What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You 1/2
It's official! I'm on a roll! Well, seriously. I really am on a roll.
Title: What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's Miranda's birthday. Andy forgets. What happens next?
Notes: I owe the songs to Elvis Costello for his wonderful version of Cole Porter's Let's Misbehave, Michael Buble and his cover of For Once in My Life, and Nat King Cole's Unforgettable.
“Where is she?” Miranda asked. It was dinnertime, and the three children were sitting demurely on the dining table, enjoying the rest of their dinner before their mother decides to question them one by one. This time, though, the tone was angry-very angry. Caroline looked up for three seconds then decided to focus on her steak. Cassidy was more focused on her knife and fork, watching the buttered corn more intently than the rest of the people she was eating with. Andrew was glancing at his mother and his twin sisters. There was a slight, but unmistakable blush in his mother’s cheeks. She was very, very angry. Not a good sign at all.
“She called us,” Caroline finally said, sighing. She was going to have to do this, then. “She said that she would be working a late shift and that she might get home late.”
“Tonight?” The question came off less than a question and more like a condemnation. Cassidy winced when she heard her mother’s firm voice. “She’s going to work late tonight.”
The word tonight sounded like a crime coming from their mother’s lips. Like murder. Or sexual harassment. Or eating junk food. Or wearing polyester. “Uh, yeah.” Cassidy said, helping out her twin. This was not going well at all. “And she says she’s really, really sorry.”
Andrew watched as his sisters squirmed under their mother’s gaze, which was a softened version of a Look, but a Look nonetheless. He drained the rest of his water and prayed that his sisters wouldn’t melt under their mother’s stare, which was becoming more livid by the minute.
Miranda started cutting up her steak like a mad woman. “I’m sure that even you children would remember what day it is today,” She said, staring directly at the counter. Caroline opened her mouth and then decided against it. Andrew looked up from his peas. Cassidy shifted uneasily. “You three remembered. Even my normally incompetent assistants, not that I should waste my time discussing their actions or anything of the sort, remembered what date it is today. Even Irv remembered what date it is today. I don’t understand the complexity of the situation. Is it impossible to remember an important date and hold off a few working hours in lieu of a family dinner? Is it impossible to pick up a phone and call? Do I ask for too much?”
“No, no,” The children immediately chorused. Miranda continued knifing her way through her steak. “No, Mom.” Miranda looked at them and then they stopped.
“I don’t think she intentionally forgot.” Cassidy said. “I’m sure she remembered.”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure it was an impromptu thing, Mom. Like they had no one else to cover an event, or her coworker was sick or something like that.” Caroline immediately added. “She wouldn’t do that to you. She wouldn’t dare.”
“And, she called us,” Andrew quipped finally, feeling sorry for his mom and his sisters, who looked like they were being tortured instead of eating a family dinner. “She didn’t forget.” It was very important to stress that, because as of the moment, Andrea Sachs was waiting patiently in the attic with a big band that all four of them hired and paid for to come out when Miranda would be too pissed off to care about anything else and sleep, holding their presents.
“Mom,” Cassidy said delicately, gesturing at Miranda’s dinner. “Your steak.”
Miranda took a piece and swallowed it. “What about the steak?”
Caroline rolled her eyes and sighed. “Mom, you just ruined your dinner. This isn’t like you.” At that, the two other children seemed to have found some semblance of bearing and confidence because they sat up and continued eating like nothing serious was happening.
“Mom, why are you acting like your dog died?” Andrew blurted out. Cassidy kicked him under the table while Caroline glared at him. He only shrugged at them. “There’s no use trying to hide it, is there? So Mama’s not here, big deal. She will be in a couple of hours.”
Miranda immediately interrupted. “You don’t understand, Andrew--”
“Andrew, you shouldn’t be talking to Mom that way.” Caroline said pointedly, interrupting Miranda before anything broke out. This was going to be a very difficult dinner. “It’s rude, and I don’t think there’s a point in trying to bring this up.”
Cassidy nods enthusiastically and glares at Andrew again. “That’s right. It’s rude, it’s annoying, and it’s pointless. Whatever it is, they’ll discuss it. Just finish your dinner.”
“You two are covering up for Mom and I don’t get it.” Andrew said, cutting up his steak.
“Andrew, what is your obsession with this?” Miranda finally asked.
