I won’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world somehow I have to find.
Relevant gif is relevant.
I thought the end would feel different. Leaving my job, I thought I would feel something. Getting on that plane back to Chicago, I thought I would feel something too. I was just thinking about how much I did not want to sit in a plane for 12 hours, and when was dinner because I was hungry.
I like how big I make things in my head, and then when those moments come all I’m thinking about is food.
My last days in Istanbul, I kept commenting on how it didn’t feel like the end. My great adventure was ending, and I wasn’t sad. I should be sad, I thought. I wasn’t happy, but there wasn’t the crippling sadness I was expecting either. There was just this sort of acceptance, of knowing that it was time, and that was okay.
It took one of the songs I connect with leaving WoW behind playing to start playing on the plane for me to start thinking about why. Go with me here. There were times I would like to deny it, but WoW was a defining factor in my life at one point. Rather than be ashamed, I’ve started to embrace that. I would not be who I am right now if I hadn’t played WoW, and I like who I am.
Anyway, I still get nostalgic for those days now and again. There are days that I want to go back, and have tried actually. The thing is, those days are gone. They happened, and I have good memories from them, but no matter how awesome they were they are over. It is the same for this trip. I will always look back and smile at the memories, but I can’t go back to those moments.
It is a bittersweet ache, longing for days and places you know no longer exist. The places, sure, they’re still there. Places alone aren’t what make memories though, it is the people. I could go back to any of those places, and it wouldn’t cure that ache. The most important places to me tend to revolve around people met there.
Right now, I’m longing for those final days in Bangkok with my Songkran group. I miss Bangkok, but I miss that group so much more. There will definitely be a separate post on that, because Songkran was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’m longing for sitting up on that roof in Istanbul with Riley, and watching his upside down smile as he would look at me while he lounged on the bench.
If I hadn’t left Bangkok, I would haven’t met Riley though. I wouldn’t have danced until 4am in the middle of Istanbul. If I hadn’t walked away from someone long ago, I wouldn’t have even of thought about getting on that plane.
One adventure ends, but it definitely won’t be my last.