sometimes you just have to walk away
please step on my toes some more erica. if i could describe her in one word i would say want. she thinks she needs but she just wants and it ends up hurting other people. thats not why i opened this journal though
so rollin reeder
so ive been thinking about what we had. what we did. how it affects me and how i dont want to admit that i wasnt ready. but was i not? i think i was. i think i was ready to put myself out there and i dont regret the consequences. i dont regret having some fun with a boyfriend, and then losing both of those.. well i didnt lose much really, just a part of my innocence.
well all of my innocence. but who believes that anyway. children arent so innocent. theyre just naive.
i hated being naive.
now it feels better. to understand. to know.
with mike last night. we talked about it briefly. like were not going to anytime soon, thats not why. i just wanted to know. and for some reason i think i was disappointed when he said we were on the same playing field. i think i wanted to shock him.
i like to shock people
im going to at sophfrosh. undoubtedly. and im going to ditch those stupid people who make me feel bad and im going to become that dream that i had last year. that girl, that keri who wasnt what they saw but so much more
i need to give up these ideals. look at me. i want everyone to like me and everything i do. when i talked to missy today and she said im being honest, i thought she was going to tell me another thing she doesnt like about me. speaking of that, i need to stop those outbreaks, specifically in lit. i need to ask mr. d'angelo about that math test, i need to learn french. i need to read the AP book and check out those ap student outlines and try to make some like that. i need to do 2 of those essays/outline 3 tomorrow. always ask for more so you dont stagnate. there is nothing worse than wasting. there is too much of that.
aunt kathy gave me her money. like she made me take it. the reason she has so many problems, money. money is becoming life for people. its gross. thats why i want to move to italy. because i will not care about money, i will travel to tourist places regularly and make sure they have recycling bins and i will clean up the trash and clean the oceans and save the world secretly.
except i hate those secrets. my secrets. i want people to know. because if you know me, you cant dislike me. its true. there are very few people you can truly dislike if you know so much about them... but you have to know that much about yourself too otherwise you will judge that other person. judge yourself. not from the outside, judge from the inside. what you think is what truly matters, but you need to see inside of yourself from other perspectives. you need to take yourself outside before you look in.
i speak more than i know
i miss joni and caroline
i miss laura and alex. am i the only person who is still the same inside, the only one trying to keep those mistakes. they arent mistakes, they were bad decisions that led me to where i am in life and that is in no way a bad place. i dont ultimately matter in life, my decisions should benefit others. it doesnt mean i will let erica jackey preside over the grade, her perspective is far too limited. instead, it means i will do the best job as president to serve the common grade, not only the upper class. oh those girls who live in a box. an elaborate box. they are trapped on the inside, looking out. they only see what is good about their dwelling, they dont ponder the other sides
i have felt those sides. i have lived a life with a thousand friends and with none but my own self. i have suffered disease and discomfort, and i have triumphed in health. i can soar, or i can cling to a rock, knowing that last finger will fail and i will again fall. to catch or be caught, that is the question...
to be or not to be. to look inside to find me, or to look outward. to classify by what i am, or what i am not.
so rollin reeder
so ive been thinking about what we had. what we did. how it affects me and how i dont want to admit that i wasnt ready. but was i not? i think i was. i think i was ready to put myself out there and i dont regret the consequences. i dont regret having some fun with a boyfriend, and then losing both of those.. well i didnt lose much really, just a part of my innocence.
well all of my innocence. but who believes that anyway. children arent so innocent. theyre just naive.
i hated being naive.
now it feels better. to understand. to know.
with mike last night. we talked about it briefly. like were not going to anytime soon, thats not why. i just wanted to know. and for some reason i think i was disappointed when he said we were on the same playing field. i think i wanted to shock him.
i like to shock people
im going to at sophfrosh. undoubtedly. and im going to ditch those stupid people who make me feel bad and im going to become that dream that i had last year. that girl, that keri who wasnt what they saw but so much more
i need to give up these ideals. look at me. i want everyone to like me and everything i do. when i talked to missy today and she said im being honest, i thought she was going to tell me another thing she doesnt like about me. speaking of that, i need to stop those outbreaks, specifically in lit. i need to ask mr. d'angelo about that math test, i need to learn french. i need to read the AP book and check out those ap student outlines and try to make some like that. i need to do 2 of those essays/outline 3 tomorrow. always ask for more so you dont stagnate. there is nothing worse than wasting. there is too much of that.
aunt kathy gave me her money. like she made me take it. the reason she has so many problems, money. money is becoming life for people. its gross. thats why i want to move to italy. because i will not care about money, i will travel to tourist places regularly and make sure they have recycling bins and i will clean up the trash and clean the oceans and save the world secretly.
except i hate those secrets. my secrets. i want people to know. because if you know me, you cant dislike me. its true. there are very few people you can truly dislike if you know so much about them... but you have to know that much about yourself too otherwise you will judge that other person. judge yourself. not from the outside, judge from the inside. what you think is what truly matters, but you need to see inside of yourself from other perspectives. you need to take yourself outside before you look in.
i speak more than i know
i miss joni and caroline
i miss laura and alex. am i the only person who is still the same inside, the only one trying to keep those mistakes. they arent mistakes, they were bad decisions that led me to where i am in life and that is in no way a bad place. i dont ultimately matter in life, my decisions should benefit others. it doesnt mean i will let erica jackey preside over the grade, her perspective is far too limited. instead, it means i will do the best job as president to serve the common grade, not only the upper class. oh those girls who live in a box. an elaborate box. they are trapped on the inside, looking out. they only see what is good about their dwelling, they dont ponder the other sides
i have felt those sides. i have lived a life with a thousand friends and with none but my own self. i have suffered disease and discomfort, and i have triumphed in health. i can soar, or i can cling to a rock, knowing that last finger will fail and i will again fall. to catch or be caught, that is the question...
to be or not to be. to look inside to find me, or to look outward. to classify by what i am, or what i am not.