(no subject)
Is it something in me that lends itself to this dissatisfaction? this vague dislocation in all i do? i have so little that binds me here. my classes do not particularly engage me, and the majority of the people here- well, my connection to them is so superficial. i miss living in a house, where i have my own spaces, and hate the lack of privacy.
an anecdote: I was drunk at a party a few weekends ago, and i was struck by the beauty of the light of the sky against the trees (as i always am). the trees were deep deep green, and the sky was tinged red from the city lights. the clouds were a lighter pink against the sky and the leaves of the tree were touched by subtle variations in tone. And people found it strange and amusing that i noted this and vocalized it... if i had been sober i would have simply kept it to myself.... something about this troubles me. that its strange to notice the beauty of the world and want to share it with other people? we have so few real connections with other humans as it is, why furthur limit your oppurtunity to connect with another person? ugghhhh.
i don't know i just don't know. perhaps i'm just in a bit of a slump because i've been sick, and now have to catch up on work. most of the time i really love it here, but i feel unsettled. i'm hoping to commit myself again after returning from october break, hopefully renewed, reinvigorated.
an anecdote: I was drunk at a party a few weekends ago, and i was struck by the beauty of the light of the sky against the trees (as i always am). the trees were deep deep green, and the sky was tinged red from the city lights. the clouds were a lighter pink against the sky and the leaves of the tree were touched by subtle variations in tone. And people found it strange and amusing that i noted this and vocalized it... if i had been sober i would have simply kept it to myself.... something about this troubles me. that its strange to notice the beauty of the world and want to share it with other people? we have so few real connections with other humans as it is, why furthur limit your oppurtunity to connect with another person? ugghhhh.
i don't know i just don't know. perhaps i'm just in a bit of a slump because i've been sick, and now have to catch up on work. most of the time i really love it here, but i feel unsettled. i'm hoping to commit myself again after returning from october break, hopefully renewed, reinvigorated.