My Life as a Cullenist: Mission Briefing, Day 1, Cullenist Basics
All people will be called the names of Pokemon to protect their identities.
I will refer to myself as "Jolteon" because that's how I roll.
Mission Objective: To infiltrate the faux religion known as "Cullenism" (a worship of the Cullen vampire family in the Twilight series.) This investigation will determine whether Cullenism is an elaborate joke or a real religion in the making. If the former, it will simply be a goldmine of lulz. If the latter, then they will still be a goldmine of lulz, but one that warrants concern.
Mission Length: One (1) week minimum. If possible, Jolteon will continue the charade.
Jolteon does not wish to mock Cullenism until the completion of the investigation. This investigation serves as education on Cullenist behavior.
Jolteon will not post inflammatory, offensive, or "troll-like" messages for that would jeopardize the mission. All members considering trolling are asked to refrain from such activity.
----------------------------
CULLENIST BASICS
Obtained from forum posts.
"Good morning, Sisters and Brothers. I may be slightly tardy (thank you all for your patience and forgiveness of me) but here it is. The whole kit n kaboodle. I have left some of the original tenets in place from Felicia from the creation of the thread. But, much is updated, as well . Enjoy.
Holy Text: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, The Blessed Encyclicals of Stephenie Meyer (aka TwiLex PCs). True believers always have at least one holy book with them at all times.
Pillars of Cullenism:
1) Vampires and shape-shifters and other mythical creatures are real and walk amongst us every day.
2) The Cullen family are leaders in an enlightened community where humans and mythical creatures of all kinds can coexist peacefully.
3) As humans in the know, we are honor bound to protect the secrets of the mythical creatures we revere.
4) Stephenie Meyer is the most wise of sages and story tellers. Through her wisdom, she has gifted us with the stories of the Cullens, which we hold as Blessed Text and High Truth.
5) If one leads a good life, he or she may be blessed with eternity with the Cullens. If one leads an evil life, than they are are left to a mortal death. The truly evil may meet that death in a painful and dismembering way through chance encounters with Nomads.
Our Blessed Ones:
Carlise Cullen~ our high leader. Revered for his compassion, wisdom, and understanding.
Stephenie Meyer~ our sage. Revered for her dedication for sharing the truth and telling us our stories.
Edward Anthony Masen Cullen~ our brother and teacher. Revered for his strength of will and unbounded love.
Isabella Marie Swan Cullen~ our sister and teacher. Revered for her open heart and acceptance of all.
Renesmee Carlie Cullen~ our faith sister. Honored for her gift of bringing enemies to a common ground, and also as a bridge between our two worlds.
Esme Anne Platt Evenson Cullen~ our faith mother. Revered for her nurturing love and fierce mothering.
Mary Alice Brandon Cullen~ our faith sister. Revered for her vision and unbridled joy in life.
Jasper Whitlock Hale~ our faith brother. Revered for his calming influence and protectiveness.
Rosalie Lillian Hale~ our faith sister. Revered for her tenacity and beauty.
Emmett McCarty Cullen~ our faith brother. Revered for his strength and enthusiasm.
Other Revered Figures:
Jacob Black~ our protector and liason to the wolves. Honored for his dedication to the family.
The Denalis; Kate, Tanya, Eleazar and Carmen~ our extended family. Honored for their reverence for human life and dedication to the compassionate vampire life.
Holy Day: Saturday. Cullenists do not attend formal worship services. In stead we honor the day by reciting our high prayer first thing in the morning and by reading from the holy text at least once during the day. We then recite the high prayer before turning in for the evening.
High Prayer:(Many thanks to SlightlyObsessed. In all my musings, I could not come up with anything better. I tweaked a little. I hope you do not mind. )
In the Cullen name, I pray that my faith endure.
I pray to Jasper, patron saint of emotion, to grant me serenity, peace and contentment.
I pray to Emmett, patron saint of strength & dedication, for protection against mine enemies.
I ask Esme, patron saint of kindness & nurturing, to take my woes and give me comfort.
I pray to Alice & Rosalie, patronesses of truth and beauty, to grant me knowledge, understanding and good fortune.
I pray to Bella, patron saint of acceptance, to grant my heart be open and understanding of all.
I pray to Edward, patron saint of love, that he may shine his eternal love upon me.
And, to the most high Carlisle, I ask that he bless me with wisdom, self-control and the ability to know the difference between right and wrong and to always choose the right.