Miranda Priestly’s red-haired twin daughters silently prayed that Andrew would have a suitable answer to the question, and that if he didn’t have one, their mother wouldn’t care too much about them covering up for him. This was not good. Not good at all.
“Mom, I get it. You’re mad because Mama’s not here.” Andrew said, and after that, he received not one, but three glares from the women in the table. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to forget. But you have to understand--”
Miranda waved him off. “I’m not listening to any of her excuses that she might have told you or your sisters,” Miranda said, pausing to give her girls a Look, “Zip it.”
That was the last straw. “Mom,” Caroline said, the name half a warning and half a response to how Miranda had been treating them throughout the entire dinner.
“Can I be excused?” Andrew quipped. The wall clock said 8:30 and the dinner was not turning out well at all. Miranda didn’t notice him looking at the time. “I don’t feel like eating anymore.” Miranda looked at him apologetically and nodded. He dragged his feet up the stairs, and when he was sure that he couldn’t be heard from the first floor, he ran up to the attic as fast as he could, opening and closing the door silently. The band was feasting on takeout while Andy was pacing around the room, nervous. Andy gave Andrew a big hug before sitting down on the floor. Andrew looked at the band. They looked ready to go. Andy was still reading the lyrics off the paper. Thirty minutes more and the girls guaranteed that Miranda would go to sleep, once they piss her off enough to stop caring about the rest of the world-Runway included. The Book had been lying on the table in the hallway for an hour and a half now, hibernating there after Miranda brought it home from work. Andy was mouthing the lyrics to the song.
“Ma, you’ve been listening to that song for two weeks. I’m sure you have it all memorized now.” Andrew said, watching Andy closely. Seriously, did everybody at home have to fret over this? His sisters were still downstairs, trying to talk their mother into sleeping.
“It’s her favorite song. I can’t mess this up.” Andy said. Oh, her little boy would never understand. This was like getting Miranda a flight home during a hurricane and before the twins had their recital the next day. Like getting the unpublished Harry Potter manuscript for the twins. “I didn’t greet her and I hid up here while all four of you were having dinner. How is she?”
“Livid.” Andrew said, drumming his fingers on the floor. “You should see her face. I swear I thought it was going to melt off.” Andy laughed. “Seriously, Ma, couldn’t you have just surprised Mom at work or something?”
There were three knocks at the door. Andrew opened it. The day before, all four of them talked about the ‘secret knock’ to get into the attic. Andy told Andrew, Cassidy and Caroline that the door to the attic would only be opened if somebody knocks on it thrice. Cassidy got in and Andrew closed the door. The three of them were now huddled together like basketball players.
“Okay, so Caroline’s taking care of Mom,” Cassidy said. “Andy, how are you?”
“Nervous. Are you sure this is her favorite song?” Andy said, showing Cassidy the papers with the lyrics. “I picked out ‘Unforgettable’ by Nat King Cole and ‘For Once In My Life’ by Michael Bublé for her. Are you really sure that your mom’s favorite song is ‘Let’s Misbehave’?”
Andrew looked at the papers and then at Cassidy. “‘Let’s Misbehave’? That sounds like the kind of song that Mom won’t ever want to hear. Who sang this?”
“Cole Porter. And yes, he’s an old guy, so you don’t know him.” Cassidy said, noticing Andrew’s open mouth. “Trust us. She played it at all her weddings.”
“That’s not exactly the sign I want to look out for.” Andy said wryly. “She got divorced thrice. That’s like, bad luck, if I sing it. Any better reason why?”
“Fine. After she got divorced, well, whenever she was single, she’d play that song. And then she’d come out of the room like it’s the best day in her life. Satisfied?” Cassidy said.
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Andy said. “Bingo there. She’ll like ‘Unforgettable’ and ‘For Once in My Life’, right?” Andy added, showing her the other sheets of paper.
“Yes.” Cassidy said, marveling at Andy’s planning capabilities. “And don’t forget to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ or she’s going to be pissed.”
“Got it as dancing music,” Andy said proudly. “Status on the cake?”
“It’s in the ref,” Andrew said. “We’re going to bring it up once you start singing.”
“And the camcorder’s with Caroline, it’s in working condition. Battery, tapes and all.” Cassidy said, sounding awfully like her mother. “It’s going to be great.”
“What time is it?” Andy asked.
Andrew looked at his watch. “8:50. Ten minutes. Pass by the door at the corner, go downstairs, through the hallway. You’ll get into the door without Mom seeing you.”
