the magazines?? Nah, I put them back right. And how could they tell *I* moved them anyway? And why are they even in this house? I bet you she'll [my sister] be mad at him too for even having them here." I don't remember the details, but I do remember being chastised for looking at them. Part of it was painted as "respecting people's property and minding your business" and part of it was painted as "little girls don't look at this. it's nasty." So it's ok for a man to look at it and have it in the apt for a little girl to find and look at, but not ok for the little girl to look.
I got so many odd and conflicting lessons about sex in the home. The most glaring lessons were "we don't want you thinking about it" and "we don't want to talk about it."
This has prompted a lot of my thoughts and behaviors about sex and life in general. Having things hidden in plain sight from me as a kid are why I am so adamant about directness and honesty and speaking to truth. As I got older the way my family dealt with things became more and more frustration and intolerable so I became the opposite. It's why discussing sex is second nature to me. Despite that I still feel like there are plenty of things I hold close. I'm shocked when others are shocked by my directness, partly because I feel like I'm still holding back a lot. I wonder how people would react if I were to really say everything with no filter.
And I think shame is important in discussing this because I was raised to feel ashamed of sex, sexual curiosity/questions and sexual inclinations. I've shed a lot of that. I still get shocked when people my age or older cringe when I use the words penis or masturbation. And I struggle to remember that masturbation and other aspects of sexuality are shameful for others. Beyond all of this I don't want my (hypothetical) children, my daughters in particular, to have to deal with that. Or at least I want to minimize it. I can't control all they will see outside of the home, but I want to try my best to make them feel like they can talk to me about anything and ask me anything about sex (or any other subject). I don't want to catch them masturbating and make them feel ashamed or catch them "playing" with their friends and make them feel like the urges they have are unnatural. And I refuse to not educate them on something because it might make me feel uncomfortable to talk to them about it.
So... some of you may remember the "ex-hypocrite/ex-homosexual/ex-fornicator" etc shirts. Well, I stumbled across the "testimony" of an ex-masturbator. *sigh*
This was funny to me before I actually watched the clip. Well funny and sad, but definitely funny. Then I watched it and it became frustrating.
I'm struggling with this a bit because despite not being a believer anymore I do want to respect other people's beliefs and I recognize that religion can be a positive experience for others. Still some of the mess she is saying is crazy and outright lies.
First of all, a four-year-old child does not have to have been abused to know how to masturbate. (!!!!!!!!!!!!) Does one have to be abused to know how to have sex? These false assumptions about purity lead people to believe that children have no sexual inclination nor sexual instincts. But the species would have died out long ago if we didn't have these impulses and act on them (I blurred the lines between sex and masturbation more than I'd normally like, but I think you get the point) The fact that she honestly believes that says so much about how little she knows about human sexual development and behavior. Which further shows why she shouldn't be talkin about the shit!!
Second, the whole masturbation and pornography go hand in hand thing made me want to throw things. Obviously there is a relationship there, but what I got from her statement was that one made the other necessary, as if one cannot masturbate without porn being included. Umm, no, witch.
Third, she refers to her orgasm as a "high." Now I get that she feels the behavior is problematic and an addiction (even if I find the reasoning immature and silly), but where does the line get drawn for something like that? Is an orgasm only a high if you're masturbating? Or is it a high anytime? If that's the case, would you consider it a high when you're married and having sex?
This link provides some interesting arguments for masturbation in relationship to Xtianity.
There was a fourth, but I forgot it. lol I guess I can dig if someone just doesn't want to do it for whatever reasons: religious, personal, etc. But when that reason is ill-informed it might as well be based in nothing.
And then there's this video, which I thought was kind of interesting.
Masturbation, like all over things related to sex, was just not spoken about in my home. I began exploring it when I found my sister's boyfriend's (who lived with us for a while) videos and magazines. Whenever I was left alone (which was pretty rare, my parents were over protective for most of my youth) I'd sneak away and find the tapes and explore myself.
