Twitard Canned Response Responses (UPDATED WHOOPEE)
Annaleejones has created this fantabulous thread filled with lulz <3 Click for the original thread.
A. Standard Responses
1. You have no life!
Genki: I'm working towards a Japanese major, I volunteer at the animal shelter, I promote animal charities in my spare time, I'm going through physical therapy to rebuild my chest muscles after surgery, I run an adoptables website, and I'm planning to be a speaker and advocate for children with Asperger's. And you have a book. What now?
2. OMG How can you NOT like it? WTF is wrong with you?
Genki: I don't like books that glamorize abusive relationships and suicide. What's wrong with me? I lost someone because they took their own life, that's what's wrong with me.
3. You're just in denial. You secretly LOVE it!
Genki: Yeah, sure, that's why I invest some of my spare time in fighting the Twitard regime.
4. It's pointless to hate something.
Genki: You hate the antis.
5. Stop being a hypocrite!
Genki: Vague much?
6. You're immature (for speaking your opinion logically).
Genki: I'm immature for not liking a book? I didn't know there was a grand judge of maturity that bases its ratings on a fucking book.
7. Something is seriously wrong with you!
Genki: I'm mentally ill because I don't like a book? Riiiight...
8. Who do you think you are?
Genki: I am Shiranui Genkigami, a furry crusader for the lulz.
9. OMG, it's just a book! Why are you taking it so seriously?
Genki: I can say the same about you.
10. You're just jealous!
Genki: Yeah, I'm totally jealous that I can't understand the esoteric code SMeyer writes in that only retards understand.
10. You’re reading too much into it. (OR “You’re overanalyzing it.”)
Genki: I'm reading too much into it? There are fans forming A FUCKING RELIGION.
11. Think before you act.
Genki: Tell your Twitard friends that. Please, they're embarassing themselves.
12. Your arguments are stupid. I didn’t see any of what you’re talking about.
Genki: Frozen Apples Wiki. Now. I read your damn book, now read the damn wiki. It's only fair.
B. Assumptions About Anti-Twilighters
1. You probably haven't even read the book!
Genki: OLD. Yes, I have. Twice.
2. You just don't understand the beauty of Edward and Bella's relationship.
Genki: Let me get this straight; you are somehow able to see the beauty of watching you while you sleep, threatening you, and acting like a class-A dickweed? Thank God I'm not you.
3. You're just jealous of Bella because she's prettier than you! (to females)
Genki: I have gotten this before. I was born with a birth defect that makes my ribcage grow inward, so I have a dent in my chest that can hold about a shotglass of water. So you're telling me because I have a physical defect I can't understand the inner workings of a Mary Sue? Fuck you.
4. You're just jealous because Twilight's taking all the girls away! (to males)
Genki: Can't answer this one.
5. You've probably only seen the movie. Go read the books; they're SO much better!
Genki: I read the book, never seen the movie, I don't watch crap.
6. Wow, your love life must suck.
Genki: No, I'm saving myself for the right person. I'm really putting a relationship on hold because I want to focus on my academics.
7. You don't have any idea of what romance is, do you?
Genki: Yes, I do. It doesn't involve physically dragging the girl across a parking lot.
8. You’re too young/not mature enough to understand.
Genki: I'm going to be 20 in November. Say that again, 16 year old girl.
9. If you didn't like Twilight and you're a girl, you're probably a lesbian.
Genki: Do you even realize how mean that is to lesbians? And no, I'm straight.
10. You probably only read the first one. You can’t get the full effect from that!
Genki: Oh no, because then I can read about Edward performing on alien autopsy on Bella to remove the hellspawn they name Renesmee. (What kind of fucking retarded name is that?)
11. You don’t read it? Do you read AT ALL?
Genki: I do. I read about contemporary issues and history.
12. You just don’t have a very big vocabulary. You probably didn’t understand it.
Genki: You're saying this to the person that got a perfect score on the SAT essay and a high score on reading and writing.
13. It’s okay. Someone will take pity on you one day and be your Edward.
Genki: Because abusive callous assholes are totally my dream date.
14. Only old, ugly men hate Twilight.
Genki: Glad to see you learned how to be a superficial uptight bitch from Bella.
13. You probably have no friends.
Genki: I do. I do appreciate the "probably" in your statement, which is giving me the benefit of a doubt.
14. You must be very insecure about yourself.
Genki: So I compensate by mocking a book? WHAT GREAT LOGIC YOU HAVE.
15. You must be the outcasts of society.
Genki: Oh yeah, I'm really in the minority because I hate a fucking book. Call the ACLU.
16. You must be really desperate!
Genki: How does this relate at all?
17. You’re just jealous that Edward loves Bella and not you!
Genki: He can have his fucking Mary Sue, I don't date assholes.
18. You don’t even know what you’re talking about!
Genki: "Well gee whiz, Genki! You only read the book twice! You have no idea what you're talking about!" Go tell that to the people who have been in abusive relationships like the one in Twilight, I'm sure they'll really appreciate it.
C. You Just Hate…
1. You just hate romances.
Genki: I don't mind romance. But this isn't romance, this is a retarded infatuation.
2. You only hate it because everyone else likes it!
Genki: More great logic! Will it never end?
3. You just hate Mormons, don’t you?
Genki: What the fuck does Twilight have to do with Mormonism? Other than the author. Not a damn thing. And I don't hate Mormons. I hate MORONS.
4. You just hate vampire/werewolf stories!
Genki: I never liked vampire stories, werewolf I can get into.
