success is just failure rounded up
Today Pip was playing with her current favorite toy, a ball. She threw the ball but it bounced off a table leg and came back to just next to her feet. But she didn't see it come back and was looking where it ought to have rolled if it hadn't hit the leg. She walked over there, looked around, came back to where she had thrown it from and looked at me signing WHERE BALL and asking "Ball?"
"It's right there," I said, pointing. I was pointing right at it (ie at her feet), but she kept turning around and looking over her shoulder as if I was pointing behind her.
After a minute or so of trying to tell her where it was, even pushing another toy to touch the ball (I didn't want to get up from my seat, yes I'm a lazy mom), she I guess gave up and started walking, and walked right over the ball, kicking it under the playpen.
She did notice it then and saw it roll, but turned back to me and signed WHERE BALL again.
"Under the playpen," I said.
Give her credit, she lifted up the skirt of the playpen and looked under, but I guess it was too dark to see under there, so I had to get up and move the playpen.
She then grabbed the ball, held it up in the air, and triumphantly announced "I DID IT!"
Oh sweetie.
---
Tonight I tried taking a much more laid-back, low-key approach to the whole bedtime dealio. I split dinner (which was just leftovers anyway) into two parts, having the second part at 7:30pm (during which we chatted with my parents over Skype). Leisurely bath sometime after 8pm, and then we read books from about 8:30 to 8:45pm. Then I let her play quietly until she came to me and signed SLEEP. Potty stop, then she spent about ten minutes looking at the photostream on my iPad while I tried to figure out why the fan wasn't working. Fan fixed, we nursed for about ten minutes and I let her go until she was almost asleep, then transferred her to her crib and sang her lullabies until she drifted off. Now it's 9:20 and I was able to leave the room the first time with no trouble, and instead of tears and frustration on both sides, it was just a really nice evening, and this is despite a fairly stressful day.
Maybe I should just accept that right now she wants a later bedtime. I don't know what to do about naps though. She seems to be pushing for a later naptime (she fell asleep at 3:30 today) as well, but that's much less convenient for my life.
---
One of my male friends on Facebook made a post complaining about the age-old topic of wives asking their husbands how they look, saying that he wanted an Admiral Akbar "it's a trap" alarm to go off when this occurred. Earlier he had made a status saying "don't ask questions you don't want the answer to" so obviously something had Gone Down.
I made the following response:
I don't know about [your wife], but when I ask my husband that question, I'm looking for three things: honest appraisal of the outfit, reassurance that he finds me attractive even if the outfit doesn't look good, and reassurance that my husband is noticing me. "You look fine" without looking fails all three and is the biggest mistake most men make.
I didn't mention it on Facebook, because I didn't want to be all "haha my husband is better than you", but Gordon is actually pretty good at this one. He says it's because I can hear "Yeah, that looks too tight" without freaking out, but I think I can take it well because the way he says it passes all three tests.
On the flip side, I think women (and I include myself as needing to do this better) need to understand sometimes that if the man is not as interested in fashion as she is (the usual situation), it's unrealistic to expect him to be able to critique her outfit in an expert manner. That is, wanting something like "I think that dress's asymmetrical hemline accentuates the curves of your pregnancy in a way that is both chic and feminine" is asking too much. You have to learn to accept the untutored, inexpert but heartfelt "That looks great!" or "I don't think it suits you" for what they are. And don't forget to accept non-verbal communication of his opinion. The Husband often says a lot more with his expression and action than with his words, regarding outfits.
It's just like when Gordon asks me his opinion of a piece his choir sings. I don't know much at all about chant or polyphony or singing in general. If I respond flippantly without taking time to think about "You sounded fine", he's going to be hurt. But even though I don't know much about music, I can express my opinion honestly and in a way that also says "I love you. I notice you."
"It's right there," I said, pointing. I was pointing right at it (ie at her feet), but she kept turning around and looking over her shoulder as if I was pointing behind her.
After a minute or so of trying to tell her where it was, even pushing another toy to touch the ball (I didn't want to get up from my seat, yes I'm a lazy mom), she I guess gave up and started walking, and walked right over the ball, kicking it under the playpen.
She did notice it then and saw it roll, but turned back to me and signed WHERE BALL again.
"Under the playpen," I said.
Give her credit, she lifted up the skirt of the playpen and looked under, but I guess it was too dark to see under there, so I had to get up and move the playpen.
She then grabbed the ball, held it up in the air, and triumphantly announced "I DID IT!"
Oh sweetie.
---
Tonight I tried taking a much more laid-back, low-key approach to the whole bedtime dealio. I split dinner (which was just leftovers anyway) into two parts, having the second part at 7:30pm (during which we chatted with my parents over Skype). Leisurely bath sometime after 8pm, and then we read books from about 8:30 to 8:45pm. Then I let her play quietly until she came to me and signed SLEEP. Potty stop, then she spent about ten minutes looking at the photostream on my iPad while I tried to figure out why the fan wasn't working. Fan fixed, we nursed for about ten minutes and I let her go until she was almost asleep, then transferred her to her crib and sang her lullabies until she drifted off. Now it's 9:20 and I was able to leave the room the first time with no trouble, and instead of tears and frustration on both sides, it was just a really nice evening, and this is despite a fairly stressful day.
Maybe I should just accept that right now she wants a later bedtime. I don't know what to do about naps though. She seems to be pushing for a later naptime (she fell asleep at 3:30 today) as well, but that's much less convenient for my life.
---
One of my male friends on Facebook made a post complaining about the age-old topic of wives asking their husbands how they look, saying that he wanted an Admiral Akbar "it's a trap" alarm to go off when this occurred. Earlier he had made a status saying "don't ask questions you don't want the answer to" so obviously something had Gone Down.
I made the following response:
I don't know about [your wife], but when I ask my husband that question, I'm looking for three things: honest appraisal of the outfit, reassurance that he finds me attractive even if the outfit doesn't look good, and reassurance that my husband is noticing me. "You look fine" without looking fails all three and is the biggest mistake most men make.
I didn't mention it on Facebook, because I didn't want to be all "haha my husband is better than you", but Gordon is actually pretty good at this one. He says it's because I can hear "Yeah, that looks too tight" without freaking out, but I think I can take it well because the way he says it passes all three tests.
On the flip side, I think women (and I include myself as needing to do this better) need to understand sometimes that if the man is not as interested in fashion as she is (the usual situation), it's unrealistic to expect him to be able to critique her outfit in an expert manner. That is, wanting something like "I think that dress's asymmetrical hemline accentuates the curves of your pregnancy in a way that is both chic and feminine" is asking too much. You have to learn to accept the untutored, inexpert but heartfelt "That looks great!" or "I don't think it suits you" for what they are. And don't forget to accept non-verbal communication of his opinion. The Husband often says a lot more with his expression and action than with his words, regarding outfits.
It's just like when Gordon asks me his opinion of a piece his choir sings. I don't know much at all about chant or polyphony or singing in general. If I respond flippantly without taking time to think about "You sounded fine", he's going to be hurt. But even though I don't know much about music, I can express my opinion honestly and in a way that also says "I love you. I notice you."