I remember one time I messed with the magazines when everyone was home. No idea why I did something that foolish. I was asking to get caught. And maybe I did want to get caught. Because I recall both lamenting and longing for "the talk" that never came. My parents never discussed sex with me. The closest I came to a sex talk was my mother saying "if you get pregnant, let me know" at about age 13.She circumvented talking about actual sex and after hearing that the 100th time (considering I wasn't having sex, and she never asked me if I was active) I was just annoyed and no longer wanted to discuss it with her.
So I got caught. I don't remember what I did. I think I moved them in such a way that it was clear someone had tampered with them. And it was clear that someone was me. Someone, either my sister or her boyfriend or both of them called my name. As I slowly walked to the bedroom I had all kinds of thoughts swimming around
"Is it about the magazines?? Nah, I put them back right. And how could they tell *I* moved them anyway? And why are they even in this house? I bet you she'll [my sister] be mad at him too for even having them here." I don't remember the details, but I do remember being chastised for looking at them. Part of it was painted as "respecting people's property and minding your business" and part of it was painted as "little girls don't look at this. it's nasty." So it's ok for a man to look at it and have it in the apt for a little girl to find and look at, but not ok for the little girl to look.
I got so many odd and conflicting lessons about sex in the home. The most glaring lessons were "we don't want you thinking about it" and "we don't want to talk about it."
This has prompted a lot of my thoughts and behaviors about sex and life in general. Having things hidden in plain sight from me as a kid are why I am so adamant about directness and honesty and speaking to truth. As I got older the way my family dealt with things became more and more frustration and intolerable so I became the opposite. It's why discussing sex is second nature to me. Despite that I still feel like there are plenty of things I hold close. I'm shocked when others are shocked by my directness, partly because I feel like I'm still holding back a lot. I wonder how people would react if I were to really say everything with no filter.
And I think shame is important in discussing this because I was raised to feel ashamed of sex, sexual curiosity/questions and sexual inclinations. I've shed a lot of that. I still get shocked when people my age or older cringe when I use the words penis or masturbation. And I struggle to remember that masturbation and other aspects of sexuality are shameful for others. Beyond all of this I don't want my (hypothetical) children, my daughters in particular, to have to deal with that. Or at least I want to minimize it. I can't control all they will see outside of the home, but I want to try my best to make them feel like they can talk to me about anything and ask me anything about sex (or any other subject). I don't want to catch them masturbating and make them feel ashamed or catch them "playing" with their friends and make them feel like the urges they have are unnatural. And I refuse to not educate them on something because it might make me feel uncomfortable to talk to them about it.
So... some of you may remember the "ex-hypocrite/ex-homosexual/ex-fornicator" etc shirts. Well, I stumbled across the "testimony" of an ex-masturbator. *sigh*
This was funny to me before I actually watched the clip. Well funny and sad, but definitely funny. Then I watched it and it became frustrating.
I'm struggling with this a bit because despite not being a believer anymore I do want to respect other people's beliefs and I recognize that religion can be a positive experience for others. Still some of the mess she is saying is crazy and outright lies.
First of all, a four-year-old child does not have to have been abused to know how to masturbate. (!!!!!!!!!!!!) Does one have to be abused to know how to have sex? These false assumptions about purity lead people to believe that children have no sexual inclination nor sexual instincts. But the species would have died out long ago if we didn't have these impulses and act on them (I blurred the lines between sex and masturbation more than I'd normally like, but I think you get the point) The fact that she honestly believes that says so much about how little she knows about human sexual development and behavior. Which further shows why she shouldn't be talkin about the shit!!
Second, the whole masturbation and pornography go hand in hand thing made me want to throw things. Obviously there is a relationship there, but what I got from her statement was that one made the other necessary, as if one cannot masturbate without porn being included. Umm, no, witch.
Third, she refers to her orgasm as a "high." Now I get that she feels the behavior is problematic and an addiction (even if I find the reasoning immature and silly), but where does the line get drawn for something like that? Is an orgasm only a high if you're masturbating? Or is it a high anytime? If that's the case, would you consider it a high when you're married and having sex?
This link provides some interesting arguments for masturbation in relationship to Xtianity.
There was a fourth, but I forgot it. lol I guess I can dig if someone just doesn't want to do it for whatever reasons: religious, personal, etc. But when that reason is ill-informed it might as well be based in nothing.
And then there's this video, which I thought was kind of interesting.