I ask all these in Stephenie Meyer's name.
Blessed Symbol:
The Cullen Crest~ Believers can display the holy sign in whatever form they deem appropriate for them.
Sacraments:
Sacrament of First Reading~ The first step toward accepting Cullenism. A believer must complete a full reading of all four novels.
Sacrament of Deeper Understanding~ Through a thorough reading of the Blessed Encyclicals of Stephenie Meyer, a believer answers their own questions about the unwritten truthes in the saga.
Sacrament of Declaration~ Every Cullenist must affirm their true faith through a public recitation of the following prayer:
I am a Cullenist. With faith and love, I honor the sage Stephenie Meyer, praising her for her gift of
knowledge. I honor Carlisle, our leader, praising him for his compassion and patience. I honor Edward, our
brother and teacher. I praise him for his love and strength of will. I honor Bella, our sister and teacher. I
praise her for her love and open heart. I honor our other teachers; Esme for her fierce love, Alice
for her vision and joy, Jasper for his serenity and loyalty, Rosalie for her tenacity, and Emmett for his
strength and ease of heart. I am a Cullenist.
Sacrament of Home Pilgramage~ Every Cullenist, at least once in their lifetime, must make a pilgrimage to our most holy city of Forks, Washington.
Sacrament of Love Pilgrimage~ Cullenists who marry or take a mate can choose to have their love blessed through a pilgrimage to our second high city, Isle Esme.
Calendar of Days of Honor:
January 18th~ Meeting Day; The day Bella and Edward first meet.
March 6th~ Legend Day; The day Jacob shares the Quilleute legends with Bella.
March 12th~ Day of the Wolves; The day Jacob confirms for Bella the existence of shapeshifters and that he is in fact a werewolf (of sorts )
March 13th~ Meadow Day; The day Edward takes Bella to his secret and beautiful meadow, declaring his feelings and wishes for their future together. It is also the day he decides he can, in fact, be with her without killing her. In Cullenism, this is our equivalent of Valentine's Day to the rest of the world.
March 22nd~ Salvation Day; The day Bella and Alice save Edward from dying by his own hand and from the Volturi in Italy.
June 14th~ Day of Rings; The day Edward officially proposes to Bella and she accepts. (The only reason this is considered a less luck day to get engaged is because of Bella's hesitance to actually do so. That's why we consider the Festival of Edward & Bella a luckier day; that day she actually realizes how much she wants to marry him. Silly girl.)
June 20th~ Edward's Feast; Edward's birthday.
August 13th~ Festival of Edward & Bella; The wedding day. In Cullenism, this is the best day to get engaged or married, considered the luckiest.
September 10th~ Renesmee's Feast; Renesmee's birthday. In Cullenism, this is also a day we celebrate future possibilities, honoring the whole new world of futures that Renesmee opened with her arrival.
September 13th~ Bella's Feast/Day of New Life ; Bella's birthday. In Cullenism, this is also a day we celebrate transformation and change; kind of like our Spring Equinox. We honor new life and new possibilities.
September 16th~ Leaving Day; The day Edward leaves Bella to save her from himself (stupid boy). In Cullenism, this is our day of atonement, assuaging our grief by making up for past wrongs.
December 29th~ Confrontation Day; The day of the final (?) battle between the Cullens and their allies and the Volturi.
** The calendar was determined through careful examination of our holy texts. If anyone can show reason why my calculations might be incorrect, please feel free to correct me. After all, high priestesses aren't perfect.
I tossed back and forth about including prayers for each high day. I decided against it as it would make this post just astronomically long and probably lead the mods to defrock me. I have spent an absurd amount of time putting way too much thought into this. If there is anything I left out, it was unintentional and I probably have it in my journal somewhere. Just ask. Enjoy, mark your calendars, say prayers, bask in the faith.
Now that we are through March, our next high day isn't until June 14th, Day of Rings. But,that doesn't let us off the hook in anyway.
Carlisle's Blessings Upon You All."
-----------------------------
DAY 1
Jolteon is still awaiting validation for the fansite that has been chosen for the investigation. (Which will be referred to as "Fansite.com" or "Fansite" from here on out) Clearly this is seen as a preventive measure to prevent an internet pest known as "ogrus pestis" (The Common Troll.)
In reality, this is day two of the investigation, but for now, the admin (now referred to as "Mewtwo") is deliberating.