D. Challenges
1. If you think Twilight sucked, why don't you go write a bestseller?
Genki: Just because something sells well or is popular doesn't make it automatically awesome. 31,783,783 people voted for Richard Nixon, and look what happened. Thanks to him the trust in the president was shattered forever. (Before Nixon presidents were seen as superman.)
2. Go to college and get an education! You really need it!
Genki: This coming from highschool girls? You wanna try to take on my Japanese major, History minor, and independant photography study? Go right ahead! I'll just laugh at you while you flounder around thinking that "Kawaii!" constitutes as the right answer for everything.
E. Questioning Anti-Twlighters
1. If you hated it so much, why would you read it and analyze it?
Genki: To show what made us hate it. Like how you show what made you like it?
2. If you hate it, why would you make a website about it?
Genki: I didn't make this website, I am but a mere member.
3. If you didn’t like the first one, why did you keep reading the series?
Genki: You know... that's actually a really good question.
4. OMG, it’s just a book! Why are you taking it so seriously?
Genki: Again, look at your fanbase.
5. You don’t read it? Do you read AT ALL?
Genki: Yes, I do. I read about politics.
6. If you hated the books, why would you buy them?
Genki: Buy them? And give SMeyer more blood money? Most people don't buy them knowing they hate them.
F. Denial of the Existence of the First Amendment
1. How DARE you say something against (our beloved) Twilight!
2. We can say whatever we want to! "Freedom of speech, baby!" (but apparently, WE can’t)
3. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
4. WE DON'T LIKE YOU! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!
5. You can express your opinion, but you seriously need to shut up.
6. No one wants to hear what you have to say! If you hate Twilight, no one wants to hear it!
7. I don't have a problem with you bashing Twilight, but just keep it to yourself.
8. Stop ruining it for those who like it!
9. Honestly, your opinion doesn’t even matter to anyone!
10. You can’t tell these fans that they’re delusional! That’s not nice! In fact, that’s immoral!
Genki: This applies to all of them. Riddle me this; how is it that you can ramble on and on and that's freedom of speech yet when we say we don't like it, we're no longer allowed to say anything? It's a two way street, not a two dollar Vegas buffet.
G. Defending Edward
Genki: Ho boy...
1. Edward isn't abusive! He loves and protects Bella!
Genki: What do you call blocking her, insulting her, laughing at her, threatening her, practicing psychological warfare ("I'm dangerous, stay away from me, see you tomorrow" is a mindfuck.) and dragging her across the parking lot?
2. Edward isn't a stalker! It's so romantic that he watches Bella while she sleeps.
Genki: Do you realize how fucking retarded that sounds?
3. Edward didn't rape Bella! They were having sex!
Genki: If at any point Bella says "no", it's rape.
4. Edward is SO hot/sexy/the sex.
Genki: That doesn't excuse abuse. If a hot guy raped a woman, would that excuse the rape?
5. But Edward’s old fashioned!
Genki: There's only one place where he's old-fashioned it's... oh wait, THERE ISN'T.
6. It’s not stalking if Bella’s asleep, you know.
Genki: Yes. It is. And it's breaking and entering, which is a fucking felony.
7. So what if Edward’s perverted? He’s still hot!
Genki: And that absolves him of all blame. What if Edward decapitated kittens? Oh, he's hot, so it's okay.
H. Defending Bella
1. How can you say Bella is shallow?
Genki: She bases her entire impression of Edward on his appearance.
2. Bella isn’t stupid! She read all those books!
Genki: It only mentions three books, all required school reading.
3. Bella isn't Stephenie Meyer! What the heck is a Mary Sue?
Genki: GOOGLE IT.
4. Bella isn’t immature! She takes care of her dad and can cook!
Genki: I can cook too, it's not that difficult.
5. What do you mean Bella doesn't have flaws? She's clumsy!
Genki: Yeah, one flaw, and even then that's not a very good flaw since SMeyer brings it up so damn much to try to offset the Sue-ness. There are better flaws. Examples of good flaws; judgment clouded by deep national pride, difficulty censoring self, a crippling phobia of glass bottles, and imposing religious beliefs on others.
What gives? Those flaws belong to my characters. The first is the flaw of Olivia and Kreig, two wolfpyres (wolf vampires) from England and Germany respectively. They've never gotten over World War II. Second is the flaw of Amarok, a giant wolf spirit and a playboy. He is known to loudly comment on the appearance of others. Third is the flaw of Changeling, a bar guarddog that had bottles thrown at him. He can't even look at a bottle without panicking. Fourth is the flaw of Mauve, a coyote adopted by the pastor of a local church. She was raised on hardcore religion since she was a pup.
I. Defending Meyerpires and Meyerwolves
1. How do you know vampires can’t sparkle? Have you ever met one?
Genki: Have you?
2. Imprinting isn’t pedophilia! It’s destined love!
Genki: Imprinting is PREdestined love. The people involved, at least one party, doesn't have a fucking choice in the matter.
3. Vampires and werewolves aren’t real anyway! SMeyer can write them however she wants!
Genki: Yes, she can. That doesn't change the fact it's retarded.
4. Vampires are sexier when they sparkle!
Genki: How? I don't find sparkles attractive.
5. Vampires can totally have sex! Who said they couldn’t?
Genki: Um... traditional folklore?
J. Defending the Series
1. What are you talking about? Twilight TOTALLY relates to real life!
Genki: Please direct me to living, breathing, sparkling vampires and I will reconsider.