“Okay, okay.” Andy said, shaking her hands. “Now get out of here.”
Brother and sister got out of the attic immediately.
“Ma’s going to be okay, right?” Andrew said, suddenly nervous. “I mean, Mom’s not going to throttle her, or anything like that?”
“Don’t be silly, Andrew.” Cassidy said. “Mom doesn’t throttle anyone.”
Andy stood up, looked at the band, and called them to her. “Okay, guys, ten minutes.”
Meanwhile, Caroline was downstairs, fixing the dishes with her mother. Cassidy passed by her when she was looking, and after giving her a thumb-up sign, she nodded. Cassidy ran upstairs immediately. Miranda looked at her eldest daughter, still angry with what happened during dinner. Caroline turned back and continued wiping the dishes.
“Was that Cassidy?” Miranda asked.
“Yeah. She told me that she was going to bed.”
Miranda looked at her watch. “At 8:55? That’s rather early.”
“She has a date tomorrow.” Caroline said, putting a stack of plates in the cupboard.
“Oh.” Miranda remarked. A date. She should’ve known. “With whom?”
“Carl Hutchcroft.” Caroline said, wiping another set of plates.
“I see. I thought she would have wanted some cake.” Miranda said. “For dessert.”
“She’ll probably just have it for breakfast.”
“Caroline, I’m sorry for the way--” Miranda began, but Caroline waved her off.
“It’s okay, Mom. We get it.” Caroline said. “You don’t have to apologize.” Because it was more likely that she would thank them for what they were about to do.
“I think I’ll sleep early.” Miranda announced, after they placed the last of the forks inside the cupboard. “Frankly, the Book can always wait. And so can Andrea.”
“Right.” Caroline said. “I’ll head into bed, Mom.” Caroline said, going up the stairs. Once she reached the second floor, she ran to her room and got the camcorder. Miranda followed after a few minutes, climbing all the way to third floor.
Meanwhile, Andrew snuck down to get the cake as Cassidy returned to the attic to help Andy and the band get down to the other door where Miranda can’t see them. When her watch said 9:00, Cassidy went down to the second floor to join her sister and Andrew, who were on standby near the stairs and ready to run to the master’s bedroom anytime.
Title: What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's Miranda's birthday. Andy forgets. What happens next?
Notes: I owe the songs to Elvis Costello for his wonderful version of Cole Porter's Let's Misbehave, Michael Buble and his cover of For Once in My Life, and Nat King Cole's Unforgettable.
“Where is she?” Miranda asked. It was dinnertime, and the three children were sitting demurely on the dining table, enjoying the rest of their dinner before their mother decides to question them one by one. This time, though, the tone was angry-very angry. Caroline looked up for three seconds then decided to focus on her steak. Cassidy was more focused on her knife and fork, watching the buttered corn more intently than the rest of the people she was eating with. Andrew was glancing at his mother and his twin sisters. There was a slight, but unmistakable blush in his mother’s cheeks. She was very, very angry. Not a good sign at all.
“She called us,” Caroline finally said, sighing. She was going to have to do this, then. “She said that she would be working a late shift and that she might get home late.”
“Tonight?” The question came off less than a question and more like a condemnation. Cassidy winced when she heard her mother’s firm voice. “She’s going to work late tonight.”
The word tonight sounded like a crime coming from their mother’s lips. Like murder. Or sexual harassment. Or eating junk food. Or wearing polyester. “Uh, yeah.” Cassidy said, helping out her twin. This was not going well at all. “And she says she’s really, really sorry.”
Andrew watched as his sisters squirmed under their mother’s gaze, which was a softened version of a Look, but a Look nonetheless. He drained the rest of his water and prayed that his sisters wouldn’t melt under their mother’s stare, which was becoming more livid by the minute.
Miranda started cutting up her steak like a mad woman. “I’m sure that even you children would remember what day it is today,” She said, staring directly at the counter. Caroline opened her mouth and then decided against it. Andrew looked up from his peas. Cassidy shifted uneasily. “You three remembered. Even my normally incompetent assistants, not that I should waste my time discussing their actions or anything of the sort, remembered what date it is today. Even Irv remembered what date it is today. I don’t understand the complexity of the situation. Is it impossible to remember an important date and hold off a few working hours in lieu of a family dinner? Is it impossible to pick up a phone and call? Do I ask for too much?”