Until next time.
-Jolteon
I will refer to myself as "Jolteon" because that's how I roll.
Mission Objective: To infiltrate the faux religion known as "Cullenism" (a worship of the Cullen vampire family in the Twilight series.) This investigation will determine whether Cullenism is an elaborate joke or a real religion in the making. If the former, it will simply be a goldmine of lulz. If the latter, then they will still be a goldmine of lulz, but one that warrants concern.
Mission Length: One (1) week minimum. If possible, Jolteon will continue the charade.
Jolteon does not wish to mock Cullenism until the completion of the investigation. This investigation serves as education on Cullenist behavior.
Jolteon will not post inflammatory, offensive, or "troll-like" messages for that would jeopardize the mission. All members considering trolling are asked to refrain from such activity.
----------------------------
CULLENIST BASICS
Obtained from forum posts.
"Good morning, Sisters and Brothers. I may be slightly tardy (thank you all for your patience and forgiveness of me) but here it is. The whole kit n kaboodle. I have left some of the original tenets in place from Felicia from the creation of the thread. But, much is updated, as well . Enjoy.
Holy Text: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, The Blessed Encyclicals of Stephenie Meyer (aka TwiLex PCs). True believers always have at least one holy book with them at all times.
Pillars of Cullenism:
1) Vampires and shape-shifters and other mythical creatures are real and walk amongst us every day.
2) The Cullen family are leaders in an enlightened community where humans and mythical creatures of all kinds can coexist peacefully.
3) As humans in the know, we are honor bound to protect the secrets of the mythical creatures we revere.
4) Stephenie Meyer is the most wise of sages and story tellers. Through her wisdom, she has gifted us with the stories of the Cullens, which we hold as Blessed Text and High Truth.
5) If one leads a good life, he or she may be blessed with eternity with the Cullens. If one leads an evil life, than they are are left to a mortal death. The truly evil may meet that death in a painful and dismembering way through chance encounters with Nomads.
Our Blessed Ones:
Carlise Cullen~ our high leader. Revered for his compassion, wisdom, and understanding.
Stephenie Meyer~ our sage. Revered for her dedication for sharing the truth and telling us our stories.
Edward Anthony Masen Cullen~ our brother and teacher. Revered for his strength of will and unbounded love.
Isabella Marie Swan Cullen~ our sister and teacher. Revered for her open heart and acceptance of all.
Renesmee Carlie Cullen~ our faith sister. Honored for her gift of bringing enemies to a common ground, and also as a bridge between our two worlds.
Esme Anne Platt Evenson Cullen~ our faith mother. Revered for her nurturing love and fierce mothering.
Mary Alice Brandon Cullen~ our faith sister. Revered for her vision and unbridled joy in life.
Jasper Whitlock Hale~ our faith brother. Revered for his calming influence and protectiveness.
Rosalie Lillian Hale~ our faith sister. Revered for her tenacity and beauty.
Emmett McCarty Cullen~ our faith brother. Revered for his strength and enthusiasm.
Other Revered Figures:
Jacob Black~ our protector and liason to the wolves. Honored for his dedication to the family.
The Denalis; Kate, Tanya, Eleazar and Carmen~ our extended family. Honored for their reverence for human life and dedication to the compassionate vampire life.
Holy Day: Saturday. Cullenists do not attend formal worship services. In stead we honor the day by reciting our high prayer first thing in the morning and by reading from the holy text at least once during the day. We then recite the high prayer before turning in for the evening.
High Prayer:(Many thanks to SlightlyObsessed. In all my musings, I could not come up with anything better. I tweaked a little. I hope you do not mind. )
In the Cullen name, I pray that my faith endure.
I pray to Jasper, patron saint of emotion, to grant me serenity, peace and contentment.
I pray to Emmett, patron saint of strength & dedication, for protection against mine enemies.
I ask Esme, patron saint of kindness & nurturing, to take my woes and give me comfort.
I pray to Alice & Rosalie, patronesses of truth and beauty, to grant me knowledge, understanding and good fortune.
I pray to Bella, patron saint of acceptance, to grant my heart be open and understanding of all.
I pray to Edward, patron saint of love, that he may shine his eternal love upon me.
And, to the most high Carlisle, I ask that he bless me with wisdom, self-control and the ability to know the difference between right and wrong and to always choose the right.