2. Twilight's popular because it's a love story with action! What's not to like?
Genki: Twilight's popular because it allows teenage girls to insert themselves in a story with a hot guy who has the personality of a cardboard cutout. What's to like?
3. Twilight inspired kids to read!
Genki: Okay, half true. And getting kids to read is a spiffy thing to do. But they're getting false impressions of what good literature is like and raising Twilight to standards impossible to pass will knock every book off the list.
4. Twilight got me into reading!
Genki: Present to me a list of what you started reading and maybe I'll forgive you. (And if you give me a list of what Bella read in Twilight I'm going to go balls postal)
5. Twilight sold tons of copies! It HAS to be good!
Genki: Next to the Bible, what is the best selling book in the world? Give up? The Little Red Book by Mao Zedong. Yes, the guy who turned China communist. Every house in China is required BY LAW to own at least one copy of The Little Red Book. What's it about? Why communism kicks ass and how awesome Mao is. So this statement is bullshit.
6. It’s FICTION. The books don’t need to be realistic!
Genki: They have to retain SOME form of realism. You can't entirely make shit up and pawn it off.
7. What do you mean the books are inaccurate? They don’t need accuracy!
Genki: Yes, they do. Without accuracy, there's no starting point. Plus Meyer attempts to use science to explain her fucktardery and if she's going to take that route then she better damn well be accurate.
8. People aren’t going to think suicide is the only answer or look for Edward Cullen! That’s stupid!
Genki: Wanna tell your fellow Twihards that?
9. It’s the greatest series ever!
Genki: Thank you, 13 year old girl, for your final decree on the best series ever. I disagree and go back to His Dark Materials.
10. It’s the first time that vampires and werewolves have been together! That’s totally original!
Genki: THE UNDERWORLD MOVIES, MOTHERFUCKER.
11. Twilight is an amazing and completely original saga! Everyone should love it!
Genki: Opinions? You can't have those! Those are for fans only!
K. Defending Stephenie Meyer
1. Stephenie Meyer is an awesome writer! How can you say she sucks?
Genki: She stuffs her works full of purple prose and thesaurus rape. You can pretty up a pile of shit and in the end, it's still a pile of shit.
2. All you do is twist Stephenie Meyer's words!
Genki: Um... books are meant to be interpreted. We read and decide.
3. Stephenie Meyer can do whatever she wants in her books! Leave her alone!
Genki: lolwut?
4. She had every right to stop writing Midnight Sun! The people who leaked it were cruel!
Genki: The people who leaked it are fucking heroes.
5. How can you say Stephenie Meyer didn’t do research? Why does she need to?
Genki: Because, like I said, if she's going to use science in her book, the science better check out. Otherwise it just looks stupid and implies that SMeyer know how retarded her logic was and tried to explain it away.
6. Stop being mean to Stephenie Meyer! What did she ever do to you?
Genki: She wrote a shitty book and spawned fans from hell that piss me off.
7. Meyer is SO creative! She, like, made up vampires!
Genki: And so Elizabeth Balthory and Vlad the Impaler were made up on the spot and Bram Stoker is full of shit, right?
8. Vampires are real because Meyer couldn't have come up with something like that if they weren’t!
Genki: Vampires that sparkle. Really fucking creative. That's about as creative as a new girl going to school and everyone falling in love with her. Oh wait...
9. Just because SMeyer didn't MEAN to use themes and symbolism and other literary techniques doesn't mean there aren't any!
Genki: You're right! Purple prose is in there! And purple prose is shit.
10. You're just jealous of Stephenie Meyer because she's richer than you! I'll bet you've never had a book published!
Genki: No, I don't. But she isn't a god because she's had a book published. And I don't give a shit about wealth. You can be the richest man in the world but if you're a douchebag, people will call you a douchebag.
11. She never said she was pro-domestic violence, so she obviously isn’t!
Genki: Her words say otherwise.
L. Comparisons to Other Literature
1. Twilight is the best work of literature EVER.
Genki: Plato, Aristotle, Shakespeare, and Aristophanes can go royally fuck themselves, some bored housewife is the pinnacle of culture!
2. You don't know what good literature is!
Genki: I know good literature doesn't advertise a love story and ends up dicking me around with the chronicles of a Sue and her stalker.
3. Stephen King doesn’t know what he’s talking about! He’s just jealous!
Genki: Nevermind the fact he has more movies and miniseries based off his countless works and has produced several horror classics that have defined entire fucking genres, HE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE.
4. ::insert good literature here:: is stupid because I couldn't understand it.
Genki: Hey, great logic! Let's apply this to everything else! Broccoli isn't healthy because it doesn't taste good. The new movie sucks because I couldn't see it. Your logic clearly follows the path of SMeyer's; meandering and flailing.
5. Books don’t need to have morals or symbolism!
Genki: Books need to have something to keep its readers interested. Symbolism keeps the reader thinking, and it shows how much love and care went into the literature.
6. WTF are you talking about? Twilight is SO much better than ::insert book here::
Genki: How is it better? I'm not going to listen to you until you postulate A REASON.
7. Twilight is the new Romeo and Juliet! (OR “Twilight is better than Romeo and Juliet.”)
Genki: Okay, let's just go over the plot of Romeo and Juliet, because I'm going to fucking kill someone if I hear this again.
Romeo and Juliet plot: Two teenagers from feuding families fall in love. In their haste and runaway passion, they make several mistakes that lead to their downfalls. This is meant to show how impulsive decisions in relationships are harmful and how young love can be toxic.
