warning: long post is long
I appreciated reading the comments to my last entry re: nighttime fears, especially hearing that others experience similar things. It made me feel less alone and less pathetic.
How I ended up resolving it was similar to the way I psych myself up for painful experiences like childbirth and dental work. That, if it happened, it would be scary, it would be painful, it would be intense, but it would be transitory regardless; there would be a limit.
My only remaining worry regarding that would be that if it did happen I would lose control of my reactions and do something like toss a heavy/sharp object at the prankster. There's just no way to know whether my reaction would be fight or flight; if I felt cornered (like if I was penned into a room) I know myself well enough to know that I would probably start screaming and throwing every object that came to hand. However, I also know that this would be pretty much involuntary (when I am that scared, my conscious brain shuts down) and I would not hold myself morally culpable if I injured the prankster.
So if you are thinking of pranking me in this method, it's probably not a good idea on many levels.
---
Today was exhausting, because of two unexpected snags.
The first is that Pippa's eye appointment went way long, because the doctor needed to give her eye drops to check her prescription. As it turns out, she needs bifocals, not regular lenses, for her accommodative esotropia. Here is a good website with FAQ about the condition and why some kids need bifocals to treat it, and this one is also very good, with good before/after pictures.
Our warranty for the glasses includes one prescription change, however, bifocals are more expensive than regular lenses to a substantial degree. If we wanted to keep her in Transitions lenses, it would cost an extra $200 out of pocket. Simply changing her to regular bifocals with the basic scratch coating will cost an extra $40 (that is, $40 more than the Transitions single vision lens). As much as we liked the built-in sunglasses effect of Transitions, it's just not worth that extra cost to us, especially since her prescription may change again.
For the most part in BC (and I think in the rest of Canada?), vision is not covered by government health care (for children, the eye exam itself is, but not the lenses or contacts or whatever). The Husband's work has some vision subsidy but it is only $150/year/child (which was about half of the initial cost of the glasses). I am concerned about the expense of this if her prescription changes frequently. The FAQ webpage says that prescriptions for esotropia change frequently.
Now that we've changed her prescription once, that's it for the year, so if her prescription changed again, we would need to pay the full $300 for new basic bifocal lenses. That could get expensive quickly. I might need to ask around if there are any programs designed to help people with needs of this kind. We can absorb the extra $40 pretty easily, but an extra $600/year would be very hard.
More concerning is that the doctor said that if the esotropia persists with bifocals, she will need surgery.
:(
The good news, at least, is that while her esotropia condition has "deteriorated" (the word the doctor used, and not a word a mother likes to hear!), her visual acuity is fine, ie, she's not going blind, and she doesn't need an eyepatch.
A further bit of good news, which I didn't know before, is that in this kind of esotropia and farsightedness, if it's controlled well, the child frequently stops needing to wear glasses at all by early teenage years.
Edit: A further further good thing is that this has been, in a weird way, a sop to my confidence in my mothering skills. I was the one who pushed for Pippa to get an eye appointment when her doctor was initially reluctant; I was the one who pushed this time for the soonest available appointment with the ophthalmologist, and both times I was proved right. So this has made me more determined to be bold about being an advocate for my child.
Anyway, all of that meant that Pippa had to suffer the eye drops of pain and burning, and then we had to have an impromptu lunch at the hospital's cafe, and then spend a bunch of time at the optician getting down the details for the bifocals. Which meant that her nap was pretty much missed (she only slept about 20 minutes in the carrier).
---
The second bit of complication, as if that wasn't enough for one day, was regarding Little Boy. I was watching him today, but because I had to deal with Pip, The Husband took him (this was when we thought the eye appt would only be 30 min). When I called The Husband to tell him it was going to be a much more major undertaking, The Husband ran into serious traffic issues, and between one thing and another, we didn't meet up until almost two.
LB's dad had told us that he was going to be about an hour late today due to an appointment, so we were prepared for that, and he was supposed to call us when he was ready to leave. But the time crept by and he didn't call or text. So we texted him. No answer. We waited a while and texted again. Still no answer, and because it was an iPhone to iPhone conversation, we could tell the message hadn't even been read. We called. It went straight to voice mail. We started to get really concerned, and LB was getting towards meltdown. Moreover, LB is allergic to chicken, and I had chicken in the crockpot as our dinner (because he wasn't supposed to be here for dinner).
Just as I was trying to figure out what I was going to feed this child (because it was nearly 5pm), LB's dad rang up, VERY apologetic, and explained what happened. It was fine and not his fault, but it definitely added an extra layer of stress to the day.
So it's no wonder that Pippa fell asleep at like 7:45pm, which is a good hour sooner than usual.
I'm wondering how it's going to be for ME to fall asleep tonight, because at the hospital I drank a latte and then at the Vietnamese place we went after I drank an iced coffee. Since I don't usually drink coffee this is a lot of caffeine for me. When I talked to my dad over Skype at dinner, he said I was acting like I had drunk a gallon.
I got a LOT of exercise today too. It's a two mile walk to the hospital, and I walked both ways, plus I went to the playground with the kids and was climbing on the equipment with them.
