Life gave me lemons... or was it vodka?
So yesterday, i brifly talked to Chris and asked him why he hated me again. Well his response (surprisingly he gave me one) was that i backstabbed him, Kevin, auggie and Joey(somehow).
With that said.. yes, i cheated on my first boyfriend, for reasons, that not many people could understand.. I loved him with all my heart and i wanted our first time to be perfect... but i didn't know what i was doing, so i went elsewhere for help, but this help ended up being first-hand... now tell me... how many of you could actually beleive that?
If you don't I'm sorry, but it's true.
So Anyways, i left him a note apologizing for everything i have ever done wrong that he could possibly hold over my head because as most of us know Chris likes to hold grudges... he may not admit this himself and unless he has changed, which i assume he hasn't, this still stands true... Think about it.. if chris has ever gotten mad at you and still brings it up about 3 years later, then yes, he holds grudges. My relationship with Auggie went for a while after the whole cheating-but-not-meaning-to happened. I finally told him a few weeks after i turned 18 and a few weeks before i left for mexico for a month. I missed him so much, but i thought he could never forgive me... i was wrong.. over time he started to talk to me and we were going to get back together, but then Amanda came in the picture. I didn't like it for awhile because then all of his free time went to her and me and him became best friends after the break-up.. although he constantly asked me why? why did i do what i did? then amanda got jealous because we talked on the phone all the time. So i had to prove to her that my interest in Auggie is solely platonic... she didn't beleive me, so since beginning of spring break senior year, that is the last i heard from Auggie. I miss him, i feel like one of my best friends was ripped away from me.. i told him everything and vice versa. If i could talk to him again, i don't think i would know what to say because it has been so long, i bet he forgot about me anyway. He's living with Amanda at her aunts house and i'm happy for him, he found the girl he wants to marry at 17 and is still with her.
Someone from work today actually asked me what my boyfriend buys me for i don't remember what because he was talking about how his g/f bought him sushi and pocky sticks from Chicago this morinng... my response was i don't have a boyfriend.. i get used. Now, i really hate to admit that, especially to the guys at work because i see them everyday and i don't want anyone feeling bad for me. Shit happens.. i wish some of it wouldn't, but it does.
I miss hanging out with Chris and Kevin, considering for the longest time they were better "brothers" than my own brothers. They protected me from certain guys that will remain nameless. I don't know what to say anymore except that i'm sorry. I'm sorry I was young and stupid, I'm sorry I just wanted to feel desired because i have never known what that has felt like. Even now, i forget. I haven't had the feeling for such a long time. I've had two other boyfriends since Auggie and neither lasted more than 2 months... one dumped me for one of my friends.. well 2 actually and the other was too busy for me. He saw me about 2 times in the 2 1/2 months we were together (that wasn't continuous, that was 3-week increments all a few months in between). So i don't count either as a relationship or consider them my ex-boyfriends... they are nothing to me
on a brighter note.. my computer has a virus that completely destroyed my beloved laptop.. yes, i am a geek now.. well, i have been since mid-january thanks to my job which i might lose becuase i am a retard and i forget that i pick up shifts and forget to call in. So i have 3 no call, no shows and one more.. i lose the easiest college job in the world :-( it's just not my summer...
well next week is eagle river so hopefully things will look up.. brian MAY come he hasn't gotten back to me and... Coreys getting ready for his 7-day fishing escapade. I can only do that for maybe one day going from 6am to abut noon and then i'm jumping out of the boat and swimming back to our dock or calling dad to get in his pretty new boat. Well that's all my good news for one day... leave a message
<3 Tamz
With that said.. yes, i cheated on my first boyfriend, for reasons, that not many people could understand.. I loved him with all my heart and i wanted our first time to be perfect... but i didn't know what i was doing, so i went elsewhere for help, but this help ended up being first-hand... now tell me... how many of you could actually beleive that?
If you don't I'm sorry, but it's true.
So Anyways, i left him a note apologizing for everything i have ever done wrong that he could possibly hold over my head because as most of us know Chris likes to hold grudges... he may not admit this himself and unless he has changed, which i assume he hasn't, this still stands true... Think about it.. if chris has ever gotten mad at you and still brings it up about 3 years later, then yes, he holds grudges. My relationship with Auggie went for a while after the whole cheating-but-not-meaning-to happened. I finally told him a few weeks after i turned 18 and a few weeks before i left for mexico for a month. I missed him so much, but i thought he could never forgive me... i was wrong.. over time he started to talk to me and we were going to get back together, but then Amanda came in the picture. I didn't like it for awhile because then all of his free time went to her and me and him became best friends after the break-up.. although he constantly asked me why? why did i do what i did? then amanda got jealous because we talked on the phone all the time. So i had to prove to her that my interest in Auggie is solely platonic... she didn't beleive me, so since beginning of spring break senior year, that is the last i heard from Auggie. I miss him, i feel like one of my best friends was ripped away from me.. i told him everything and vice versa. If i could talk to him again, i don't think i would know what to say because it has been so long, i bet he forgot about me anyway. He's living with Amanda at her aunts house and i'm happy for him, he found the girl he wants to marry at 17 and is still with her.
Someone from work today actually asked me what my boyfriend buys me for i don't remember what because he was talking about how his g/f bought him sushi and pocky sticks from Chicago this morinng... my response was i don't have a boyfriend.. i get used. Now, i really hate to admit that, especially to the guys at work because i see them everyday and i don't want anyone feeling bad for me. Shit happens.. i wish some of it wouldn't, but it does.
I miss hanging out with Chris and Kevin, considering for the longest time they were better "brothers" than my own brothers. They protected me from certain guys that will remain nameless. I don't know what to say anymore except that i'm sorry. I'm sorry I was young and stupid, I'm sorry I just wanted to feel desired because i have never known what that has felt like. Even now, i forget. I haven't had the feeling for such a long time. I've had two other boyfriends since Auggie and neither lasted more than 2 months... one dumped me for one of my friends.. well 2 actually and the other was too busy for me. He saw me about 2 times in the 2 1/2 months we were together (that wasn't continuous, that was 3-week increments all a few months in between). So i don't count either as a relationship or consider them my ex-boyfriends... they are nothing to me
on a brighter note.. my computer has a virus that completely destroyed my beloved laptop.. yes, i am a geek now.. well, i have been since mid-january thanks to my job which i might lose becuase i am a retard and i forget that i pick up shifts and forget to call in. So i have 3 no call, no shows and one more.. i lose the easiest college job in the world :-( it's just not my summer...
well next week is eagle river so hopefully things will look up.. brian MAY come he hasn't gotten back to me and... Coreys getting ready for his 7-day fishing escapade. I can only do that for maybe one day going from 6am to abut noon and then i'm jumping out of the boat and swimming back to our dock or calling dad to get in his pretty new boat. Well that's all my good news for one day... leave a message
<3 Tamz