Twilight plot: Some girl falls in love with a guy who is really a vampire. There is no point or moral, that's it.
8. Stoker/Hamilton/Whedon/Rice/etc. copied off of Stephenie!
Genki: CHECK THE PUBLISH DATE, MORONS. Bram Stoker's novel Dracula was published in 1897. 108 fucking years before Twilight.
9. Twilight’s better than what you’re reading!
Genki: Currently, I'm reading Night by Elie Wiesel. Night is a memoir of Elie's childhood in concentration camps during the Holocaust. This is the only book I can think of that has ever made me cry in front of anyone. Twilight isn't moving. It's not written from the heart. SMeyer didn't experience any heartache while writing it. The most she experienced was seething jealousy that she can't be Bella. Wiesel wrote Night to show the horrors of the Holocaust, so future generations would learn what really went on and to ensure it would never happen again. SMeyer wrote a book for no fucking reason.
M. Immaturity At Its Finest
1. ::insert string of swear words here::
Genki: When you give me an answer that makes sense, I'll talk.
2. Well, you're just stupid! (OR "You have no brain." OR "You're mentally retarded!")
Genki: The last one. I have Asperger's syndrome (diagnosed 13 years ago yo) and, if I were easier to offend, I'd kick your ass.
3. Yeah, well you're ugly (so what you say doesn't matter).
Genki: This goes back to my physical defect. Try saying that so someone in a wheelchair.
4. WTF/OMG/STFU
Genki: FULL SENTENCES PLEASE.
5. Shut up, you stupid hater!
Genki: No, not until you give me a good reason. And "because I said so" isn't one.
6. You don’t like the Twilight series or Stephenie Meyer? GO DIE!
Genki: Because I don't like a book. IT'S A FUCKING BOOK.
7. ::insert racism here::
Genki:
8. Oh, go burn in Hell!
Genki: If I'm hanging out with Twitards, I'm already there.
9. You’re just a fat, ugly, 40-year-old male virgin that will never get laid!
Genki: Actually, I'm an underweight, model gorgeous when I want to be, 19-year-old female virgin that will get laid at a later date.
10. You must be a Nazi. (note: This comes up almost ALL the freakin’ time.)
Genki: How do you get from not liking a book to being a Nazi?
11. Well…just…SHUT UP! (note: This occurs when the Twitard has been seriously owned.)
Genki: That means I win.
N. Herd Mentality
1. There's more fans out there that love Twilight than people who hate it!
Genki: Except the collective intelligence of five Twitards doesn't even equal a fourth of an anti.
2. You only have one Twilight hate website against a ton of Twilight fansites. We outnumber you!
Genki: So? Unless you come and troll us, we'll stay out of your websites. We only bite when bitten.
3. Seriously, why did you even put this video up? No one’s going to agree with you.
Genki: Really? Wanna go tell the numerous antis that?
O. Threats
1. You take that back or I’ll beat you up!
Genki: Through a computer. Go ahead and try it.
2. If you don’t stop, you’ll have my friend to deal with.
Genki: HA. Friends. That's a good one.
3. Take down this video or I’ll report you on YouTube!
Genki: God forbid someone states an opposite opinion. I'm going to go report every single pro-Obama video I find because I don't agree with them! Do you see how stupid that sounds?
4. Twilight is the Bible, and Edward Cullen is my god. You will PAY if you insult them!
Genki: Cthulu could rape Edward as bad as SMeyer rapes her thesaurus.
5. I’ll send Eddiekins after you!
Genki: One hole in your plan; Edward isn't fucking real.
6. Give me the address of the mental institution you're staying at so I could make you more MENTAL!
Genki: Hell. You told me to go there, remember?
P. LOLWUT
1. EDWARD CULLEN IS GOD!
Genki: Take your pills.
2. What do you mean vampires aren't real?
Genki: No really, take your goddamn pills.
3. Twilight isn't an obsession; it's a way of life!
Genki: To me, furry is a way of life but you don't see me wandering around in public in a fursuit! I know when my lifestyle is appropriate.
4. Bella is not a swan. She is a person.
Genki: NAWWWW REALLY?
5. Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson are one and the same! Robert Pattinson is just hiding it!
Genki: How do the fangirls NOT realize how fucking retarded they sound?
6. I’m waiting for my Edward to take me away!
Genki: Hopefully you starve to death waiting. One less fucktard to worry about.
7. Cullenism should be a major religion.
Genki: Scientologists agree! Because then people would stop making fun of them and move onto "Cullenists."
8. Edward can sparkle more than you!
Genki: I don't sparkle.
9. Jacob is the new Black!
Genki: Once you go black... your author's a hack.
10. We should have Twilight as required reading!
Genki: See: Little Red Book.
11. You're just stupid, vampires and werewolves exist but not those other things, like pixies and elves.
Genki: Because your reality is the one true reality. THANKS CULLENCHAN3201798!
12. If you know anyone who doesn’t like Twilight or hasn’t heard of it, convert them! Force feed them Twilight passages until they love it!
Genki: Too late, they just added that to the list of no-no's on the Guantanamo Bay memos.
13. You suck! Even Edward would drain YOUR blood.
Genki: I weigh 98 pounds and even I could take Edward. You know why? He's not fucking real.
14. It’s okay. Someone will take pity on you one day and be your Edward.
Genki: Because abusive callous assholes are totally my dream date.
