Oistros by airgiodslv, commentary by formerlydf, 2/2

[formerlydf]

Title: Oistros
Author: airgiodslv
Fandom: Bandom
Commentator: formerlydf

Comments

[airgiodslv]

And that last brings up an interesting question: what counts as stupid for Spencer?

Ooh, can I offer an opinion? I can't remember exactly what it was I was thinking Spencer wanted to do when I wrote this, but I suspect it was something along the lines of shaking. Holding on tightly, and performing a somewhat violent action, but one with an undercurrent of desperation because it really means he cares. And after that first touch, with Brendon's eyes wide and the two of them standing close and Spencer's fingers curled into Brendon's shirt, it could easily have spiraled.

It's just a small moment, but I'm really glad that Spencer has this moment to himself. I think he really needs it.

Yes!!! Confession: This is the point in the story at which I took a step back and thought, 'I'm losing it.' I'd lost that first burst of momentum, and the story was getting bogged down by angst and negativity and drama. So I thought what I really needed was a time-out from that. What my narrator needed was a time-out from that. And hey, I lived in College Park for three years. I know where I used to go when I needed a break. It felt right that Spencer should get to spend some time there, too.

It's like a metaphor or something! Ryan knows Spencer, knows Spencer's favorites. Brendon doesn't, but he tries, and he's very enthusiastic about it. Also, how much do I love that smiley-face? A lot. It's just a small thing, but a lot of Spencer's actions are so small in this that it feels like it means more.

Yes! They both love him! They both try to show him, but in different ways (because they are different people)! They both care about and look out for him! And the smiley-face is important to me, too, because it's forgiveness on a Post-It. Brendon's was asking for forgiveness, and Spencer's was granting it, telling him everything was all right. With that paragraph, they're cool again.

They're not attracted to each other, but it would be easier if it was Spencer, just because they know each other so well and they're so close that it wouldn't matter. This would be just another thing for them to get past together, them against the world. Instead, they've got this third person being added in and changing all the dynamics, which complicates things.

Yesssssssssssss.

He's part of them, and it's going to require a little re-shifting, because he has different ways, but that doesn't mean they won't work, that he doesn't fit.

That's it exactly! Brendon works in a completely different way from the two of them, but he's capable. He's more aware of other people than they usually give him credit for, and he's finding his way in, feeling them out. I don't know how much of it was able to come across without being able to show the two of them alone together, but Brendon was actually really, really good for Ryan. As good as anyone could be, at least. He forces Ryan to not take everything so seriously, he attacks with humour and charm, he holds on tight and doesn't let go. He's Brendon. He's exactly what Ryan needed.

I really want to know who Brendon and Brent are, though.

Ahahahaha. I have to confess that I have no idea. The only important one was Spencer, because this is one of the first hints that Brendon is keeping an eye on Spencer. He's not only getting Ryan to laugh, he's getting Spencer in on it at the same time. Brendon is flirting with Spencer, in his own way. He's pulling pigtails and saying, 'hey, look at me, I'm sharing a joke with you and it's just for the two of us.'

Also, for the first time, Spencer goes after Brendon, and not Ryan. Like all of Spencer's actions in this fic, it's deliberate, understated, and means a lot more than what it is on the surface.

YESSSS. He hesitates both times, but in the first scene, he goes after Ryan, and in this one, he goes after Brendon. Things are starting to change.

[airgiodslv]

Here, we get a bit more of a sense of what's going on in Brendon's world. We never explicitly make our way into Brendon's head and his and Ryan's relationship during this fic, which I think makes the little glimpses we see through Spencer all the more powerful.

Oh thank goodness. That's exactly what I was hoping to show, since all the audience gets to see is the public glimpses of the two of them, everything that's outside of the sex, and Spencer's speculation about more. What happens in that bedroom is something I wanted people to imagine, but not explicitly know.

He's letting Brendon in by admitting that he thinks Ryan is being a dick.

Yes! He's criticizing Ryan. To someone else. It's a big deal. Oh, your commentary makes me so happy.

I love that awkwardly. They're still teenage boys, after all.

Yes! Exactly! Spencer does not spend a lot of time hugging people and rubbing their backs and telling them everything will be okay! That's not how he and Ryan work, and he's completely out of his depth when presented with the need to comfort Brendon. He does his best, though. He's learning!

Brendon the would-be drama queen. I love it.

All I have to say to this is: "Everyone makes Bden the scapegoat." :-P

And now we have this hint that Brendon feels the same, but there are no confessions tonight; it's the wrong place, wrong time.

Yessssss. Ugh, you get it. <3

"Sacrifice" really is the perfect word, since it's going to be pretty damn painful; then again, it actually fits the entire story.

This moment was hugely important to me because Ryan unfortunately, struggling with his hormones and his loss of control and his situation, comes off as kind of a bad guy. I needed to show that he really was trying, that he was doing his best and wasn't so self-centered that he didn't care about anyone else's well-being. He needed to redeem himself somehow, and this was it.

All the threads of the entire story are running directly underneath this scene, twisting and tangling into this knot that we can't see, but that we knows is there nonetheless.

YES. !!!

There's also really a sense of how alone Spencer is - Ryan, his best friend, and Brendon, the boy he kinda-maybe-sorta likes, are off together, and Brent is both sleeping and not really in their circle.

