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Okay, so the guys don't like me because they think i cause drama. the only drama i caused was because i thought that if i wasn't desired by them, then something must be wrong with me or I'm not needed. Well with my many drives home i get into that carspective talk. I think things through so that i don't sound so irrational when it comes to talking to someone else about my situation. Well i came to finally realize that i'm not getting married til i'm 28 so i don't need guys to want me anyway.. being the whole abstinence attempt thing. Well anyways, i realized that i haven't been myself for a really long time because i thought that "oh, no one wants me, and blah blah blah, i'm not good enough" and all that other stuff. SO to a new level i decided to go back to who i used to be before relationships became an issue. So yesterday, i had fun, me, ben, and Bri went to Minooka for about 5-6 hours to swim all day and sit around and get tan because we are all white...me the most.. lol, you have no idea. then katie comes then servi shows up, we try to catch some frogs.. lol, we sound like little kiddies again, but we are when we're all together. Then about half hour to an hour later, finally joe and benben show up. then we leave for my house and get some pizza then robyn, sam, and matt all come by in the course of time. We are all playing in the backyard, by the tiki bar and some juggling and what we do best.
Finally, i realized that nothing bothered me that day... besides waiting for joe to finally arrive. We all then dropped off brian then we all headed over to budget to see "Kingdom of Heaven" which i must say is now my favorite new movie. I was finally myself again. my mom thinks i'm depressed and what not.. maybe i was for a little bit, but that's only when i started to think stupid shit, like no one needs me around because Katie's there or whatever. But soo not true. I just have a tendency to read into things too far.
And with hte whole matt thing, i don't care if he thinks i start drama, that was only because i thought they were all too good for me and blah. Well you know what, they know nothing about me. matt was shocked when he heard i already had a plan for my life... he thought i was jsut another one of the dead beats... boy, you are soo wrong. I am a determined person, i have my goals, i have my accomplishments, i know what i want. I'm just trying to enjoy my youth while i still have it... which makes me lazy, lol. And believe me, i have a lot of potential.. i jsut don't feel like grasping it right now.. although i should considering i'm in college and all.
BACK TO MY POINT... i don't care what they think of me, because the guys who know me will never and have never left my side... I am gorgeous to myself and that's all i need. They have high standards (matt and them) when it comes to females.. but they will find out soon enough that acting that way will get you know where. To be a real man.. which they are not.. you have to look past the exterior. I mean take joe.. he's a good-looking, fun-loving, weird guy, lol. And he's in love with Amber. GRant it, she broke his heart a lot becase she's still not sure what she wants. She's not the greatest looking anymore because her weight goes up and down, which isn't healthy, but whatever. My point is.. joe started dating her when she was really thin and gorgeous and he's still with her after about 50 pounds plus added on, and he still loves her. I like her as a person.. she's definitely changed.. she's a lot better, but she needs to figure out exactly what she wants before her and joe start planning the wedding date. Joe wants to marry her and all that stuff.. he loves her, so why the hell not. But recently after starting to hang out with Benben and matt he started asking people what they thought of her, and then he let that get to him because the guys said stuff like "if it weren't for her big knockers i would never look at her" which is really mean.. because i still think she's pretty, and i didn't like her for a long time because she cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend who just so happens to be one of our friends and joe's ex best friend... wacked out situation i know, but that's new Berlinites for ya. He was actually going to break up with her and then instead she breaks up with him.. he never told me why.. he actually hasn't told me a lot of things recently after hanging out full-time with benben and matt. I don't get him anymore. Whatever.
Anyways, I'm leaving for up north in 3 days and Brian is actually coming with me... he f'in surprised me.. he normallygives me a last minute answer and that answer is usually no. He got off work all next week and he's trying to find someone to fill in saturday otehrwise we are either leaving saturday night or sunday morning to go to Eagle River with my family til Wednesday then to Crivitz to visit our friend josh who was just in town 2 weeks ago for 4th of july celebrations. then back to nb on Friday.. i think. Then maybe a weekend in the dell with everyone... what a nice vacation. Brian gets to learn how to waterski... awesome..among other things. and since we're the youngest and leaving the earliest, we have to sleep on the porch he can have the couch.. i'll sleep on the ground.. or he can sleep with corey and mike.. lol. But it is going to be a good year.. i'm not stuck talking to Will alone like last year.. what a strange guy. we are also going horseback riding and go-carting.. i love vacation with my family but i love it even more when i have a friend with me.. oddly enough though, this is the first time i brought a guy.