15. No one would stalk you! You WISH you were that special!
Genki: It's times like these I wonder if the fans realize how retarded they sound. ... naaaaah.
A. Standard Responses
1. You have no life!
Genki: I'm working towards a Japanese major, I volunteer at the animal shelter, I promote animal charities in my spare time, I'm going through physical therapy to rebuild my chest muscles after surgery, I run an adoptables website, and I'm planning to be a speaker and advocate for children with Asperger's. And you have a book. What now?
2. OMG How can you NOT like it? WTF is wrong with you?
Genki: I don't like books that glamorize abusive relationships and suicide. What's wrong with me? I lost someone because they took their own life, that's what's wrong with me.
3. You're just in denial. You secretly LOVE it!
Genki: Yeah, sure, that's why I invest some of my spare time in fighting the Twitard regime.
4. It's pointless to hate something.
Genki: You hate the antis.
5. Stop being a hypocrite!
Genki: Vague much?
6. You're immature (for speaking your opinion logically).
Genki: I'm immature for not liking a book? I didn't know there was a grand judge of maturity that bases its ratings on a fucking book.
7. Something is seriously wrong with you!
Genki: I'm mentally ill because I don't like a book? Riiiight...
8. Who do you think you are?
Genki: I am Shiranui Genkigami, a furry crusader for the lulz.
9. OMG, it's just a book! Why are you taking it so seriously?
Genki: I can say the same about you.
10. You're just jealous!
Genki: Yeah, I'm totally jealous that I can't understand the esoteric code SMeyer writes in that only retards understand.
10. You’re reading too much into it. (OR “You’re overanalyzing it.”)
Genki: I'm reading too much into it? There are fans forming A FUCKING RELIGION.
11. Think before you act.
Genki: Tell your Twitard friends that. Please, they're embarassing themselves.
12. Your arguments are stupid. I didn’t see any of what you’re talking about.
Genki: Frozen Apples Wiki. Now. I read your damn book, now read the damn wiki. It's only fair.
B. Assumptions About Anti-Twilighters
1. You probably haven't even read the book!
Genki: OLD. Yes, I have. Twice.
2. You just don't understand the beauty of Edward and Bella's relationship.
Genki: Let me get this straight; you are somehow able to see the beauty of watching you while you sleep, threatening you, and acting like a class-A dickweed? Thank God I'm not you.
3. You're just jealous of Bella because she's prettier than you! (to females)
Genki: I have gotten this before. I was born with a birth defect that makes my ribcage grow inward, so I have a dent in my chest that can hold about a shotglass of water. So you're telling me because I have a physical defect I can't understand the inner workings of a Mary Sue? Fuck you.
4. You're just jealous because Twilight's taking all the girls away! (to males)
Genki: Can't answer this one.
5. You've probably only seen the movie. Go read the books; they're SO much better!
Genki: I read the book, never seen the movie, I don't watch crap.
6. Wow, your love life must suck.
Genki: No, I'm saving myself for the right person. I'm really putting a relationship on hold because I want to focus on my academics.
7. You don't have any idea of what romance is, do you?
Genki: Yes, I do. It doesn't involve physically dragging the girl across a parking lot.
8. You’re too young/not mature enough to understand.
Genki: I'm going to be 20 in November. Say that again, 16 year old girl.
9. If you didn't like Twilight and you're a girl, you're probably a lesbian.
Genki: Do you even realize how mean that is to lesbians? And no, I'm straight.
10. You probably only read the first one. You can’t get the full effect from that!
Genki: Oh no, because then I can read about Edward performing on alien autopsy on Bella to remove the hellspawn they name Renesmee. (What kind of fucking retarded name is that?)
11. You don’t read it? Do you read AT ALL?
Genki: I do. I read about contemporary issues and history.
12. You just don’t have a very big vocabulary. You probably didn’t understand it.
Genki: You're saying this to the person that got a perfect score on the SAT essay and a high score on reading and writing.
13. It’s okay. Someone will take pity on you one day and be your Edward.
Genki: Because abusive callous assholes are totally my dream date.
14. Only old, ugly men hate Twilight.
Genki: Glad to see you learned how to be a superficial uptight bitch from Bella.
13. You probably have no friends.
Genki: I do. I do appreciate the "probably" in your statement, which is giving me the benefit of a doubt.
14. You must be very insecure about yourself.
Genki: So I compensate by mocking a book? WHAT GREAT LOGIC YOU HAVE.
15. You must be the outcasts of society.
Genki: Oh yeah, I'm really in the minority because I hate a fucking book. Call the ACLU.
16. You must be really desperate!
Genki: How does this relate at all?
17. You’re just jealous that Edward loves Bella and not you!
Genki: He can have his fucking Mary Sue, I don't date assholes.
18. You don’t even know what you’re talking about!
Genki: "Well gee whiz, Genki! You only read the book twice! You have no idea what you're talking about!" Go tell that to the people who have been in abusive relationships like the one in Twilight, I'm sure they'll really appreciate it.
C. You Just Hate…
1. You just hate romances.
Genki: I don't mind romance. But this isn't romance, this is a retarded infatuation.
2. You only hate it because everyone else likes it!
Genki: More great logic! Will it never end?
3. You just hate Mormons, don’t you?
Genki: What the fuck does Twilight have to do with Mormonism? Other than the author. Not a damn thing. And I don't hate Mormons. I hate MORONS.
4. You just hate vampire/werewolf stories!
Genki: I never liked vampire stories, werewolf I can get into.