This is totally it. Spencer's locked out and alone.

Ass privileges, okay. That will never not be funny. Also, I like that there's some lightness in this thing between Brendon and Ryan. It feels... very Brendon.

Yes! That's what I was trying to say earlier, about Brendon being good for Ryan. Spencer (and we) only get these tiny glimpses of it, but Brendon's learning fast, and he's inserting enough humour and gentleness into the situation to keep Ryan from completely losing his mind. Ryan and Brendon are doing a whole lot of bonding in that bedroom, not just physically. It's why the next time this happens, Brendon is the one to go to Ryan first. He understands.

That said, I love Ryan bitching. It makes me annoyed, but I think it's perfect. Of course he's being a dick. It's a shitty situation, and like I said, he's not used to Brendon's habitual touchy-feeliness.

OH THANK GOD. <3

I love them having a good day, where nobody yells at each other and they actually get shit done, and Brendon with his legs up in the air! Oh my god, he's so adorable. But still, there's that little hint of something else, of overwhelming exhaustion, that recurs a few paragraphs down.

Yes yes yes!!! Okay, the mention of Brendon's position was for two reasons: a) He's writing, he's working, they're making progress and they're dealing, and Brendon is bouncing back again and irrepressible. But: b) He's on the floor with his keyboard, lying on his stomach, because it hurts too much to spend the day sitting on the bench. Things aren't perfect yet.

[airgiodslv]

I think the cheerfulness was partially adrenaline and satisfaction, but I do think that Brendon has these happy walls that he puts up, that have varying levels of truth to them depending on the situation.

Totally. Brendon has his own ways of doing things, and in a similar vein, his own defenses. He'd rather be happy than mired in sadness and self-pity, even if the cheerfulness has to be slightly forced.

And what Spencer says - "You're, uh. You're his right now." - packs a lot into a little.

Yes. And he's not just saying that to Brendon - he's saying that to himself.

THEY BROKE THE BED. I AM LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY. I MAY NEVER STOP.

\O/

In a way, you can see here the seeds Brendon and Ryan's future friendship

YES YES YES OMG YES.

Plus, he's persistent. He'll wear Ryan down.

Dude. Totally.

Mm, more Spencer&Ryan - but it's shared history this time, not just their psychic thing, that explains why Brendon is out of the loop, otherwise he might maybe kind of get it.

Yes! This is actually why the sequel starts out with a scene in which Brendon is effortlessly speaking in half-sentences right along with Ryan and Spencer and Jon is clueless. Brendon is still a few years behind them on the shared-history thing, but he's making up for lost time.

He lets everyone else go out and get (metaphorically) drunk while he makes sure they don't do anything too stupid (yeah, that one's literal). Which, even though it's partially a self-chosen role, still kind of sucks for him.

And this, this is why Brendon is also really, really good for Spencer. The next time around, Spencer is still going to worry, but Brendon is going to absorb some of that, redirect it, loosen some of the tension. I really love showing/seeing why characters are good for each other, not just taking it for granted that they are.

It kind of makes you wonder what he's like during sex, if he lets go at all. Or am I the only one who wonders that?

Ahahahahaha you are so very not. BELIEVE ME. There's a reason I write Spencer so often as a Dom.

It's like a pornographic horror movie or something.

omg yes.

Oh, Brent. And oh, Spencer's annoyed dismissal of Brent.

EXACTLY.

It feels a little like their brains are starting to work along the same wavelength.

Yes! Yes yes yes! They are totally co-conspirators! (My commentary is degenerating, isn't it? Sorry.)

Oh, totally, Brendon. Definitely just for the good of the band.

Flirtiiiiiing. <3

Who but Spencer would be able to stand there without reacting while Ryan tries to kill him? What would Ryan stop for, if not Spencer's reassuringly steady calmness?

Yes! Yes!!!

God, boys. Can;t you just feel your heart breaking?

This is another place where I tried to show Ryan's vulnerability, and how he really isn't a bad person at all. He's just having something of a breakdown.

I feel like part of the reason that this works so well, even if it does take some adjusting, is because Brendon isn't Ryan, isn't Spencer, and doesn't go about things like either of them do. That's not what they need.

I would copy and paste this entire section if it wouldn't be annoying. And then keymash at you. For a very long time.

Spencer probably lives perpetually on edge. He's always ready to deal with whatever crisis might be coming up - or he tries to be ready, in any case.

It's also Ryan. Especially right now, Ryan is at the very top of Spencer's alert list.

I think that, deep down, Ryan saw Spencer looking at Brendon and felt a little bit like Brendon was taking Spencer away, which Ryan obviously wasn't ready for.

I still really like this theory!!

[airgiodslv]

I love this scene so much, although occasionally I wonder where Brent is.

Okay, I have to confess again: I don't know where Brent is. I never thought about it. This is the three of them together, moving past this and into the future together, and Brent won't be a part of that.

I love seeing Ryan so amused and not-angsty.

Me too!

now Brendon and Spencer can start a courtship that feels like it's been delayed for years. And they can all just be teenage boys again, without having to worry so much about everything.

Yes. That is basically my summary response to your entire amazing commentary. Yes.

Thank you so much for doing this, it's truly amazing and I am thrilled beyond telling to be able to read it. :-D