SAHMs and the tangible
I feel like I only get good ideas in situations where I can't even jot down a note to remind me about it later: namely, lying in bed trying to sleep, showering, and in Mass.
I've been reading, and some of my friends like Mary have posted about, lately, being personally fulfilled as a housewife/stay-at-home mom/domestic entrepreneur.
Let's kill the whole "staying at home isn't work" issue off the bat.
There's an easy way to know whether what you do is work.
If you wanted someone else to do the task for you, would you in general need to pay them? If so, it's work. Even if it's pleasant and you enjoy it!
Now if you're a "real housewives of whatever" socialite and your day consists of shopping, dining in restaurants, yelling at the nanny and maid, etc, no, that isn't work. Most people would do that for free.
However that doesn't describe 99% of SAHMs. If you want maid service, meal preparation, or childcare, you need to pay for them. Stay-at-home-mothering is composed of things for which one would be paid.
The catch is that most of the people who are paid to do these tasks aren't paid well. Therein the rub: it's real work, but it's not prestigious work.
[Aside: There's a common work-outside-the-home mom complaint that they do everything SAHMs do, only squeezed into the hours they're not at work (and therefore SAHMs should STFU about anything difficult in their lives), but I think it doesn't hold water. At the very least, any working mom has got somebody else watching her kid while she's at work. So child-care during the working hours is something that SAHMs are doing that working mothers are paying (either with money or with social capital) someone else to do.]
Being a SAHM currently has a bit of status to it, in the sense of seeming to many people like a luxury in these days where dual incomes are the new normal, the baseline. But the work itself, the lived experience of it, can easily feel like drudgery. The bulk of what you do--laundry, cooking, tidying, putting on diapers etc--is undone before your eyes. Sometimes before you've even able to finish doing it! It can easily begin to seem futile.
The most satisfying aspects of being a SAHM (ie the kids and the wonderful things they do) aren't concrete. They're in the memory.
We all have an urge within us to be able to say, I was here. I mattered. I did this.
Sure, you can say that the important work of being a SAHM is creating a soul and that's all very inspiring and flowery up to a point, but moms (and dads) who work outside the home would vehemently argue that their kids' souls[/psyches/minds] are turning out ok too. Even if SAHMs feel strongly that children benefit from a mother at home, it's hard not to at least doubt that sometimes.
I think that's why a lot of SAHMs, now and historically, have also turned to things like crafting, home decorating, and now blogging. What ho, existential malaise: check out this flower arrangement I created during naptime!
The flower arrangement lasts longer than the dishes stay clean, and the photograph of it can conceivably last beyond the lifespan of everyone involved.
This is something I feel is lacking in my own life, but I'm not sure how to rectify it at present. Blogging is definitely an outlet, but I feel the need for something tangible. Unfortunately I've become a miser towards any money spent on myself. You may remember back around American Thanksgiving I mentioned that I needed to buy dress shoes. I still have not bought any, and the ones I have now have started to let the rain in, the situation is that dire. Our financial situation is not that bad that I have to walk to church with wet feet, but I can't seem to get my wallet out of my purse anymore if the person being spent money on is me.
If I can't even buy myself new shoes, I don't know how I'll get myself hobby supplies, unless I can trick myself into thinking that said hobby is going to benefit others more than myself. I'm keen to take up canning and I think that might sneak by this mental block, since canning can save a lot of money.
I've been reading, and some of my friends like Mary have posted about, lately, being personally fulfilled as a housewife/stay-at-home mom/domestic entrepreneur.
Let's kill the whole "staying at home isn't work" issue off the bat.
There's an easy way to know whether what you do is work.
If you wanted someone else to do the task for you, would you in general need to pay them? If so, it's work. Even if it's pleasant and you enjoy it!
Now if you're a "real housewives of whatever" socialite and your day consists of shopping, dining in restaurants, yelling at the nanny and maid, etc, no, that isn't work. Most people would do that for free.
However that doesn't describe 99% of SAHMs. If you want maid service, meal preparation, or childcare, you need to pay for them. Stay-at-home-mothering is composed of things for which one would be paid.
The catch is that most of the people who are paid to do these tasks aren't paid well. Therein the rub: it's real work, but it's not prestigious work.
[Aside: There's a common work-outside-the-home mom complaint that they do everything SAHMs do, only squeezed into the hours they're not at work (and therefore SAHMs should STFU about anything difficult in their lives), but I think it doesn't hold water. At the very least, any working mom has got somebody else watching her kid while she's at work. So child-care during the working hours is something that SAHMs are doing that working mothers are paying (either with money or with social capital) someone else to do.]
Being a SAHM currently has a bit of status to it, in the sense of seeming to many people like a luxury in these days where dual incomes are the new normal, the baseline. But the work itself, the lived experience of it, can easily feel like drudgery. The bulk of what you do--laundry, cooking, tidying, putting on diapers etc--is undone before your eyes. Sometimes before you've even able to finish doing it! It can easily begin to seem futile.
The most satisfying aspects of being a SAHM (ie the kids and the wonderful things they do) aren't concrete. They're in the memory.
We all have an urge within us to be able to say, I was here. I mattered. I did this.
Sure, you can say that the important work of being a SAHM is creating a soul and that's all very inspiring and flowery up to a point, but moms (and dads) who work outside the home would vehemently argue that their kids' souls[/psyches/minds] are turning out ok too. Even if SAHMs feel strongly that children benefit from a mother at home, it's hard not to at least doubt that sometimes.
I think that's why a lot of SAHMs, now and historically, have also turned to things like crafting, home decorating, and now blogging. What ho, existential malaise: check out this flower arrangement I created during naptime!
The flower arrangement lasts longer than the dishes stay clean, and the photograph of it can conceivably last beyond the lifespan of everyone involved.
This is something I feel is lacking in my own life, but I'm not sure how to rectify it at present. Blogging is definitely an outlet, but I feel the need for something tangible. Unfortunately I've become a miser towards any money spent on myself. You may remember back around American Thanksgiving I mentioned that I needed to buy dress shoes. I still have not bought any, and the ones I have now have started to let the rain in, the situation is that dire. Our financial situation is not that bad that I have to walk to church with wet feet, but I can't seem to get my wallet out of my purse anymore if the person being spent money on is me.
If I can't even buy myself new shoes, I don't know how I'll get myself hobby supplies, unless I can trick myself into thinking that said hobby is going to benefit others more than myself. I'm keen to take up canning and I think that might sneak by this mental block, since canning can save a lot of money.