D. Challenges
1. If you think Twilight sucked, why don't you go write a bestseller?
Genki: Just because something sells well or is popular doesn't make it automatically awesome. 31,783,783 people voted for Richard Nixon, and look what happened. Thanks to him the trust in the president was shattered forever. (Before Nixon presidents were seen as superman.)
2. Go to college and get an education! You really need it!
Genki: This coming from highschool girls? You wanna try to take on my Japanese major, History minor, and independant photography study? Go right ahead! I'll just laugh at you while you flounder around thinking that "Kawaii!" constitutes as the right answer for everything.
E. Questioning Anti-Twlighters
1. If you hated it so much, why would you read it and analyze it?
Genki: To show what made us hate it. Like how you show what made you like it?
2. If you hate it, why would you make a website about it?
Genki: I didn't make this website, I am but a mere member.
3. If you didn’t like the first one, why did you keep reading the series?
Genki: You know... that's actually a really good question.
4. OMG, it’s just a book! Why are you taking it so seriously?
Genki: Again, look at your fanbase.
5. You don’t read it? Do you read AT ALL?
Genki: Yes, I do. I read about politics.
6. If you hated the books, why would you buy them?
Genki: Buy them? And give SMeyer more blood money? Most people don't buy them knowing they hate them.
F. Denial of the Existence of the First Amendment
1. How DARE you say something against (our beloved) Twilight!
2. We can say whatever we want to! "Freedom of speech, baby!" (but apparently, WE can’t)
3. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
4. WE DON'T LIKE YOU! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!
5. You can express your opinion, but you seriously need to shut up.
6. No one wants to hear what you have to say! If you hate Twilight, no one wants to hear it!
7. I don't have a problem with you bashing Twilight, but just keep it to yourself.
8. Stop ruining it for those who like it!
9. Honestly, your opinion doesn’t even matter to anyone!
10. You can’t tell these fans that they’re delusional! That’s not nice! In fact, that’s immoral!
Genki: This applies to all of them. Riddle me this; how is it that you can ramble on and on and that's freedom of speech yet when we say we don't like it, we're no longer allowed to say anything? It's a two way street, not a two dollar Vegas buffet.
G. Defending Edward
Genki: Ho boy...
1. Edward isn't abusive! He loves and protects Bella!
Genki: What do you call blocking her, insulting her, laughing at her, threatening her, practicing psychological warfare ("I'm dangerous, stay away from me, see you tomorrow" is a mindfuck.) and dragging her across the parking lot?
2. Edward isn't a stalker! It's so romantic that he watches Bella while she sleeps.
Genki: Do you realize how fucking retarded that sounds?
3. Edward didn't rape Bella! They were having sex!
Genki: If at any point Bella says "no", it's rape.
4. Edward is SO hot/sexy/the sex.
Genki: That doesn't excuse abuse. If a hot guy raped a woman, would that excuse the rape?
5. But Edward’s old fashioned!
Genki: There's only one place where he's old-fashioned it's... oh wait, THERE ISN'T.
6. It’s not stalking if Bella’s asleep, you know.
Genki: Yes. It is. And it's breaking and entering, which is a fucking felony.
7. So what if Edward’s perverted? He’s still hot!
Genki: And that absolves him of all blame. What if Edward decapitated kittens? Oh, he's hot, so it's okay.
H. Defending Bella
1. How can you say Bella is shallow?
Genki: She bases her entire impression of Edward on his appearance.
2. Bella isn’t stupid! She read all those books!
Genki: It only mentions three books, all required school reading.
3. Bella isn't Stephenie Meyer! What the heck is a Mary Sue?
Genki: GOOGLE IT.
4. Bella isn’t immature! She takes care of her dad and can cook!
Genki: I can cook too, it's not that difficult.
5. What do you mean Bella doesn't have flaws? She's clumsy!
Genki: Yeah, one flaw, and even then that's not a very good flaw since SMeyer brings it up so damn much to try to offset the Sue-ness. There are better flaws. Examples of good flaws; judgment clouded by deep national pride, difficulty censoring self, a crippling phobia of glass bottles, and imposing religious beliefs on others.
What gives? Those flaws belong to my characters. The first is the flaw of Olivia and Kreig, two wolfpyres (wolf vampires) from England and Germany respectively. They've never gotten over World War II. Second is the flaw of Amarok, a giant wolf spirit and a playboy. He is known to loudly comment on the appearance of others. Third is the flaw of Changeling, a bar guarddog that had bottles thrown at him. He can't even look at a bottle without panicking. Fourth is the flaw of Mauve, a coyote adopted by the pastor of a local church. She was raised on hardcore religion since she was a pup.
I. Defending Meyerpires and Meyerwolves
1. How do you know vampires can’t sparkle? Have you ever met one?
Genki: Have you?
2. Imprinting isn’t pedophilia! It’s destined love!
Genki: Imprinting is PREdestined love. The people involved, at least one party, doesn't have a fucking choice in the matter.
3. Vampires and werewolves aren’t real anyway! SMeyer can write them however she wants!
Genki: Yes, she can. That doesn't change the fact it's retarded.
4. Vampires are sexier when they sparkle!
Genki: How? I don't find sparkles attractive.
5. Vampires can totally have sex! Who said they couldn’t?
Genki: Um... traditional folklore?
J. Defending the Series
1. What are you talking about? Twilight TOTALLY relates to real life!
Genki: Please direct me to living, breathing, sparkling vampires and I will reconsider.