So I'm tired but wired.
We'll see what happens I guess.
How I ended up resolving it was similar to the way I psych myself up for painful experiences like childbirth and dental work. That, if it happened, it would be scary, it would be painful, it would be intense, but it would be transitory regardless; there would be a limit.
My only remaining worry regarding that would be that if it did happen I would lose control of my reactions and do something like toss a heavy/sharp object at the prankster. There's just no way to know whether my reaction would be fight or flight; if I felt cornered (like if I was penned into a room) I know myself well enough to know that I would probably start screaming and throwing every object that came to hand. However, I also know that this would be pretty much involuntary (when I am that scared, my conscious brain shuts down) and I would not hold myself morally culpable if I injured the prankster.
So if you are thinking of pranking me in this method, it's probably not a good idea on many levels.
---
Today was exhausting, because of two unexpected snags.
The first is that Pippa's eye appointment went way long, because the doctor needed to give her eye drops to check her prescription. As it turns out, she needs bifocals, not regular lenses, for her accommodative esotropia. Here is a good website with FAQ about the condition and why some kids need bifocals to treat it, and this one is also very good, with good before/after pictures.
Our warranty for the glasses includes one prescription change, however, bifocals are more expensive than regular lenses to a substantial degree. If we wanted to keep her in Transitions lenses, it would cost an extra $200 out of pocket. Simply changing her to regular bifocals with the basic scratch coating will cost an extra $40 (that is, $40 more than the Transitions single vision lens). As much as we liked the built-in sunglasses effect of Transitions, it's just not worth that extra cost to us, especially since her prescription may change again.
For the most part in BC (and I think in the rest of Canada?), vision is not covered by government health care (for children, the eye exam itself is, but not the lenses or contacts or whatever). The Husband's work has some vision subsidy but it is only $150/year/child (which was about half of the initial cost of the glasses). I am concerned about the expense of this if her prescription changes frequently. The FAQ webpage says that prescriptions for esotropia change frequently.
Now that we've changed her prescription once, that's it for the year, so if her prescription changed again, we would need to pay the full $300 for new basic bifocal lenses. That could get expensive quickly. I might need to ask around if there are any programs designed to help people with needs of this kind. We can absorb the extra $40 pretty easily, but an extra $600/year would be very hard.
More concerning is that the doctor said that if the esotropia persists with bifocals, she will need surgery.
:(
The good news, at least, is that while her esotropia condition has "deteriorated" (the word the doctor used, and not a word a mother likes to hear!), her visual acuity is fine, ie, she's not going blind, and she doesn't need an eyepatch.
A further bit of good news, which I didn't know before, is that in this kind of esotropia and farsightedness, if it's controlled well, the child frequently stops needing to wear glasses at all by early teenage years.
Edit: A further further good thing is that this has been, in a weird way, a sop to my confidence in my mothering skills. I was the one who pushed for Pippa to get an eye appointment when her doctor was initially reluctant; I was the one who pushed this time for the soonest available appointment with the ophthalmologist, and both times I was proved right. So this has made me more determined to be bold about being an advocate for my child.
Anyway, all of that meant that Pippa had to suffer the eye drops of pain and burning, and then we had to have an impromptu lunch at the hospital's cafe, and then spend a bunch of time at the optician getting down the details for the bifocals. Which meant that her nap was pretty much missed (she only slept about 20 minutes in the carrier).
---
The second bit of complication, as if that wasn't enough for one day, was regarding Little Boy. I was watching him today, but because I had to deal with Pip, The Husband took him (this was when we thought the eye appt would only be 30 min). When I called The Husband to tell him it was going to be a much more major undertaking, The Husband ran into serious traffic issues, and between one thing and another, we didn't meet up until almost two.
LB's dad had told us that he was going to be about an hour late today due to an appointment, so we were prepared for that, and he was supposed to call us when he was ready to leave. But the time crept by and he didn't call or text. So we texted him. No answer. We waited a while and texted again. Still no answer, and because it was an iPhone to iPhone conversation, we could tell the message hadn't even been read. We called. It went straight to voice mail. We started to get really concerned, and LB was getting towards meltdown. Moreover, LB is allergic to chicken, and I had chicken in the crockpot as our dinner (because he wasn't supposed to be here for dinner).
Just as I was trying to figure out what I was going to feed this child (because it was nearly 5pm), LB's dad rang up, VERY apologetic, and explained what happened. It was fine and not his fault, but it definitely added an extra layer of stress to the day.
So it's no wonder that Pippa fell asleep at like 7:45pm, which is a good hour sooner than usual.
I'm wondering how it's going to be for ME to fall asleep tonight, because at the hospital I drank a latte and then at the Vietnamese place we went after I drank an iced coffee. Since I don't usually drink coffee this is a lot of caffeine for me. When I talked to my dad over Skype at dinner, he said I was acting like I had drunk a gallon.
I got a LOT of exercise today too. It's a two mile walk to the hospital, and I walked both ways, plus I went to the playground with the kids and was climbing on the equipment with them.
So I'm tired but wired.
We'll see what happens I guess.