“No, no,” The children immediately chorused. Miranda continued knifing her way through her steak. “No, Mom.” Miranda looked at them and then they stopped.
“I don’t think she intentionally forgot.” Cassidy said. “I’m sure she remembered.”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure it was an impromptu thing, Mom. Like they had no one else to cover an event, or her coworker was sick or something like that.” Caroline immediately added. “She wouldn’t do that to you. She wouldn’t dare.”
“And, she called us,” Andrew quipped finally, feeling sorry for his mom and his sisters, who looked like they were being tortured instead of eating a family dinner. “She didn’t forget.” It was very important to stress that, because as of the moment, Andrea Sachs was waiting patiently in the attic with a big band that all four of them hired and paid for to come out when Miranda would be too pissed off to care about anything else and sleep, holding their presents.
“Mom,” Cassidy said delicately, gesturing at Miranda’s dinner. “Your steak.”
Miranda took a piece and swallowed it. “What about the steak?”
Caroline rolled her eyes and sighed. “Mom, you just ruined your dinner. This isn’t like you.” At that, the two other children seemed to have found some semblance of bearing and confidence because they sat up and continued eating like nothing serious was happening.
“Mom, why are you acting like your dog died?” Andrew blurted out. Cassidy kicked him under the table while Caroline glared at him. He only shrugged at them. “There’s no use trying to hide it, is there? So Mama’s not here, big deal. She will be in a couple of hours.”
Miranda immediately interrupted. “You don’t understand, Andrew--”
“Andrew, you shouldn’t be talking to Mom that way.” Caroline said pointedly, interrupting Miranda before anything broke out. This was going to be a very difficult dinner. “It’s rude, and I don’t think there’s a point in trying to bring this up.”
Cassidy nods enthusiastically and glares at Andrew again. “That’s right. It’s rude, it’s annoying, and it’s pointless. Whatever it is, they’ll discuss it. Just finish your dinner.”
“You two are covering up for Mom and I don’t get it.” Andrew said, cutting up his steak.
“Andrew, what is your obsession with this?” Miranda finally asked.
Miranda Priestly’s red-haired twin daughters silently prayed that Andrew would have a suitable answer to the question, and that if he didn’t have one, their mother wouldn’t care too much about them covering up for him. This was not good. Not good at all.
“Mom, I get it. You’re mad because Mama’s not here.” Andrew said, and after that, he received not one, but three glares from the women in the table. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to forget. But you have to understand--”
Miranda waved him off. “I’m not listening to any of her excuses that she might have told you or your sisters,” Miranda said, pausing to give her girls a Look, “Zip it.”
That was the last straw. “Mom,” Caroline said, the name half a warning and half a response to how Miranda had been treating them throughout the entire dinner.
“Can I be excused?” Andrew quipped. The wall clock said 8:30 and the dinner was not turning out well at all. Miranda didn’t notice him looking at the time. “I don’t feel like eating anymore.” Miranda looked at him apologetically and nodded. He dragged his feet up the stairs, and when he was sure that he couldn’t be heard from the first floor, he ran up to the attic as fast as he could, opening and closing the door silently. The band was feasting on takeout while Andy was pacing around the room, nervous. Andy gave Andrew a big hug before sitting down on the floor. Andrew looked at the band. They looked ready to go. Andy was still reading the lyrics off the paper. Thirty minutes more and the girls guaranteed that Miranda would go to sleep, once they piss her off enough to stop caring about the rest of the world-Runway included. The Book had been lying on the table in the hallway for an hour and a half now, hibernating there after Miranda brought it home from work. Andy was mouthing the lyrics to the song.
“Ma, you’ve been listening to that song for two weeks. I’m sure you have it all memorized now.” Andrew said, watching Andy closely. Seriously, did everybody at home have to fret over this? His sisters were still downstairs, trying to talk their mother into sleeping.
“It’s her favorite song. I can’t mess this up.” Andy said. Oh, her little boy would never understand. This was like getting Miranda a flight home during a hurricane and before the twins had their recital the next day. Like getting the unpublished Harry Potter manuscript for the twins. “I didn’t greet her and I hid up here while all four of you were having dinner. How is she?”
“Livid.” Andrew said, drumming his fingers on the floor. “You should see her face. I swear I thought it was going to melt off.” Andy laughed. “Seriously, Ma, couldn’t you have just surprised Mom at work or something?”