I ask all these in Stephenie Meyer's name.
Blessed Symbol:
The Cullen Crest~ Believers can display the holy sign in whatever form they deem appropriate for them.
Sacraments:
Sacrament of First Reading~ The first step toward accepting Cullenism. A believer must complete a full reading of all four novels.
Sacrament of Deeper Understanding~ Through a thorough reading of the Blessed Encyclicals of Stephenie Meyer, a believer answers their own questions about the unwritten truthes in the saga.
Sacrament of Declaration~ Every Cullenist must affirm their true faith through a public recitation of the following prayer:
I am a Cullenist. With faith and love, I honor the sage Stephenie Meyer, praising her for her gift of
knowledge. I honor Carlisle, our leader, praising him for his compassion and patience. I honor Edward, our
brother and teacher. I praise him for his love and strength of will. I honor Bella, our sister and teacher. I
praise her for her love and open heart. I honor our other teachers; Esme for her fierce love, Alice
for her vision and joy, Jasper for his serenity and loyalty, Rosalie for her tenacity, and Emmett for his
strength and ease of heart. I am a Cullenist.
Sacrament of Home Pilgramage~ Every Cullenist, at least once in their lifetime, must make a pilgrimage to our most holy city of Forks, Washington.
Sacrament of Love Pilgrimage~ Cullenists who marry or take a mate can choose to have their love blessed through a pilgrimage to our second high city, Isle Esme.
Calendar of Days of Honor:
January 18th~ Meeting Day; The day Bella and Edward first meet.
March 6th~ Legend Day; The day Jacob shares the Quilleute legends with Bella.
March 12th~ Day of the Wolves; The day Jacob confirms for Bella the existence of shapeshifters and that he is in fact a werewolf (of sorts )
March 13th~ Meadow Day; The day Edward takes Bella to his secret and beautiful meadow, declaring his feelings and wishes for their future together. It is also the day he decides he can, in fact, be with her without killing her. In Cullenism, this is our equivalent of Valentine's Day to the rest of the world.
March 22nd~ Salvation Day; The day Bella and Alice save Edward from dying by his own hand and from the Volturi in Italy.
June 14th~ Day of Rings; The day Edward officially proposes to Bella and she accepts. (The only reason this is considered a less luck day to get engaged is because of Bella's hesitance to actually do so. That's why we consider the Festival of Edward & Bella a luckier day; that day she actually realizes how much she wants to marry him. Silly girl.)
June 20th~ Edward's Feast; Edward's birthday.
August 13th~ Festival of Edward & Bella; The wedding day. In Cullenism, this is the best day to get engaged or married, considered the luckiest.
September 10th~ Renesmee's Feast; Renesmee's birthday. In Cullenism, this is also a day we celebrate future possibilities, honoring the whole new world of futures that Renesmee opened with her arrival.
September 13th~ Bella's Feast/Day of New Life ; Bella's birthday. In Cullenism, this is also a day we celebrate transformation and change; kind of like our Spring Equinox. We honor new life and new possibilities.
September 16th~ Leaving Day; The day Edward leaves Bella to save her from himself (stupid boy). In Cullenism, this is our day of atonement, assuaging our grief by making up for past wrongs.
December 29th~ Confrontation Day; The day of the final (?) battle between the Cullens and their allies and the Volturi.
** The calendar was determined through careful examination of our holy texts. If anyone can show reason why my calculations might be incorrect, please feel free to correct me. After all, high priestesses aren't perfect.
I tossed back and forth about including prayers for each high day. I decided against it as it would make this post just astronomically long and probably lead the mods to defrock me. I have spent an absurd amount of time putting way too much thought into this. If there is anything I left out, it was unintentional and I probably have it in my journal somewhere. Just ask. Enjoy, mark your calendars, say prayers, bask in the faith.
Now that we are through March, our next high day isn't until June 14th, Day of Rings. But,that doesn't let us off the hook in anyway.
Carlisle's Blessings Upon You All."
-----------------------------
DAY 1
Jolteon is still awaiting validation for the fansite that has been chosen for the investigation. (Which will be referred to as "Fansite.com" or "Fansite" from here on out) Clearly this is seen as a preventive measure to prevent an internet pest known as "ogrus pestis" (The Common Troll.)
In reality, this is day two of the investigation, but for now, the admin (now referred to as "Mewtwo") is deliberating.
Until next time.
-Jolteon