Let's try this again, shall we?
So...I went ahead and deleted all of my posts. Every last one of them.
An explanation, methinks, would be helpful. I don't keep this as a journal, as most people think of one. I dislike journals, because I don't like who I have been, or particularly much who I am, and I work every day to change the parts of myself that I dislike. I don't like reminders of what I've come from. Too frequently I found myself reading and re-reading my old posts, especially those dealing with..well, you know. So, to stop that from happening again, because it was keeping me from progressing, I simply removed them. The rest went because I want to, at least symbolically, start over.
Doing this has already helped quite a bit - I've started a trend of actually eating healthily and of working out, something I haven't done regularly in quite some time. I'm re-learning my old drills and exercises...it's time to lose all this extra weight and get back down to what I was in highschool, and then down to what I should be. And it's gonna take a looooong time...but I'm going to stick it through this time. Maybe, in the next days and weeks, I'll even start up on the piano again.
And, the last thing that I posted before I deleted the account, reinstated it, and deleted all the archives, was a story that I started writing a couple of days ago. It's a horrible, rancid pile of garbage. It's also just what, I think, I need. I'm going to re-type and re-post it, and I'm going to dig it out of my trash can and re-write it exactly as is...and I'm going to keep going until I can get it to a point at which I can stop it for a while. And then I'm going to go back to the beginning of it, and rework it. And then continue it until I can get to another spot at which I can stop...and do it again. And continue that trend, until something comes from it that is at least readable. And, unfortunately for people who suffer themselves to read my journal, I'm going to keep it on here, in each of it's stages of existence.
And all this self-improvement crap, and this change in my attitude? I attribute it to two main things (other than an extra-emo conversation last night...): Naruto - which I've started watching on alluc.org, and the Chow-mein Ramen bowl I just ate. Kind of weird..but it's not the first time anime has sparked me to improve myself. First for the food, though. That part was kind of a realization that "Hey! This stuff is tasty! And it's actually pretty good for me...and filling...and there isn't really all that much there. Hmmm...Oh shit, I eat a LOT of garbage!"
Anyway, that's it for right now. I gotta get back to Naruto.
An explanation, methinks, would be helpful. I don't keep this as a journal, as most people think of one. I dislike journals, because I don't like who I have been, or particularly much who I am, and I work every day to change the parts of myself that I dislike. I don't like reminders of what I've come from. Too frequently I found myself reading and re-reading my old posts, especially those dealing with..well, you know. So, to stop that from happening again, because it was keeping me from progressing, I simply removed them. The rest went because I want to, at least symbolically, start over.
Doing this has already helped quite a bit - I've started a trend of actually eating healthily and of working out, something I haven't done regularly in quite some time. I'm re-learning my old drills and exercises...it's time to lose all this extra weight and get back down to what I was in highschool, and then down to what I should be. And it's gonna take a looooong time...but I'm going to stick it through this time. Maybe, in the next days and weeks, I'll even start up on the piano again.
And, the last thing that I posted before I deleted the account, reinstated it, and deleted all the archives, was a story that I started writing a couple of days ago. It's a horrible, rancid pile of garbage. It's also just what, I think, I need. I'm going to re-type and re-post it, and I'm going to dig it out of my trash can and re-write it exactly as is...and I'm going to keep going until I can get it to a point at which I can stop it for a while. And then I'm going to go back to the beginning of it, and rework it. And then continue it until I can get to another spot at which I can stop...and do it again. And continue that trend, until something comes from it that is at least readable. And, unfortunately for people who suffer themselves to read my journal, I'm going to keep it on here, in each of it's stages of existence.
And all this self-improvement crap, and this change in my attitude? I attribute it to two main things (other than an extra-emo conversation last night...): Naruto - which I've started watching on alluc.org, and the Chow-mein Ramen bowl I just ate. Kind of weird..but it's not the first time anime has sparked me to improve myself. First for the food, though. That part was kind of a realization that "Hey! This stuff is tasty! And it's actually pretty good for me...and filling...and there isn't really all that much there. Hmmm...Oh shit, I eat a LOT of garbage!"
Anyway, that's it for right now. I gotta get back to Naruto.