(no subject)
some upsetting words ... "not to scare you, but if anything happens to me, let them cremate me here and send the ashes to you. I know that sounds harsh or crazy but you would have to be here to understand me and see and hear what I do!" ... just read those words a letter from my darling uncle whos in jail in Ohio. I love and miss him SO0O0O much and these words and more are keeping me up crying tonight while mander and Gary sleep away in the other room. I can't sleep now. I'm so upset by those words, you have no idea. I can't even remember the last time I saw him and had a face to face convorsation but I do remember the last time he was here he was here for like a week and one day I came home from school and he was supposed hang out with him all day and go see my aunt who was currently in the hospital [his sister, my aunt, who passed away] and came home and my mother tells me that the cops came to my house and he was arrested and that was it. I love it when he asks my dad to do the littlest favors for him while hes in fucking prison in his letters and I never saw my dad make any sort of an effort to do anything for him. It's so sad and I wish I had the money to get him out or give him the things he asks for and just to help him out and get his life back on track. I just want to see him one last time and take him and show his a good time and just some more good memories. I never said anything cuz I didn't know if I would ever go through with it but after I graduate I'm gunan make a trip and go to Ohio to see him. no matter what I have to do to see him one last time before he "goes" or anything happens, I'll do it. I'm so upset right now ... all I want is a hug and someone to cry on. I can't lay down cuz I already tried that I just cry. can't sleep. poop on a stick! I can't type anymore ... watery eyes ... I'm sure you know the deal.
laters<3
laters<3