(no subject)
So, I had a few goals set for myself to do:
*Go to sleep
*Go to club
*Go to sleep
*Play date
*Hope for a happy ending...LoL
I didn't manage to get the first sleep taken care of. I did, however go to the club. But I ran on 36 hours of no sleep...maybe more, I can't remember right now. I had car troubles. Ufft! Got retarded. Let friend drive us home. Granted, it was her car... but I felt a lil un-safe. With the swerving and all that jazz. I knew I was fucking tired but for some reason I still felt like it would have been a good idea to let me drive. I never voiced this idea either because I too tired. LoL.
SLEEP!! yay :D it happened finally. And then the play-date texts like 3 times... and then my alarm goes off like twice. LoL. Time to embrace the new day :D
In the end, I got what I wanted, but I can't help but feel weird like.
Ok, to explain this easy, I feel like I'm living someone else's life.
The happy part of all of this is that the butterflies are all gone.
But that's not the only thing missing.
There is a void inside of me.
I think it's my soul...
... or heart
One or the other; it feels like it's not there. Don't get me wrong, now. I still smile :D I still laugh :D and I do truely mean it. I just think i'm missing something inside me that seems to care. I mean, sure I care to an extent... but not so much. I just don't know if I let this thing escape me, or if my subconcious did it for me, or if it was the result of my happy ending. I pretty sure it was me that let this happen. But why? If I really don't care, then I shouldn't care and it doesn't matter. I think I am reading too much into this. But I still feel empty. But I kinda feel good about that.
Adieu
*Go to sleep
*Go to club
*Go to sleep
*Play date
*Hope for a happy ending...LoL
I didn't manage to get the first sleep taken care of. I did, however go to the club. But I ran on 36 hours of no sleep...maybe more, I can't remember right now. I had car troubles. Ufft! Got retarded. Let friend drive us home. Granted, it was her car... but I felt a lil un-safe. With the swerving and all that jazz. I knew I was fucking tired but for some reason I still felt like it would have been a good idea to let me drive. I never voiced this idea either because I too tired. LoL.
SLEEP!! yay :D it happened finally. And then the play-date texts like 3 times... and then my alarm goes off like twice. LoL. Time to embrace the new day :D
In the end, I got what I wanted, but I can't help but feel weird like.
Ok, to explain this easy, I feel like I'm living someone else's life.
The happy part of all of this is that the butterflies are all gone.
But that's not the only thing missing.
There is a void inside of me.
I think it's my soul...
... or heart
One or the other; it feels like it's not there. Don't get me wrong, now. I still smile :D I still laugh :D and I do truely mean it. I just think i'm missing something inside me that seems to care. I mean, sure I care to an extent... but not so much. I just don't know if I let this thing escape me, or if my subconcious did it for me, or if it was the result of my happy ending. I pretty sure it was me that let this happen. But why? If I really don't care, then I shouldn't care and it doesn't matter. I think I am reading too much into this. But I still feel empty. But I kinda feel good about that.
Adieu