Be good
So SuperNanny has become my "reality tv" fix of choice (which is an upgrade from my previous Flavor of Love obsession). I know nothing in this world wants to acknowledge the experiences of Black folks, particularly young, poor, Black women, but I would really like to see at least one episode that catered to a family where the head of household was a single Black woman. Not because I have the ignorant belief that she wouldn't be able to handle Black kids as if Black kids are so hardcore. =/ But I do feel the general issues that prevent healthy parenting for single Black women tend to be different than the issues that affect the families I see on the show. I would think they'd bring in a different family if only for a change of pace.
Generally these are the issues I see on the show:
1. Splitting (i.e. Mommy says no, so I'm gonna ask Daddy and see if he says yes) or inconsistency between parents.
2. General inconsistencies within the overall parental "structure" (being firm one day then wavering the next day/hour/minute for the same concern)
3. Allowing kids' emotions to dictate parenting choices (kid throws a temper tantrum and gets their way) And what in the fuckity fuck fuck is that shit??? This is like a hot button thing for me. If you can't say no to a three year old and remain firm on that, just quit life. Srsly.
4. All parenting falls to one parent
5. Babying of older kids (Four year olds still drinking from bottles)
There are other issues, but these pop up in pretty much every episode. And I am not arguing that Black mothers (and fathers) don't have these issues, but I have seen other concerns that have not been addressed on the show. Such as...
1. Strong reactions to minor infractions
2 Minor reactions to serious infractions
3. Public humiliation of both parent and child [this isn't quite what is done by the parent, but what I've seen done to TO the parent and child and I've seen how that affects the parents' ability to self-monitor and affects their decisions in public]
I believe that mothers in general are under attack, but Black mothers are particularly under attack because their children are viewed as monsters-in-waiting if they make the slightest noise or appear rambunctious. Even if that behavior is developmentally normal for their age. The looks people give Black mothers and their children both when the child acts out and when the mother reacts to the child all say that the child is burdensome and the mother is a tyrant. And people will turn sharply from finding the child annoying/monstrous/demonic to calling themselves the child's savior in order to find fault in SOME way. We are to feel concern and understanding for the poor White mother who struggles with an unruly two year old and gives him everything he wants because she feels guilty for working 50 hours per week. But we are to feel horror and disgust for the Black mother who shouts at her son when he is being unruly as a reaction to others on the bus pseudo-whispering about that loud kid in the back. Both are doing it wrong, but both have the potential to get it right.
This isn't so much about the show. Because I'm sure it goes both ways and single Black mothers are uninterested in going on a show like that to publicly say they need help. I guess this is more about my general concern with how mothers (both as a whole and specifically single Black mothers) are viewed.
Generally these are the issues I see on the show:
1. Splitting (i.e. Mommy says no, so I'm gonna ask Daddy and see if he says yes) or inconsistency between parents.
2. General inconsistencies within the overall parental "structure" (being firm one day then wavering the next day/hour/minute for the same concern)
3. Allowing kids' emotions to dictate parenting choices (kid throws a temper tantrum and gets their way) And what in the fuckity fuck fuck is that shit??? This is like a hot button thing for me. If you can't say no to a three year old and remain firm on that, just quit life. Srsly.
4. All parenting falls to one parent
5. Babying of older kids (Four year olds still drinking from bottles)
There are other issues, but these pop up in pretty much every episode. And I am not arguing that Black mothers (and fathers) don't have these issues, but I have seen other concerns that have not been addressed on the show. Such as...
1. Strong reactions to minor infractions
2 Minor reactions to serious infractions
3. Public humiliation of both parent and child [this isn't quite what is done by the parent, but what I've seen done to TO the parent and child and I've seen how that affects the parents' ability to self-monitor and affects their decisions in public]
I believe that mothers in general are under attack, but Black mothers are particularly under attack because their children are viewed as monsters-in-waiting if they make the slightest noise or appear rambunctious. Even if that behavior is developmentally normal for their age. The looks people give Black mothers and their children both when the child acts out and when the mother reacts to the child all say that the child is burdensome and the mother is a tyrant. And people will turn sharply from finding the child annoying/monstrous/demonic to calling themselves the child's savior in order to find fault in SOME way. We are to feel concern and understanding for the poor White mother who struggles with an unruly two year old and gives him everything he wants because she feels guilty for working 50 hours per week. But we are to feel horror and disgust for the Black mother who shouts at her son when he is being unruly as a reaction to others on the bus pseudo-whispering about that loud kid in the back. Both are doing it wrong, but both have the potential to get it right.
This isn't so much about the show. Because I'm sure it goes both ways and single Black mothers are uninterested in going on a show like that to publicly say they need help. I guess this is more about my general concern with how mothers (both as a whole and specifically single Black mothers) are viewed.