Game, Recognize game
So I think one of the things I'm most looking forward to in parenthood is teaching my daughter(s) how to spot game. It would be much more fun teaching it to my girls, if they weren't so invested in the assholes giving them the game. So here's a list of some of the game I've seen so far. Please add on, if you can.
"I love you." Pretty straightforward. Man claims to love woman to keep her connected. Always sure to dangle the potential loss of "love" in her face to get what he wants from her.
"I'm a changed man because of you/your love." "I used to be a player, but you changed me girl! I ain't like that no more!" "No more rollin with an entourage and spendin' C's at tha ta-ta bars!" I love the idea that one person can will another to change, as if change doesn't come from within.
"I'm trying to change, but I need your help." The evil cousin of the one above. Even more insidious (to me) because it has a hint of truth to it. Acknowledging that his actions don't reflect the actions of someone who has changed while still dangling the carrot of potential change and giving her reason to feel as though she is the catalyst for said change. Again, people change for themselves.
"What do you mean "am I cheatin?" Are YOU cheatin?" hahaha Weak.
"I would spend more time with you, but I'm busy doing blahblahblah" Sure, people can be busy. But I don't care how busy you are. You make time for those that matter. You make time for the events that matter to you.
"You're hurting my feelings." This one seemed new to me. One of the girls/staff said her man said that and I found it extra corny. He was basically trynna escape culpability in something. It was minor, yes. It was solvable, yes. But it was game used to divert attention from himself and what he did. Weak. Maybe he's pulling some "sensitive brotha" game on her in general? I dunno. I just know THAT shit was weak.
The first and last aren't inherently game, but they seem to get used more often for game than not.
Two of my faves courtesy of Jay-Z.
"I was just fuckin them girls. I was gon' get right back." Oh well, if you were just fuckin them, then that's fine. o.0
"I know the difference between a bitch and a B." Oh, word?
And while pimps are on the extreme of the spectrum, the things they say and tactics they use aren't that extraordinary. Especially since they often begin by pretending to be the bf of the girls. And they prey on vulnerable, insecure girls and young women.
They look for signs of weakness in posture and walk.
They make compliments and watch for reactions.
They make empty promises.
They lie often.
Typical stuff. And I know the best weapon against all of this is self-esteem development, but I think teaching my kids about game can't hurt either.
It's funny. I guess the root of all the bullshit is convincing someone that they are important to you. And that makes sense because everyone wants to feel important, particularly those that have been led to believe that they are not important to even the people that should by nature feel as though they are important. This came to me while reading the replies to yesterday's Question of the Day in blackfolk. It was interesting to see how many people had abandonment issues. That along with some conversations I've been having with a psych PhD have me thinking that a lot of these dogging men have abandonment issues too.
It just seems to be such a prevalent thing. Everyone fearing being alone, being left alone. Though it manifests itself in different ways it still seems to come from the same idea. 'I'm scared you're gonna leave me so I'm gonna throw myself into you and do everything in my power to not "lose" you' (I keep trying to tell my girls that "losing" some of these dudes ain't really a loss at all, but I do understand the idea of "I have invested time and effort into you and want to see some results from my investment." and that not seeing results would feel like a "loss"). But there's also 'I'm scared you're gonna leave me so I'm not gonna get fully invested.' That's always been clear to me as abandonment issues. But 'I'm scared you're gonna leave me so I'm gonna manipulate and control you because I don't know how to handle love and feel this is the only way to maintain it.' That one I always connected to control issues, not abandonment issues. But it could be both.
Karnythia once asked this in her journal and I was a bit surprised by the answers. Poll time! Please explain your answers in a comment.
Poll Would you date someone like yourself?
*Theraflu time*
"I love you." Pretty straightforward. Man claims to love woman to keep her connected. Always sure to dangle the potential loss of "love" in her face to get what he wants from her.
"I'm a changed man because of you/your love." "I used to be a player, but you changed me girl! I ain't like that no more!" "No more rollin with an entourage and spendin' C's at tha ta-ta bars!" I love the idea that one person can will another to change, as if change doesn't come from within.
"I'm trying to change, but I need your help." The evil cousin of the one above. Even more insidious (to me) because it has a hint of truth to it. Acknowledging that his actions don't reflect the actions of someone who has changed while still dangling the carrot of potential change and giving her reason to feel as though she is the catalyst for said change. Again, people change for themselves.
"What do you mean "am I cheatin?" Are YOU cheatin?" hahaha Weak.
"I would spend more time with you, but I'm busy doing blahblahblah" Sure, people can be busy. But I don't care how busy you are. You make time for those that matter. You make time for the events that matter to you.
"You're hurting my feelings." This one seemed new to me. One of the girls/staff said her man said that and I found it extra corny. He was basically trynna escape culpability in something. It was minor, yes. It was solvable, yes. But it was game used to divert attention from himself and what he did. Weak. Maybe he's pulling some "sensitive brotha" game on her in general? I dunno. I just know THAT shit was weak.
The first and last aren't inherently game, but they seem to get used more often for game than not.
Two of my faves courtesy of Jay-Z.
"I was just fuckin them girls. I was gon' get right back." Oh well, if you were just fuckin them, then that's fine. o.0
"I know the difference between a bitch and a B." Oh, word?
And while pimps are on the extreme of the spectrum, the things they say and tactics they use aren't that extraordinary. Especially since they often begin by pretending to be the bf of the girls. And they prey on vulnerable, insecure girls and young women.
They look for signs of weakness in posture and walk.
They make compliments and watch for reactions.
They make empty promises.
They lie often.
Typical stuff. And I know the best weapon against all of this is self-esteem development, but I think teaching my kids about game can't hurt either.
It's funny. I guess the root of all the bullshit is convincing someone that they are important to you. And that makes sense because everyone wants to feel important, particularly those that have been led to believe that they are not important to even the people that should by nature feel as though they are important. This came to me while reading the replies to yesterday's Question of the Day in blackfolk. It was interesting to see how many people had abandonment issues. That along with some conversations I've been having with a psych PhD have me thinking that a lot of these dogging men have abandonment issues too.
It just seems to be such a prevalent thing. Everyone fearing being alone, being left alone. Though it manifests itself in different ways it still seems to come from the same idea. 'I'm scared you're gonna leave me so I'm gonna throw myself into you and do everything in my power to not "lose" you' (I keep trying to tell my girls that "losing" some of these dudes ain't really a loss at all, but I do understand the idea of "I have invested time and effort into you and want to see some results from my investment." and that not seeing results would feel like a "loss"). But there's also 'I'm scared you're gonna leave me so I'm not gonna get fully invested.' That's always been clear to me as abandonment issues. But 'I'm scared you're gonna leave me so I'm gonna manipulate and control you because I don't know how to handle love and feel this is the only way to maintain it.' That one I always connected to control issues, not abandonment issues. But it could be both.
Karnythia once asked this in her journal and I was a bit surprised by the answers. Poll time! Please explain your answers in a comment.
Poll Would you date someone like yourself?
*Theraflu time*