2. Twilight's popular because it's a love story with action! What's not to like?
Genki: Twilight's popular because it allows teenage girls to insert themselves in a story with a hot guy who has the personality of a cardboard cutout. What's to like?
3. Twilight inspired kids to read!
Genki: Okay, half true. And getting kids to read is a spiffy thing to do. But they're getting false impressions of what good literature is like and raising Twilight to standards impossible to pass will knock every book off the list.
4. Twilight got me into reading!
Genki: Present to me a list of what you started reading and maybe I'll forgive you. (And if you give me a list of what Bella read in Twilight I'm going to go balls postal)
5. Twilight sold tons of copies! It HAS to be good!
Genki: Next to the Bible, what is the best selling book in the world? Give up? The Little Red Book by Mao Zedong. Yes, the guy who turned China communist. Every house in China is required BY LAW to own at least one copy of The Little Red Book. What's it about? Why communism kicks ass and how awesome Mao is. So this statement is bullshit.
6. It’s FICTION. The books don’t need to be realistic!
Genki: They have to retain SOME form of realism. You can't entirely make shit up and pawn it off.
7. What do you mean the books are inaccurate? They don’t need accuracy!
Genki: Yes, they do. Without accuracy, there's no starting point. Plus Meyer attempts to use science to explain her fucktardery and if she's going to take that route then she better damn well be accurate.
8. People aren’t going to think suicide is the only answer or look for Edward Cullen! That’s stupid!
Genki: Wanna tell your fellow Twihards that?
9. It’s the greatest series ever!
Genki: Thank you, 13 year old girl, for your final decree on the best series ever. I disagree and go back to His Dark Materials.
10. It’s the first time that vampires and werewolves have been together! That’s totally original!
Genki: THE UNDERWORLD MOVIES, MOTHERFUCKER.
11. Twilight is an amazing and completely original saga! Everyone should love it!
Genki: Opinions? You can't have those! Those are for fans only!
K. Defending Stephenie Meyer
1. Stephenie Meyer is an awesome writer! How can you say she sucks?
Genki: She stuffs her works full of purple prose and thesaurus rape. You can pretty up a pile of shit and in the end, it's still a pile of shit.
2. All you do is twist Stephenie Meyer's words!
Genki: Um... books are meant to be interpreted. We read and decide.
3. Stephenie Meyer can do whatever she wants in her books! Leave her alone!
Genki: lolwut?
4. She had every right to stop writing Midnight Sun! The people who leaked it were cruel!
Genki: The people who leaked it are fucking heroes.
5. How can you say Stephenie Meyer didn’t do research? Why does she need to?
Genki: Because, like I said, if she's going to use science in her book, the science better check out. Otherwise it just looks stupid and implies that SMeyer know how retarded her logic was and tried to explain it away.
6. Stop being mean to Stephenie Meyer! What did she ever do to you?
Genki: She wrote a shitty book and spawned fans from hell that piss me off.
7. Meyer is SO creative! She, like, made up vampires!
Genki: And so Elizabeth Balthory and Vlad the Impaler were made up on the spot and Bram Stoker is full of shit, right?
8. Vampires are real because Meyer couldn't have come up with something like that if they weren’t!
Genki: Vampires that sparkle. Really fucking creative. That's about as creative as a new girl going to school and everyone falling in love with her. Oh wait...
9. Just because SMeyer didn't MEAN to use themes and symbolism and other literary techniques doesn't mean there aren't any!
Genki: You're right! Purple prose is in there! And purple prose is shit.
10. You're just jealous of Stephenie Meyer because she's richer than you! I'll bet you've never had a book published!
Genki: No, I don't. But she isn't a god because she's had a book published. And I don't give a shit about wealth. You can be the richest man in the world but if you're a douchebag, people will call you a douchebag.
11. She never said she was pro-domestic violence, so she obviously isn’t!
Genki: Her words say otherwise.
L. Comparisons to Other Literature
1. Twilight is the best work of literature EVER.
Genki: Plato, Aristotle, Shakespeare, and Aristophanes can go royally fuck themselves, some bored housewife is the pinnacle of culture!
2. You don't know what good literature is!
Genki: I know good literature doesn't advertise a love story and ends up dicking me around with the chronicles of a Sue and her stalker.
3. Stephen King doesn’t know what he’s talking about! He’s just jealous!
Genki: Nevermind the fact he has more movies and miniseries based off his countless works and has produced several horror classics that have defined entire fucking genres, HE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE.
4. ::insert good literature here:: is stupid because I couldn't understand it.
Genki: Hey, great logic! Let's apply this to everything else! Broccoli isn't healthy because it doesn't taste good. The new movie sucks because I couldn't see it. Your logic clearly follows the path of SMeyer's; meandering and flailing.
5. Books don’t need to have morals or symbolism!
Genki: Books need to have something to keep its readers interested. Symbolism keeps the reader thinking, and it shows how much love and care went into the literature.
6. WTF are you talking about? Twilight is SO much better than ::insert book here::
Genki: How is it better? I'm not going to listen to you until you postulate A REASON.
7. Twilight is the new Romeo and Juliet! (OR “Twilight is better than Romeo and Juliet.”)
Genki: Okay, let's just go over the plot of Romeo and Juliet, because I'm going to fucking kill someone if I hear this again.
Romeo and Juliet plot: Two teenagers from feuding families fall in love. In their haste and runaway passion, they make several mistakes that lead to their downfalls. This is meant to show how impulsive decisions in relationships are harmful and how young love can be toxic.