There were three knocks at the door. Andrew opened it. The day before, all four of them talked about the ‘secret knock’ to get into the attic. Andy told Andrew, Cassidy and Caroline that the door to the attic would only be opened if somebody knocks on it thrice. Cassidy got in and Andrew closed the door. The three of them were now huddled together like basketball players.
“Okay, so Caroline’s taking care of Mom,” Cassidy said. “Andy, how are you?”
“Nervous. Are you sure this is her favorite song?” Andy said, showing Cassidy the papers with the lyrics. “I picked out ‘Unforgettable’ by Nat King Cole and ‘For Once In My Life’ by Michael Bublé for her. Are you really sure that your mom’s favorite song is ‘Let’s Misbehave’?”
Andrew looked at the papers and then at Cassidy. “‘Let’s Misbehave’? That sounds like the kind of song that Mom won’t ever want to hear. Who sang this?”
“Cole Porter. And yes, he’s an old guy, so you don’t know him.” Cassidy said, noticing Andrew’s open mouth. “Trust us. She played it at all her weddings.”
“That’s not exactly the sign I want to look out for.” Andy said wryly. “She got divorced thrice. That’s like, bad luck, if I sing it. Any better reason why?”
“Fine. After she got divorced, well, whenever she was single, she’d play that song. And then she’d come out of the room like it’s the best day in her life. Satisfied?” Cassidy said.
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Andy said. “Bingo there. She’ll like ‘Unforgettable’ and ‘For Once in My Life’, right?” Andy added, showing her the other sheets of paper.
“Yes.” Cassidy said, marveling at Andy’s planning capabilities. “And don’t forget to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ or she’s going to be pissed.”
“Got it as dancing music,” Andy said proudly. “Status on the cake?”
“It’s in the ref,” Andrew said. “We’re going to bring it up once you start singing.”
“And the camcorder’s with Caroline, it’s in working condition. Battery, tapes and all.” Cassidy said, sounding awfully like her mother. “It’s going to be great.”
“What time is it?” Andy asked.
Andrew looked at his watch. “8:50. Ten minutes. Pass by the door at the corner, go downstairs, through the hallway. You’ll get into the door without Mom seeing you.”
“Okay, okay.” Andy said, shaking her hands. “Now get out of here.”
Brother and sister got out of the attic immediately.
“Ma’s going to be okay, right?” Andrew said, suddenly nervous. “I mean, Mom’s not going to throttle her, or anything like that?”
“Don’t be silly, Andrew.” Cassidy said. “Mom doesn’t throttle anyone.”
Andy stood up, looked at the band, and called them to her. “Okay, guys, ten minutes.”
Meanwhile, Caroline was downstairs, fixing the dishes with her mother. Cassidy passed by her when she was looking, and after giving her a thumb-up sign, she nodded. Cassidy ran upstairs immediately. Miranda looked at her eldest daughter, still angry with what happened during dinner. Caroline turned back and continued wiping the dishes.
“Was that Cassidy?” Miranda asked.
“Yeah. She told me that she was going to bed.”
Miranda looked at her watch. “At 8:55? That’s rather early.”
“She has a date tomorrow.” Caroline said, putting a stack of plates in the cupboard.
“Oh.” Miranda remarked. A date. She should’ve known. “With whom?”
“Carl Hutchcroft.” Caroline said, wiping another set of plates.
“I see. I thought she would have wanted some cake.” Miranda said. “For dessert.”
“She’ll probably just have it for breakfast.”
“Caroline, I’m sorry for the way--” Miranda began, but Caroline waved her off.
“It’s okay, Mom. We get it.” Caroline said. “You don’t have to apologize.” Because it was more likely that she would thank them for what they were about to do.
“I think I’ll sleep early.” Miranda announced, after they placed the last of the forks inside the cupboard. “Frankly, the Book can always wait. And so can Andrea.”
“Right.” Caroline said. “I’ll head into bed, Mom.” Caroline said, going up the stairs. Once she reached the second floor, she ran to her room and got the camcorder. Miranda followed after a few minutes, climbing all the way to third floor.
Meanwhile, Andrew snuck down to get the cake as Cassidy returned to the attic to help Andy and the band get down to the other door where Miranda can’t see them. When her watch said 9:00, Cassidy went down to the second floor to join her sister and Andrew, who were on standby near the stairs and ready to run to the master’s bedroom anytime.