I think lee anne is mad at me, but i don't know, she could jsut be too busy to call me back or idk.. i'm not used to her being mad at me. Oh well.. i'm bored with typing... i'm at work, i think i'll jsut sleep.
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<3 Tami
Finally, i realized that nothing bothered me that day... besides waiting for joe to finally arrive. We all then dropped off brian then we all headed over to budget to see "Kingdom of Heaven" which i must say is now my favorite new movie. I was finally myself again. my mom thinks i'm depressed and what not.. maybe i was for a little bit, but that's only when i started to think stupid shit, like no one needs me around because Katie's there or whatever. But soo not true. I just have a tendency to read into things too far.
And with hte whole matt thing, i don't care if he thinks i start drama, that was only because i thought they were all too good for me and blah. Well you know what, they know nothing about me. matt was shocked when he heard i already had a plan for my life... he thought i was jsut another one of the dead beats... boy, you are soo wrong. I am a determined person, i have my goals, i have my accomplishments, i know what i want. I'm just trying to enjoy my youth while i still have it... which makes me lazy, lol. And believe me, i have a lot of potential.. i jsut don't feel like grasping it right now.. although i should considering i'm in college and all.
BACK TO MY POINT... i don't care what they think of me, because the guys who know me will never and have never left my side... I am gorgeous to myself and that's all i need. They have high standards (matt and them) when it comes to females.. but they will find out soon enough that acting that way will get you know where. To be a real man.. which they are not.. you have to look past the exterior. I mean take joe.. he's a good-looking, fun-loving, weird guy, lol. And he's in love with Amber. GRant it, she broke his heart a lot becase she's still not sure what she wants. She's not the greatest looking anymore because her weight goes up and down, which isn't healthy, but whatever. My point is.. joe started dating her when she was really thin and gorgeous and he's still with her after about 50 pounds plus added on, and he still loves her. I like her as a person.. she's definitely changed.. she's a lot better, but she needs to figure out exactly what she wants before her and joe start planning the wedding date. Joe wants to marry her and all that stuff.. he loves her, so why the hell not. But recently after starting to hang out with Benben and matt he started asking people what they thought of her, and then he let that get to him because the guys said stuff like "if it weren't for her big knockers i would never look at her" which is really mean.. because i still think she's pretty, and i didn't like her for a long time because she cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend who just so happens to be one of our friends and joe's ex best friend... wacked out situation i know, but that's new Berlinites for ya. He was actually going to break up with her and then instead she breaks up with him.. he never told me why.. he actually hasn't told me a lot of things recently after hanging out full-time with benben and matt. I don't get him anymore. Whatever.
Anyways, I'm leaving for up north in 3 days and Brian is actually coming with me... he f'in surprised me.. he normallygives me a last minute answer and that answer is usually no. He got off work all next week and he's trying to find someone to fill in saturday otehrwise we are either leaving saturday night or sunday morning to go to Eagle River with my family til Wednesday then to Crivitz to visit our friend josh who was just in town 2 weeks ago for 4th of july celebrations. then back to nb on Friday.. i think. Then maybe a weekend in the dell with everyone... what a nice vacation. Brian gets to learn how to waterski... awesome..among other things. and since we're the youngest and leaving the earliest, we have to sleep on the porch he can have the couch.. i'll sleep on the ground.. or he can sleep with corey and mike.. lol. But it is going to be a good year.. i'm not stuck talking to Will alone like last year.. what a strange guy. we are also going horseback riding and go-carting.. i love vacation with my family but i love it even more when i have a friend with me.. oddly enough though, this is the first time i brought a guy.
I think lee anne is mad at me, but i don't know, she could jsut be too busy to call me back or idk.. i'm not used to her being mad at me. Oh well.. i'm bored with typing... i'm at work, i think i'll jsut sleep.
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<3 Tami