Twilight plot: Some girl falls in love with a guy who is really a vampire. There is no point or moral, that's it.
8. Stoker/Hamilton/Whedon/Rice/etc. copied off of Stephenie!
Genki: CHECK THE PUBLISH DATE, MORONS. Bram Stoker's novel Dracula was published in 1897. 108 fucking years before Twilight.
9. Twilight’s better than what you’re reading!
Genki: Currently, I'm reading Night by Elie Wiesel. Night is a memoir of Elie's childhood in concentration camps during the Holocaust. This is the only book I can think of that has ever made me cry in front of anyone. Twilight isn't moving. It's not written from the heart. SMeyer didn't experience any heartache while writing it. The most she experienced was seething jealousy that she can't be Bella. Wiesel wrote Night to show the horrors of the Holocaust, so future generations would learn what really went on and to ensure it would never happen again. SMeyer wrote a book for no fucking reason.
M. Immaturity At Its Finest
1. ::insert string of swear words here::
Genki: When you give me an answer that makes sense, I'll talk.
2. Well, you're just stupid! (OR "You have no brain." OR "You're mentally retarded!")
Genki: The last one. I have Asperger's syndrome (diagnosed 13 years ago yo) and, if I were easier to offend, I'd kick your ass.
3. Yeah, well you're ugly (so what you say doesn't matter).
Genki: This goes back to my physical defect. Try saying that so someone in a wheelchair.
4. WTF/OMG/STFU
Genki: FULL SENTENCES PLEASE.
5. Shut up, you stupid hater!
Genki: No, not until you give me a good reason. And "because I said so" isn't one.
6. You don’t like the Twilight series or Stephenie Meyer? GO DIE!
Genki: Because I don't like a book. IT'S A FUCKING BOOK.
7. ::insert racism here::
Genki:
8. Oh, go burn in Hell!
Genki: If I'm hanging out with Twitards, I'm already there.
9. You’re just a fat, ugly, 40-year-old male virgin that will never get laid!
Genki: Actually, I'm an underweight, model gorgeous when I want to be, 19-year-old female virgin that will get laid at a later date.
10. You must be a Nazi. (note: This comes up almost ALL the freakin’ time.)
Genki: How do you get from not liking a book to being a Nazi?
11. Well…just…SHUT UP! (note: This occurs when the Twitard has been seriously owned.)
Genki: That means I win.
N. Herd Mentality
1. There's more fans out there that love Twilight than people who hate it!
Genki: Except the collective intelligence of five Twitards doesn't even equal a fourth of an anti.
2. You only have one Twilight hate website against a ton of Twilight fansites. We outnumber you!
Genki: So? Unless you come and troll us, we'll stay out of your websites. We only bite when bitten.
3. Seriously, why did you even put this video up? No one’s going to agree with you.
Genki: Really? Wanna go tell the numerous antis that?
O. Threats
1. You take that back or I’ll beat you up!
Genki: Through a computer. Go ahead and try it.
2. If you don’t stop, you’ll have my friend to deal with.
Genki: HA. Friends. That's a good one.
3. Take down this video or I’ll report you on YouTube!
Genki: God forbid someone states an opposite opinion. I'm going to go report every single pro-Obama video I find because I don't agree with them! Do you see how stupid that sounds?
4. Twilight is the Bible, and Edward Cullen is my god. You will PAY if you insult them!
Genki: Cthulu could rape Edward as bad as SMeyer rapes her thesaurus.
5. I’ll send Eddiekins after you!
Genki: One hole in your plan; Edward isn't fucking real.
6. Give me the address of the mental institution you're staying at so I could make you more MENTAL!
Genki: Hell. You told me to go there, remember?
P. LOLWUT
1. EDWARD CULLEN IS GOD!
Genki: Take your pills.
2. What do you mean vampires aren't real?
Genki: No really, take your goddamn pills.
3. Twilight isn't an obsession; it's a way of life!
Genki: To me, furry is a way of life but you don't see me wandering around in public in a fursuit! I know when my lifestyle is appropriate.
4. Bella is not a swan. She is a person.
Genki: NAWWWW REALLY?
5. Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson are one and the same! Robert Pattinson is just hiding it!
Genki: How do the fangirls NOT realize how fucking retarded they sound?
6. I’m waiting for my Edward to take me away!
Genki: Hopefully you starve to death waiting. One less fucktard to worry about.
7. Cullenism should be a major religion.
Genki: Scientologists agree! Because then people would stop making fun of them and move onto "Cullenists."
8. Edward can sparkle more than you!
Genki: I don't sparkle.
9. Jacob is the new Black!
Genki: Once you go black... your author's a hack.
10. We should have Twilight as required reading!
Genki: See: Little Red Book.
11. You're just stupid, vampires and werewolves exist but not those other things, like pixies and elves.
Genki: Because your reality is the one true reality. THANKS CULLENCHAN3201798!
12. If you know anyone who doesn’t like Twilight or hasn’t heard of it, convert them! Force feed them Twilight passages until they love it!
Genki: Too late, they just added that to the list of no-no's on the Guantanamo Bay memos.
13. You suck! Even Edward would drain YOUR blood.
Genki: I weigh 98 pounds and even I could take Edward. You know why? He's not fucking real.
14. It’s okay. Someone will take pity on you one day and be your Edward.
Genki: Because abusive callous assholes are totally my dream date.
15. No one would stalk you! You WISH you were that special!
Genki: It's times like these I wonder if the fans realize how retarded they sound. ... naaaaah.