"This isn't me I used to say. All the love was so gone."
This was originally a reply to a comment in my last post. But it got sorta lengthy that I thought I needed to put it on a new page.
So much went wrong with my youth group. Our youth pastor was always trying to bring on these big theological points that no cared about and to me, didn't seem necessary to understanding faith. Also it was completely contradictory because he never allowed the youth leaders to make decisions despite the so called policy of "youth led." But it wasn't all his fault. The church as a whole never really gave a damn about the youth group. NO ONE was willing to come and teach the youth Sunday school so we always ended up with these crappy teachers who, though well-intentioned, didn't do a bit of good.
Our church has just lost its spirituality. And so now whenever we try to bring in some spirituality, no one feels comfortable with it and nothing changes.
I don't know, my disconnection with my faith cannot be blamed on anyone but myself. I've just lost the passion for God. Like, you ever hear those testimonies about how people are going through tough times and then suddenly open the Bible to a verse that suddenly makes them realize how important God is and stuff? And they're just so moved by God? That's never happened with me. It's like, logically, I know Jesus is my Savior and that I should put my trust in Him. Yet I don't feel any spiritual uplifting or anything because of that.
I remember when I was first developing my thoughts about faith that I came to these types of conclusion. Because to me, it was never a question about faith. It was like what I would tell others, whether you doubt or not, Jesus IS your Savior and He will always be there. And I think this absolutism I've put to Christ and God is what has made it such an unemotional experience. Yet in turn, that lack of emotion is what frustrates me so much. Especially when you get these notes from people, like after my sermon, or after Chrysalis, about people saying how much they see Christ in me, when I can't even feel him myself.
Back in January I worked on a Chrysalis flight. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's suppose to be a three-day spiritual event, based off the Emmaus Walk. Anyways, it was things like this that really hurt me. Like people would be moved by Candlelight and would cry. Or they would cry over the letters they got. But that never happened to me. Seeing God work through others was the closest I ever had to seeing God, but I don't think I've ever had a person moment with God.
So much went wrong with my youth group. Our youth pastor was always trying to bring on these big theological points that no cared about and to me, didn't seem necessary to understanding faith. Also it was completely contradictory because he never allowed the youth leaders to make decisions despite the so called policy of "youth led." But it wasn't all his fault. The church as a whole never really gave a damn about the youth group. NO ONE was willing to come and teach the youth Sunday school so we always ended up with these crappy teachers who, though well-intentioned, didn't do a bit of good.
Our church has just lost its spirituality. And so now whenever we try to bring in some spirituality, no one feels comfortable with it and nothing changes.
I don't know, my disconnection with my faith cannot be blamed on anyone but myself. I've just lost the passion for God. Like, you ever hear those testimonies about how people are going through tough times and then suddenly open the Bible to a verse that suddenly makes them realize how important God is and stuff? And they're just so moved by God? That's never happened with me. It's like, logically, I know Jesus is my Savior and that I should put my trust in Him. Yet I don't feel any spiritual uplifting or anything because of that.
I remember when I was first developing my thoughts about faith that I came to these types of conclusion. Because to me, it was never a question about faith. It was like what I would tell others, whether you doubt or not, Jesus IS your Savior and He will always be there. And I think this absolutism I've put to Christ and God is what has made it such an unemotional experience. Yet in turn, that lack of emotion is what frustrates me so much. Especially when you get these notes from people, like after my sermon, or after Chrysalis, about people saying how much they see Christ in me, when I can't even feel him myself.
Back in January I worked on a Chrysalis flight. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's suppose to be a three-day spiritual event, based off the Emmaus Walk. Anyways, it was things like this that really hurt me. Like people would be moved by Candlelight and would cry. Or they would cry over the letters they got. But that never happened to me. Seeing God work through others was the closest I ever had to seeing God, but I don't think I've ever had a person moment with God.