(no subject)
To write in here.
I wish I was stronger person.
She was someone who was. My Great-aunt Esther, whenever I had any problems
she would be willing to let me go stay with her as long as I needed to. She stated for
2-3 years, she was dieing. During her 40-50s she was happily married, she never learned
how to drive, she never had any kids. Instead she took care of my mom && her brothers
&& sisters since they needed the extra help. She put everyone infront of herself. Than
once her husband died, I think something died inside of her. She barley went out to see
family as much because she always felt sick. I personally think the lonlieness got to
her, since her family moved to Cali//Florida. Her sisters and brothers died within all
of the same 5 years. My mom and I was all she had left to come see her. She had
to stop going out to see us, she broke her arm && her shoulder when she came over.
Was from tripping over something, someone not of her age would normally trip on.
She never felt the need to complain, she knew she could do nothign to referse what happened.
My mom wanted our old garage && old kitchen re-done, she paid for it stating "she had
no use for the money". I remember when I would go visit her, she always wanted me to
spend the night but my mom never thought it was a good idea because she was old and
if something happened, she didn't want me to be there alone to witness it. Only about 3 years
ago, saying she was dieing, was a reality. I was never so upset, because for those past couple
of weeks she asked me to visit && I never got the chance to, and maybe even when I did, I
didn't take the opportunity to go. I lived in regret for weeks after her death. It was just one
of the worse feelings knowing, she was gone and she would never know how I felt. I remember
I would cry going to bed hoping she would know how sorry I was that I never got an official
goodbye. It was weird since one night I had the dream that I knew was a message comeing
from her. {{She was driving me to a friends house, keeping in mind she never learned how
to drive. Than as getting out of the car she told me she loved me, and I told her I loved her too
and was glad I was able to see her before she died. Than I looked back at the car, and it wasn't
there..but I was still smiling.}}. I don't think I will ever forget that feeling of waking up in the morning
&& remembering that. I ended up finding her picture in a frame in one of my boxes I still haven't
unpacked since we moved. I put it on my desk && make sure it stays there. I know she's watching over me.
Sure that might not seem as something normal someone would post in a live journal entry, even
since she died about 3 years ago. But it's something that means something to me. Even with her
not being here, the memories I have of her, will still always make me a better person. I have to become
a stronger person, and stop complaining about the little things that can't be change. I can live without
having any family, as long as a couple stay close, but even than, I know there will be always some sort
of friends to be there for me. I care only for people, who show they care about me.
I can think of a couple girls and a few guys who I can honestly say are the definition of 'true' friends, I'm thankful for those people.
I'm thankful for those people, who will sit there and listen to me complain wither it's a big deal subject or not.
I'm thankful for those who I can call up crying for no apparent reason and they will sit there and stay on the
phone wither I need them to say anything to comfort me or not, just knowing they are on the line letting me
know they are there when I need them. I'm thankful for the families who have brought me into their homes
to let me stay with them, when I wasn't allowed at mine, or when I felt I couldn't go. The people who have put
up with my drinking and when I get obnoxious, or even when I vomit. Especially when they sit in the bathroom
with you, when you need your hair held, or stay up most of the night to make sure you sleep on your side so
you don't choke on your puke. Sure it's all funny now, but all of that kind of stuff, is when you know you have good friends.
Not friends who only hang out with you when they have no one else to hang out with, or when they break up
with their boyfriend && they are left with no one since they left their girls for so long, the people who will say
anything to know it pisses you off, the people who can't say things to your face but find ways to be able to
tell others about you. I can clearly see who my 'true' friends consist of && who it doesn't.
"oh, oh, daynuh
you leave the boys wanting more.
no, im not implying you're a whore.
nor that you get around.
but hopefully we can get around,
to having that party of ours.
its gunna be a good time,
hopefully won't cost us a dime.
im tryin really hard to keep the rhyme.
this poem's for you
i hope it'll do
what i want it to do.
to cheer you up.
so cheer up, for me.
thats all im asking for.
okay this poem is dead and lame
i'd ask if you wanted to play a game
but you live to dayum,
far away.
come back from away.
come back and have a good day."
-Or when people make up poems to cheer you up.
Adam did a good job at doing that.
I'm done for now though.
That was mostly what I could get out of me.
Thursday= License.
Friday= Greeley Estates && Stiletto Formal
June 4th= Job For a Cowboy
June 7th= Courtney's Birthday
June 9th= Last Day of school && starting of summer
June 15h=Justin Miesner comes home!!$#@
June 17th= Warped tour in WI
July 30th= Warped tour in IL
probably more exciting things will come their way.