Life is a fucking joke
Same shit..every day. it gets me so depressed. Everyones trying to tell me that things are worse than they really are and i think im starting to believe them. its my life..fuck off! its nice, though, to finally have someone around who actually cares about me and isnt fuckin oblivious to what i'm feeling. its awesome to have someone i can actually talk to. hes amazing ;)
Friday night (i think..i dont remember. wow im gay) i went bowling with danielle brendan elaina and mike. woo fucking hoo. not very fun. i was afraid of brendan..seriously. im convinced that he like hates me in the most extreme way. lol i dunno why..but i just think he does. elaina pouted the whole time. mike..just didnt wanna be there-i could tell, and danielle was her usual self which made me very pleased. lol she was the only normal one that night..along with me, of course. i will never go bowling again. its a waste of time...and money *all 4 dollars ;)* plus i suck at it becuase im too queer to do it right.
yesterday mike came over and we watched a movie. then my dad decided to kick us out of the family room and we had to chill on the porch and i fell asleep on him and my dad went crazy bastard mode on me. it was funny. then he left at 11 :(
Today me and amanda went to six flags..we had goals. technically were both still single and i know thats pushing it but we just wanted to have fun. and, oh, we did. mike said he'd come pick us up so we called him at like 5 and he flipped out and said to call him back "later". later could mean so many things. so we called at like 6:30 and he said he couldnt talk cuz he was doing..something. i forget. something gay. not literally. you know. anywaaaays..nate moved out of his grandfathers house and mike had to help him move his shit. so, he did. but he only decided to tell us this right after we walked out of the park. so, we had to wait 2 hours for him. but we amused ourselves as always. he was pissed off when he came, although if confronted he will deny this. he didnt say two fuckin words to me all the way to the warehouse (they were going to practice) and then he asks ME what my problem is. *rolls eyes* so me and amanda just chilled in a different room cuz i had a headache and did not need to hear loud music and then he came in and once again acted like i was the one that was mad and made me out to be the bitch. whatever...i know he didnt mean to, and honestly mikes a sweetheart and i know all he wants is to make everyone else happy..hes just genuinly nice like that. but, to a point, it gets annoying to be asked if im upset every 5 seconds. it makes me feel like im being bitchy or something...i dunno. so, i came home. and here i am. bored..
hanging out with mike and nate and their friends has made me realize just how much ludlow guys really suck cock. theyre all assholes and all of mikes friends are sweethearts. this summer is gonna kick some ass..i feel it, guys..except when mike leaves me for 20 days!! argh! i dunno what im gonna do :(
wow..this is great. aj just told me that the whole time me and cal were going out he talked shit about me and told everyone what a bitch i was. so aj thought i was a bitch cuz of him until he actually started talking to me himself. thats so fucking fucked up. chris told me the same thing..but i hate chris and chris hates me so thats not relavent right now. okay...so thats an example of why ludlow guys suck. aparently josh hates me now too. what a fucking loss. i cant deal with him anymore anyway. us not talking is definitely for the better. i havent been so happy in like..forever. me and mike never get bored with eachother..i've seen him almost every night since we met 3 weeks ago...and after he brings me home we talk on the phone until like 2 and..its..obnoxious. if i saw anyone else that much i'd go insane. but i dunno where he is and he never answers his cell so i cant talk to him tonight :(
well im going to bed cuz..im tired. and, i can.